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anybody here a lone parent with no other family to help? how do you cope?

(11 Posts)
chocjunkie Fri 29-Jul-11 19:57:49

DD (3) has severe s&l delay/disorder and loads of autistic traits but no dx yet. DD is very challenging; also have DC2.

my DP is less than usefull (does not give me any support in any way. he goes to work and earns some money and does the supermarket shopping. that is it). anything else (childcare, nursery run, household, anything really is on me). I also work (albeit p/t).
DP won't change. never. ever. he spends about 5 mins of "quality time" with the kids a day. that's all. guess that is why I see myself very much as a lone parent because that is what I am in the end of the day.

I also do not have any other family around so I am basically alone with pretty much everything (I have some good friends but they are all working in busy jobs and/or with little children and can only provide very limited practical help - they are more moral support) and I feel that I am slowly but surely cracking under all the pressure (esp DD) and work (household, job, nursery runs, doctors appointments etc.). I is anybody in a similar situation? how do you cope?

spiritsam Fri 29-Jul-11 20:16:24

Hi Choc
I know exactly how you feel i am on own with DD 3 years she has dx for now off GDD 1/2 to 2/3 and s&l delay set at age 15 months , autistic traits , challenging behaviour , hyper e.t.c . My friends work or have kids themselves , my family to the outside world look supportive but are not . I am full time mum so no work . Guess i don't really have much positive to say apart from your not alone and it's really quite hard smile
Sending hugs x

chocjunkie Fri 29-Jul-11 20:25:52

thanks spirit smile

spiritsam Fri 29-Jul-11 20:28:07

Could you get Homestart involved or similar ? Any surestart centres with groups to goto ?

chocjunkie Fri 29-Jul-11 20:32:09

what is homestart? we don't really go to surestart groups (no time because of my job, household and DC2)...

spiritsam Fri 29-Jul-11 20:34:36

They give a couple hours per week .

saladsandwich Fri 29-Jul-11 20:39:24


i have one child who is 2, he isn't so bad at the moment though just behaviour, sleep and medical stuff at the minute.

i am a single parent and i have my own health problems i have nthing in the way of family support, people presume because i have family nearby they help and they do nothing so pretty much alone although we do have support in other ways, i have fantastic hv's (will be sad when they cannot help anymore), sure start have been good to us too .

its little things like i do my big shop online, ds got a funded nursery place through sure start for children aged 2-3 that 15hrs gives me a chance to clean and do any clothes shopping (ds hates clothes shopping) and an hour to myself.

the appointments i just write them all down, on the calendar then i can plan around them, he sees alot of different people, im dreading starting college this year because i wont be as available for appointments xx

janetsplanet Fri 29-Jul-11 20:40:47

im a single parent with 3 kids. my 2 girls have dyspraxia. DD2 has SPD, speech problems and is being assessed for ASD.
my family live close by (mam and sister) however my mam wont have the girls (12 and 7) because they cant look after themselves. Also DD2 has a tendency now and then to wipe poo on the wall, or leave her clothes covered in poo/smells of poo. my sister just describes DD2 as 'fucking nuts' and 'a weirdo' (she did have her the other night however)
i get no help but have a lovely neighbour who DD2 loves. shes a young mum herself and still lives with her parents. if i want to go somewhere, they will babysit for me. the mum and daughter alternate every few hours and dont mind poo or anything. so i do get out now and again

spiritsam Fri 29-Jul-11 20:44:22

Hi Salad
Surestart have helped me too . I have been cramming everything into 5 hrs per week but dd just got in summer playsheme for 8 hrs per week smile and starts 15 in sep . Lots more appointments which like you are on the calendar and i too have own health problems .
Good for you starting college , your v brave x

janetsplanet Fri 29-Jul-11 20:54:11

surestart and the HV were a great help to us. we had a family link worker who would do speech with us. we went to all the groups. the HV helped me through domestic violence and got me into counselling because of my nephews stillbirth (i was drinking quite bad)

saladsandwich Fri 29-Jul-11 22:40:30


sure start have been absolutely great, they attend ds's caf meetings, they got him the nursery funding, they have been great for the play groups, i've found because ds has been to all the playgroups and is known for his behaviour like high pitched screaming he is more readily accepted now.

health visitors well, one i havent seen as much but she has been nice when shes come and she is good with behaviour, my other health visitor deserves a shiney - would maybe be worth trying the health visitor for a chat see if they can help? mine has arranged ds's caf, community paed, pushed salt honestly she has helped us so much, will be forever grateful for how much help she has given us. she did mention homestart but now ds has the funded nursery its not really necessary.

spirit the college course if im honest im doing for selfish reasons, i want something for me and i'm hoping it will give me abit of a break (might be deluding myself there)

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