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5yo DS - hitting and scratching

(6 Posts)
MunchkinsMumof2 Mon 18-Jul-11 14:51:26

My ds has a significant speech and language disorder and is being assessed for autism. He also has sensory issues and a very high pain threshold. I only know he's been hit / scratched / bitten when I bathe him. He also hits back and scratches as he doesn't understand it hurts to do so and is wrong. I overheard the Mum of his only friend today saying that her son has come home with unexplained scratches on his back and now I am really worried it was ds who did it. Should I say something to the Mum and if so, what? My son can't afford to lose his only friend and I am getting more and more down about all that being a Mum to a SN child entails sad Thanks in advance for any words of wisdom.

zzzzz Mon 18-Jul-11 15:43:10

I would phone the school and ask what is going on.
I would also phone your sons friends Mum and say that you have been noticing scratches and bite marks on your son at bath time and you are concerned at what is going on at school. She will probably say she has seen the same and then you can both ask the school to supervise what is going on.
Obviously if both boys are marked then this is more than a one off bite and has been left uncorrected. The staff are responsible for your sons safety and teaching him that he and his friends can bite and scratch each other at school is stupid and will only escalate. To be fair they may have missed it completely if it is all under clothes but it does beg the question who exactly is watching them. In my experience [sadly large] a bite that leaves a mark will take a little time to perform...

Al1son Mon 18-Jul-11 20:34:40

You should definitely challenge the school about how your DS is supervised and what they intend to change in response to the injuries you've found. It's not acceptable for children to be coming home with unexplained injuries.

Your son needs to be taught explicitly how to interact with his peers and it's their responsibility to do that when he's in their care.

MunchkinsMumof2 Mon 18-Jul-11 21:11:23

I agree with both of you but my son doesn't / can't tell me what has happened and doesn't have the reasoning skills of a typical 5 year old. We explain inappropriate behaviour to him repeatedly only to find he's repeating it 5 minutes later. I have asked the school about the injuries and one boy left school as a result of the bite as his Mum was mortified. 2 boys bit him through his vest and school shirt and left clear bite marks on his shoulder. I am worried that he is learning bad behaviour at school and is becoming more aggressive as a result, which I why I am worried he was responsible for his friend's scratch marks.

zzzzz Mon 18-Jul-11 21:24:23

The fact that your son is going to take longer to learn not to bite or scratch makes it even more important that school are right on the ball. My son could not really explain anything that happens at school, he is not verbal enough yet, but I would expect if he was hurting someone else and they were hurting him that there would be a clear plan of how it was gong to be dealt with. I do no think it is your sons fault at all if he is allowed to misbehave in this way. I do think it is shocking and that neither you, the other Mum, or his friend should just be left to get on with it. Clear consequences will help in the long run [I am a seasoned mother of a bitey-boy]. It will take time but it should be tackled head on. IMO anything else is negligence.

MunchkinsMumof2 Mon 18-Jul-11 21:33:32

You are right zzzzz, my son's next teacher is the welfare coordinator and I have introduced myself to her and explained some of my son's difficulties including his use of inappropriate language that other children say and he copies eg "stinky" and "stupid" and she said that she is aware of this and the other taunting that goes on and it will not be accepted in her classroom or care. I think she will be good for my son and I am glad he only has 4 more days left this year. Thank you for your advice.

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