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School are really starting to piss me off

(11 Posts)
Claw3 Tue 19-Jul-11 08:31:53

I have posted about ds getting lots of trouble the last few weeks. He has gone from being extremely passive and well behaved and never missing a playtime, to missing several playtimes a day and now even being sent out of the classroom.

There seems to be a mixture of things that he has actually done and other children blaming ds for things that he hasnt.

Ds is very confused by it all, doesnt seem to connect the consequence with the behaviour and is showing signs of anxiety ie not eating his lunch or dinner, lots of repetetive behaviours of head shaking and lining things up, scratching his skin, not sleeping and actually telling me that he worries about school.

I wrote a note in his home/school book, stating that ds seems to getting into lots of trouble lately and is confused and requesting a behaviour diary, so that i can then help ds to make sense of it at home and hopefully reduce his anxiety.

His teacher, has replied, being quite abrupt, listing what he has got into trouble for and saying "not sure why ds is confused because he clearly understands in school why he is beig sent out".

Would you even bother replying to this or just go the head and request again?

zzzzz Tue 19-Jul-11 08:59:15

It sounds to me like she is bored and has decided to crack down on your ds because she is skipping off on holiday and won't have to deal with the fallout.

Explain that ds may look like he understands when he is at school but is definitely worried and stressed at home about it and having problems making sense of it all.

Explain that you want to help him understand at home to support her good hmm work at school.

Explain also that it seems to have been spiraling out of control for the last few weeks and you want to get it back on an even keel so next term starts out well for his new teacher.

Send in a sheet for her to fill out when he gets in trouble and tell her that you will try your best to back her up and reinforce what she is saying at school, so they can both have a happy last few days.

Claw3 Tue 19-Jul-11 09:23:25

Thank you zzzz, she is not off on her holidays, she is leaving!!

Ds has job share teachers, one of whom is the one who is about 12 years old and leaving and just doesnt 'get it', the other who has just got the job of Deputy Head and splits her time between teaching and DP duties.

Deputy Head was on playground duty this morning, i had a word with her, she doesnt really 'get it' either, but as least she seems to know ds a bit better. She gave me the 'boys will be boys' talk, but at least agreed to a diary.

I will respond to the comments just for the record, yours are very well written, you understand these difficulties far better than ds's teacher, would you like a job teaching smile. Roll on next term and no job share teacher.

Claw3 Tue 19-Jul-11 09:31:17

Oh she also thinks that ds should go back into 'lunch club' (8 children with SN's, mainly autism sit on a table away from the other children and are supervised by adults, they do not go out into the playground, but instead go to the nursery for playtime)

Ds hates it and was getting equally as stressed about going.

FickleFreckle Tue 19-Jul-11 09:50:17

So sorry to hear about your poor ds, Claw. I would reply, not because I think she will change her mind but because you want to demonstrate that you are working with staff. I think zzzzz's advice sounds excellent. I would also put down in writing that you are concerned that other children are getting your ds into trouble as this is known to be a problem with some SN children.

I would ask the teacher to clarify how she knows that "ds clearly understands" - what criteria does she use to check understanding, and that the understanding has been retained? She will not exactly love you for this but it is important because my ds will nod or echo statements or say what he thinks he is supposed to say but this does not necessarily mean he understands fully let alone remember when overloaded or under stress.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you both, lets hope next year it all goes more smoothly - it is a nightmare enough communicating with just one teacher, let alone a job-share arrangement.

Claw3 Tue 19-Jul-11 10:03:15

Thanks Fickle, ALL reports and recommendations clearly state that ds has difficult understanding and following instructions and that these should be backed up with visuals. But as usual, teacher knows better than experts. Ds does understand, ds doesnt need visuals, ds doesnt need any more explaination than any other child.

I feel like pulling out her massive loop earrings and using them to prop open her eyes, as she clearly has difficulty seeing what is so obvious! smile

Claw3 Tue 19-Jul-11 16:02:20

Thanks for that Fickle, i know she was implying that ds is 'making it up'. Got into trouble at school and then pretending he doesnt understand to get out of it at home.

i have added to my reply "as you know ds has difficulties in processing language and severe difficulties in understanding word meanings. Can i ask which strategies you used to make sure ds clearly understood"

Knowing full well, she doesnt have a clue that ds has any difficulties and that no strategies are used at all. She would have dealt with him in exactly the same way, she does the rest of the class.

I dont want to embarrass her, but fuck it, ive just about had enough.

Starchart Tue 19-Jul-11 17:02:11

From now on you write loads. Not because you will get anyone to change their minds about anything but because you are documenting and creating evidence. You photocopy the home-school book each week and always the day that something significant is written in it.

You continue to make reasonable requests despite already knowing it is pointless. These need to be documented.

Claw3 Tue 19-Jul-11 18:26:05

I have been writing loads Star, you taught me that loooong ago! Every incident that ds tries to describe to me, i write in contact book.

I know the teacher is getting pissed off with me because of her responses, but what has been even more evident is her very limited understanding of ds and his needs. Which is exactly what i need, as what school said was all the tribunal were interested in last time.

Starchart Tue 19-Jul-11 18:30:02

Don't stop just because she is pissed off but be very careful to be A. Polite and B. Reasonable.

It can't look to the next tribunal as 6 of one and half a dozen of the other.

Claw3 Tue 19-Jul-11 18:55:42

Yep as always, what im thinking and things i would like say, well the rude ones, stay in my head, what comes out of mouth and fingers, is nothing but polite.

Ds was doing fine at this school, well a lot better, until they took away his 20 hours of one to one. Since Tribunal they have taken away everything, apart from the help he receives when he leaves the classroom for social skill groups and movement groups.

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