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Its all my fault and I'm making it all up

(38 Posts)
rebl Tue 19-Jul-11 19:13:39

Apparently its all my fault, ds that is. Apparently there is nothing wrong with him and I'm am neurotic. His limp is a behaviour brought on by me. This has been deduced because he's not complaining of pain. Right. Well he doesn't complain of pain. He didn't complain about broken arms for gods sake. He was still using the broken arm on both occassions. His pain responses are completely haywire. Even in there he glanced against something and it was like the world had ended, clearly demonstating that he doesn't respond to pain normally. His horrendous and plainly strange behaviour, which he was demonstrating in the consultation, is brought on by my neurotic worries. I am apparently being obstructive to communication between the paeds and CAMHS. I don't know how because there is only so many times I can ask CAMHS if they have contacted the paeds. I offered him the CAMHS phone number and he said no! The sleep problems are normal. He shouldn't be having all these assessments by camhs because there is nothing wrong with him and it all in my imagination. I said that we've thought for a long time there is more to him than just a deaf child and camhs are agreeing and he said "is that you saying that or have camhs actually said that theres more going on". To which I said camhs said that theres more going on to which he rolled his eyes.

It was horrible. ds is getting no investigation into why he's limping. Any other child would have been investigated. I have been directly accused of making up ds's problems and causing his behaviours. I have been directly accused of being obstructive. His mode of questioning was so aggressive it was horrible. I can't stop crying now. All I want is ds sorted. He was there being just plain strange and its all either in my imagination or brought on by me being neurotic. Yet camhs catagorically said yesterday that I'm not neurotic and I'm not imagining things and there are things wrong.

Dh says we should write an email to camhs telling them to contact the paeds asap and explaining why. He also says we should complain about this consultation. But I can't because I know they'll use it against me.

hannahsmummsy Tue 19-Jul-11 19:29:24

see my thread , im going though similar with my dd , its worrying and heart braking and it wouldent happen to nt kids xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

rebl Tue 19-Jul-11 19:36:17

No it wouldn't happen to nt kids. I KNOW I could take my dd in there tomorrow if she was limping and she would be investigated. I can't believe what I'm being accussed of.

smugtandemfeeder Tue 19-Jul-11 19:44:15

Im feeling sad too rebl. All three of us need a group hug.

Sorry that you had that today. Some of the professionals are so patronising. <<hides from Lougle>> I never thought that asking for help and advice from professionals would lead to them questioning my parenting. All of us on here work damn hard at trying to sort problems out before we ask for help. Yet they judge us and come up with wack-job ideas about what we must be doing to our children. And all the time we can see the pain in our children and the help they need, and no one is helping.

utah Tue 19-Jul-11 19:59:44

I was never blamed but my ds issues were trivialised, just a slight speech delay from paed at 2, there are more children with complex needs it will hard to get sen placement from ed psych. Two years on my son is non verbal autistic with signifiant to severe learning difficulties and about to start sn school. Over a year of early intervention was lost while they sat on the fence. Still bitter

hannahsmummsy Tue 19-Jul-11 20:07:25

The fact is school makes dd ill , the fact they deny bulling , im not causing her illness and shes not faking , its stress induced , if they stat assesed her and gave the suppoort she needs , she wouldent say she felt sick every morning , i have got to the point where i send her to school ill so they can see shes ill and the school nurse sends her home . a nt kid would say they were ill be belived .

coff33pot Tue 19-Jul-11 20:46:59

Not always hannahsmummsy smile My eldest is NT and for all her school life in senior school she was bullied by kids and teachers. She felt sick every morning and had panic attacks at school and ran out of class and got detention for it as classed as bad behaviour. Docs said she was putting it on because she was "at that age" and that she just didnt want to go school. She had chronic tummy pains etc. I kept saying something was wrong and she kept saying she wasnt happy but in the end I believed the professionals and even put my dd through a welfare officer to coax her into school. The school covered it up well. She did finish school amidst a whole lot of tantrums and me sending her back when she ran home. Sorry to say my NT child continued to be ill even after school finished and after loads of tests it was found out she had duodenal ulcers and hiatus hernia from straining being sick. All they said was brought on my stress...................And I will also add that the consultant snarled at her as she was going in for a camera down her throat saying "soooooo you are in here wasting my time for indigestion then"........Just to let you know that not all NT kids get believed all the time guys smile

coff33pot Tue 19-Jul-11 20:49:20

my stress ....should read BY stress lol

rebl Tue 19-Jul-11 20:56:58

I now feel that I have to defend myself. I'm not making things up, I'm not neurotic. All these things are real. Why should I be having to defend myself when I should be helping my son? What do I need to do to cover myself from the allogations?

hannahsmummsy Tue 19-Jul-11 21:09:55

coff33pot poor girl xxx I know school can be a stressfull time for any child , bullies will find anything too pick on wrong hair cut , sn , inteligent ,wrong trainers . schools can be so blind xx

justaboutWILLfinishherthesis Tue 19-Jul-11 21:13:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rebl Tue 19-Jul-11 21:19:48

He had a x-ray done by gp and I was told it was clear. The gp wasn't happy so said speak to the paed (as he has a paed anyway). And that is what I tried to do today sad.

rebl Tue 19-Jul-11 21:21:31

I'm going to have to go back to the gp about the limp and get a referal to an orthopedic paed aren't I.

Dh has written a good email to camhs stating that we need written interim report from them asap.

hannahsmummsy Tue 19-Jul-11 21:21:52

keep trying xxxx

justaboutWILLfinishherthesis Tue 19-Jul-11 21:22:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Claw3 Tue 19-Jul-11 21:25:48

Rebl its a crook of shit, this is what was thought of me, pre-dx with ds.

Write to Paed to confirm your conversation.

whatcanwedotostopthis Tue 19-Jul-11 21:38:58

Dont complain, in my experience professionals will certainly use it against you and it can get far worse than you can ever imagine in retaliation with no evidence. Are you absolutely sure CAMHS are supporting you? Do you have reports etc in writing from them to confirm what you think they are saying?

There seems to be so many people being accused of bad parenting when the professionals should actually be focusing on the child. This mistaken focus is delaying or even preventing the necessary help for the child. I have had the most awful experience of this and my child suffered unnecessary pain although I posted under another name.

I have heard so many accounts on this forum and elsewhere of dreadful experiences with these types of accusations but everyone is fighting their case in isolation. When accusations are dropped I guess many people want to keep a low profile or are left totally worn out. Quite understandably as the fear and lack of trust never goes away. Also it is not something many people want to discuss as most people will think no smoke without fire especially if the children are declared at risk.

I feel passionately that something should be done to publicize and question how common this appears to be coming. I have no knowledge of the system to know if it is really becoming more common or if it has always been the case. Not sure if anyone works in this area? I have no idea if these false accusations are is due to poorly trained professionals, over reacting following baby p or if it is due to retaliation for complaints at delays and mistakes in the NHS or a genuine inability to diagnose more complex cases or even to prevent access to funding without a diagnosis. I vowed that when I proved my childs medical misdiagnosis I would try to prevent any false accusations happening to anyone else in future!!

Sorry to hijack this thread slightly but does anyone else feel like this? Could this forum be used to publicize these issues more widely and to fight for a reduction in false accusations. I think because people dont go public there is little awareness of the damaging effect that these false accusations can have on a families life.

Nothing can ever be the same once all trust has been lost in professionals. Parenting styles change due to living in fear that one phone call to social services or one trip to A & E could then result in losing your children as the false accusations remain on file. Medical records appear to be made incredibly difficult to obtain when false accusations have been made even with the involvement of the ICO despite the DPA.

Does any one have any interest in this subject or know of any organisations that would be interested to get involved or are researching this. Where would I be best posting on this forum to try to get views/help?

Many thanks and good luck OP

rebl Tue 19-Jul-11 21:43:48

We have no written evidence from CAMHS yet but they spoke to both me and dh together. They have also spoken to school and told them the same as they have told us. DH has written to them tonight asking for a written interim report.

coff33pot Tue 19-Jul-11 21:53:04

I think they always look at the parent first before they open their eyes to anything else. I have been on the receiving end of proffessionals accusations for my DS SN and the cloud always hovers and I have lost trust a LONG time ago...........To be honest yes it would be great to shout loud and stop this but I think you never will. Negative I may sound but social services have got it wrong so many times and children have suffered because of it. I think that is why current day they are coming down on everyone like a ton of bricks. Not fair at all by any means but there doesnt seem to be a happy medium with them.

Parents are always having to prove their self worth. But deep down rebl you know your son needs help. Dont give in and hold your head high. Dont lose your rag with them and just politely (through gritted teeth and a smile) tell them you wont stop till every possible avenue is covered and you are satisfied your son has been properly assessed. Get hold of CAMHS and get as much written info/reports as possible for future reference and keep hold.............and when they are wrong.................then you can shout from tall buildings smile

whatcanwedotostopthis Tue 19-Jul-11 22:00:42

Be very careful with CAMHS. Our CAMHS were making accusations behind our backs but never told us the concerns to our face and we always saw them together!! We thought they were assessing our son for ASD and we actually took him for ADOS test that they said they had done at the time but never did and we didnt find out for weeks! They still wont let me see everything they wrote but I am fighting it via the Information Commissioners Office under the Data Protection Act.

Dont complain about the paed until you get a diagnosis for your son then you can complain about the actual misdiagnosis rather than his treatment. Can you go private? My heart goes out to you. It is the most horrendous situation. Maybe get school to confirm in writing what they have been told by CAMHS before you break up for holidays to support you as then you wont be able to contact them for a while. Good luck

Any thoughts on fighting accusations in general?

Claw3 Tue 19-Jul-11 22:06:00

Getting CAMHS to put anything in writing, is like getting blood from a stone. They will not usually get involved with any disputes whatsoever. The only thing they would provide me with intially was a care plan. School were blaming me for ds's difficulties and CAMHS just sat on the fence, for the first few months.

Although i will say once you have them on side ie they have decided your ds's difficulties are not your fault, they are extremely helpful. They wrote a letter to Tribunal for me. Have offered to go into school etc.

whatcanwedotostopthis Tue 19-Jul-11 22:16:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Claw3 Tue 19-Jul-11 22:23:08

Making verbal accusations is easy. You may find no one will be prepared to put these into writing. If they are brave enough to put into writing, they must have very good evidence to back up their accusations.

The evidence might well be inaccurate or simply not true. At least when it is confirmed in writing, you know what you are dealing with.

cory Tue 19-Jul-11 22:32:08

rebl, so sorry to hear this sad

I know how it feels, we were told dd's inability to weight bear was due to trauma and that they suspected sexual abuse...

(dd is NT btw apart from her dodgy joints, so yes, it can happen to NT children)

It was ghastly, but we got through in the end, dd got a proper diagnosis and we have gradually gained confidence.

Just try to stay calm and firm.

At least you've got CAHMS backing you up- try to get something in writing from them. I know lots of people have had negative experiences of CAHMS, but for us they (and SS!) were lifesavers, because they were happy to put in writing how they saw dd from their pov, and that carried a lot more weight with the medics than anything we could say.

I have found ordinary medical professionals the most difficult to deal with, they seem to get terribly touchy if they can't find a diagnosis straight away, and very keen to suggest there is something wrong with the parent.

coff33pot Tue 19-Jul-11 23:07:00

coff – Surely we can aim to reduce accusations or make them more accountable for some of the lies documented? It must be possible. If some of it could be publicized in the media surely it would make professionals think twice about their lies or could be emphasised on their training?? Other areas have managed to get publicity in the media and change perceptions.

I realise what you are saying but I would put this as a separate thread really. As it is totally separate to rebls dilema and not fair to discuss another (somewhat same subject but world battle) on top of this post iyswim. smile

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