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ds is a runner

(15 Posts)
choclily Sat 23-Jul-11 22:52:33

i have tried everything, the stop, start game, sitting him down and talking to him about running off, teachers have told him, i now don't know what to do.
he has asd and has difficulty in following instructions, can get very confused, has no sense of danger and no stranger danger.
i spent along time with him in a double buggy due to his running, over the past months i have been letting him walk, not once has he held the pushchair or my hand for more than 30 seconds before running. i have to hold his hand or arm really tight and most times i loose my grip, (i have to push his sis in a pushchair which he has now tried to tip over several times) it's a nightmere, i do have single pushchair with buggy board but he is too heavy for it as he thinks it is funny to jump on it. i can cope with the shouting out things and the screaming he does, but i can not cope with the running off. over the past week or so i have been putting the strap off his rucksack and clipping it to his trousers, he hates it and i mean hates it, he kicks, bits, throws himself on the floor, holds onto fences and railings and sits on the floor and refuses to walk, it took me 20 mins the other day to get out of the school gates and then he promises he will not run if i take it off, begs me i take it off and before i can even hold his hand he has gone sad i know i should not of taken it off, i really don't know what to do. i have also ignored his running (when its safe) so he does not get a reaction but it makes no difference, i really do think he just can not help himself. what i don't understand is although he won't stop when asked like at a road he does not run off when out with the school !!!! do children with asd stop running as they get older or is this going to be ongoing. he is 5.

HansieMom Sun 24-Jul-11 00:19:52

I'd get a harness for him. You might have his dad take him out in it the first few times as DS won't like it, but tough! For his safety, it's needed.

zzzzz Sun 24-Jul-11 00:32:58

If he doesn't run with the school then he is perfectly capable of not running with you. Safety DOES come first so reins or strap until he has proved he won't run.

What about he holds your hand for 5 lamp posts then he gets a chocolate star or whatever? Keep the packet in sight and count the lamp posts together.

If it is the same route to school you can use chalk to make coloured circles he has to spot for on the way home....give him a snack for each one he sees. I think you are just going to have to make walking with you more interesting, suck up the fact he doesn't like holding hands because you both just have to, and I think you need to practice ALL the time. My son has to hold hands all the time, the only time he isn't holding my hand, it is hands on the car while I get my keys out. My ds can't understand cars/roads etc so there is no choice. Mostly he is good about it.

choclily Sun 24-Jul-11 10:36:29

he runs when with his dad as well and with my sister and my friend, at school he has to hold another childs hand when they go out and they get yelled at as soon as they let go. although i have let them know that he has pushed my dd in the road while holding her hand (tried the buddy thing hey if he does it as school he may have done it with me) so just waiting for him to do it with them sad . I have tried the treat thing but he just starts fighting with me and grabing them, i have also taken his playstation away from him when he has run off, only for a few hours but it was a hell of a few hours, did this for a few days and it made no difference. the school run is an ideal route to try to teach him to walk with me as it is a short journey and on back roads, but now its the summer holidays!!!!! its not just when we go out for a walk, he runs off when we go shopping etc. I think i will just have to continue with the strap on his trousers and hope he learns that he has to hold my hand or the pushchair when we are out. i have to say he is a different boy at school, the school don't get any of the problems we have out of school ie the running, the hitting, bitting etc, the throwing things, the complete meltdowns, although his sister has said he has started to get into trouble a bit more at school recently so maybe this is the start of his behavour spilling out into school life. If this happens it's going to be even more hell, his new teacher is very strict and shouty and when i meet her regarding him, she did not seem interested, he's just another kid in her class of 30 sad

Get a crelling harness.
www.crelling.com/WALKING%20REINS.html

Sorry but I think it's a matter of safety and you need to be tough with him.

If he doesn't run off at school then obviously he is capable of controlling his behaviour ..I know children with ASD can often 'hold it together' at school only to melt down at home but the urge to run is pretty instinctive and it does sound like he is playing you up especially as by the sounds of it he has the ability to understand.

Also it doesn't sound like you have been consistent with him... he begs so you let go. All he has learned is that if he makes enough fuss you will let go and he can run. Get reins and get consistent. It will be hideous for a while but worth it in the long run. (I've been there!)

jjgirl Sun 24-Jul-11 12:54:26

reins and a strong belt for you and a D clip to attach the reins to your belt. it is so much easier when you have two hands free. and agree dont go out without them. he will get used to it. for a while i had to give DS a packet of crisps every time we left the house to occupy his mind away from the reigns. it did work in the end.

Triggles Sun 24-Jul-11 14:22:21

DS2 is a runner. We have a Maclaren pushchair for serious busy times (or when I'm out and about with both DS2 & DS3). We still use reins, although are looking at buying the harness now as the reins are going to be too small soon.

I think the big difference for us is that DS2 is happy to wear the reins, doesn't seem to bother him at all. (although to be fair, he hasn't always been that way)

Ineedalife Sun 24-Jul-11 15:53:37

I have had real trouble with Dd3 over holding hands and not running off, she is 8 now and much better.

We used reins until she went to school but then changed to a rucksack with a chest clip and a strap or handle on the back.

She still doesn't like to hold my hand but she is much more reliable and has finally learnt to walk by me and stop at the roads. Now she is older I say hold my hand or I am going to hold your arm, sometimes she will but if she doesn't I do just hold her wrist and ignore the pulling and growling.

Good lucksmile.

colditz Sun 24-Jul-11 16:07:10

My Ds1 is eight .... and mostly, he's still a runner. I hold onto his hand/wrist/elbow ALL the time. The difficulty is not that he dashes off (my five year old also does that, sheer exuberance) but that, unlike the five year old, he often doesn't listen to me bellowing "STOP STOP STOP!!!!"#

When they were 5 and 2 was very difficult, I also had the pushchair tipping issue but 'luckily' Ds1 was very skinny and still fitted in toddler reins, so he wore those and I wrapped the handle around my wrist. I don't need to do that any more because I can always let go of Ds2'shand to grab Ds1.

If the toddler reins are definitely too small, or he can get out of them, try a crelling harness. www.crelling.com/WALKING%20REINS.html

choclily Sun 24-Jul-11 20:20:45

thankyou to everyone, right the backpack no longer works, he can take it off, however i can use the clip on strap off it and clip to his trousers (which i have been doing) i think i have been a bit soft and trusted him but it is really hard when he is screaming, kicking and laying on the floor and trying to hold a pushchair oh and the people giving the old disapproving looks, not any more the rule will be clip on trousers, to walk nicely with me and thats it, it's going to be hell so may be a new taggie attached to him to take his mind off the strap and him not being able to run off. and sod the looks i may get. So if you see a stressed out mum with four kids, one on a dog lead type thing screaming, kicking and laid on the path it's prob me having a very bad day sad blush but hopefully it won't last forever smile thanks again always great advise here and someone to tell me what i am doing wrong, smile

EllenJaneisnotmyname Mon 25-Jul-11 08:44:55

Just a bit of hope. My DS2 was a runner, I had him on reins from age 3 when DS3 was born. I used to loop them around my wrist and he was on a buggy board (he used to bloody jump as well!) I lost him once when he ran off and I found him across the school field in the school hall playing with the drum set!

He's now 11 and I've recently started to let him cross some quiet roads by himself in preparation for secondary. It does (eventually) get better. smile

choclily Mon 25-Jul-11 09:46:34

I hope it does as i have no idea how he will get to secondary school as the roads are very busy main roads just to get to the bus stop (it is close enough to walk but that involves crossing more busy roads), so 6 years to train him up sad i can not see it happening at the moment. A bit off topic he does not understand what is not really and what is ie noisy land from the mr men books he thinks is really and he is always asking 'is that he our world' is this normal for asd kids

choclily Mon 25-Jul-11 09:47:34

sorry really is meant to be real blush

colditz Mon 25-Jul-11 12:55:22

I don't know if it's normal for ASDkids but it's quite normal for five yearolds.

Ds1 didn't listen to any fiction and still doesn't really. He's overly logical though, and doesn't believe in Santa either.

choclily Mon 25-Jul-11 13:28:09

my dd understands what is real and what is not and has done for a few years she is 6, but my ds really can not understand from real and not, i have started a new thread as interested to know if others have this problem smile

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