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Not happy about sons "carefully managed and planned re integration into education" as stated in his statement :0(

(21 Posts)
brandy77 Mon 18-Jul-11 14:32:47

Apparently the Head of the SS has said he doesnt do this! My son would have been off school for 9months come september. Its stated in part 3 about his planned programme to support his re-integration. Ive just been told that my son is expected to be just dropped off on the 1st day of term and left the whole day! The EP had stated that he would need photos of the school/teachers etc to help him cope with such a huge change for a 6 year old. Is this normal with SS to just dump them screaming on day 1? I know that if it is dealt with in this way he will kick off big time the following morning and so the anxiety based school refusing begins again sad

That is not going to work, Im really really p****d off. Ive been discussing school with my son (yr 2) for a few weeks now to get him to accept this school and already told him many times that it will be slow and he doesnt have to panic etc. His anxiety about school was so severe in mainstream hence him not attending since January as he would get extremely verbally/physically aggressive just to get him in the car, if i could get him in. I am really upset about this and now wondering if ive actually chosen the right school sad

Sorry ive waffled

IndigoBell Mon 18-Jul-11 15:01:57

Have you spoken to the HT or the Senco?

Have they explained what they are going to do and why they think it'll work?

I can see why you're concerned........

brandy77 Mon 18-Jul-11 15:28:37

apparently there isnt a SENCO as its SS. Im going to ring the head now. I did speak to the EP and she said as its in part 3 of the statement they should be setting up a re-integration. Dont know what il say to the head if he says not! il come back and let you know, thanks for replying x

catherinea1971 Mon 18-Jul-11 15:35:01

I can see how worrying it must be for you. Was he previously in mainstream when the refusing started?

zzzzz Mon 18-Jul-11 15:35:51

I would say

first week with you in tow,
to half term home at lunchtime,
and full time after half term.

.....you can always speed up if it is going well, or pull back if it isn't working. Slow and steady wins the race.

I would ask for the above, if it is knocked back, ask again, still no joy, say you will need to think about it, as you really can't afford to have this next try at school messed up or he will never get back in.

Make sure they know you are all on the same side.....but that you are the parent [ie boss!].

brandy77 Mon 18-Jul-11 16:01:21

ok ive phoned the Head, hes out at a meeting, the office manager lady was very nice and told me not to worry and will relay back to the head my concerns that nothing has been set up for september. Shes going to ask him to ring tomorow.

catherine, yes he was mainstream, he struggled in reception even though they said the usual "hes fine", he just got totally lost with the transition to year 1 and the pressure to keep up with the class, his anxiety was terrible and it was a constant battle every morning. It got so bad in the end I gave up trying or I would have had a breakdown from the persistant aggression. Surprises me how a child so small can be so strong.

zzzz, thats a good idea, il write a plan like youve mentioned and suggest it to the head when he rings tomorow. it definitely wont work if hes rushed, poor kid. I get the feeling from speaking to the office manager that a lot of the strategies that have been discussed in TAC meetings via his old school havent been fed back to the head. Although hes had the statement so should have read the part about a planned integration. Also I need to discuss his care plan for his medication as its very complicated!! I think its probably best if i tell the head we will meet in september and discuss it further do you think? i know schools are terribly busy for the last week of term obviously

zzzzz Mon 18-Jul-11 16:10:53

I would try to get something pencilled out this week as then you can tell ds about it. I removed my son from school in Dec [year 1] and he started at his new school part time spring half term. He goes full time in Sept and I am worried but quite confident that after the last term and a half he will manage now. It is more important that your ds loves school than how much he is attending. You can support this in lots of ways, but IMO a slow start is one of the most important. I would also ask for photos [use website if they are slow in producing them], timetables, school dinners menu [or if pack lunch start having it at lunch at home]. If you can get hold of there syllabus for next term you can pre-teach him some of it over the summer, which will give him a bit of confidence.

catherinea1971 Mon 18-Jul-11 16:25:08

Hi Brandy, the reason I asked about mainstream was that a ss setting from what I have experienced is a very different environment to a mainstream. I'll play devils' advocate here...... it may well be the case that the HT has come across similar situations in the past and that in his experience what he suggests is what has worked out best...
My ds is starting ss reception in september and the whole environment and structure of the school differs so much from the local ms schools.
How do you feel about this new school? I think that you as a mum you know if it is going to be where your dc will be happy. Hope you sot everything and your ds starts to enjoys schoolsmile

Pixel Mon 18-Jul-11 17:25:54

I was like you when ds started. I expressed concern about him doing full days straight away as he had been very unhappy at the special nursery but the school said they wanted to try so I agreed. Needless to say he couldn't cope but to give the school their due they were very quick to admit their mistake and put a new plan into action. Ds started doing just mornings for the first half-term and then they introduced one whole day a week, building up only when he was ready. They took it very slowly and he wasn't full-time again until the summer term. It worked out very well.
If I had to do the same again, I don't know if I would insist on the slow method straight away or not. I think in a way it helped to go with what the school wanted initially because they could then see that I wasn't being difficult for the sake of it (I was proved right grin), which meant they always listened to me after that, and I gained a lot of trust in the school by seeing how keen they were to adapt to ds's needs when it was obvious a method wasn't working.

brandy77 Mon 18-Jul-11 20:27:02

hi catherine, oh im so glad your son wont be experiencing mainstream, im sure he will be fine having just the SS to attend from the off. When kids have had terrible experiences in mainstream it makes the whole school attendance process very tricky as the confidence/self esteem is sooooo lowsad As for how i feel about the school, it has a good ofsted report and when ive visited it seems lovely BUT i was warned by the paed that used to visit the school that she felt my son was too fragile for there as its a behaviour/learning school and not so many ASD kids and he is soooooo sensitive to other kids, but its the only SS locally so I didnt have much choice really. I wish your son luck for september.

Pixel, glad you were proved right grin !!!!! ha ha !! I cant risk being proved right incase it backfires and my son wont attend again. Hoping the head will ring and il be suggesting what you and zzzz have said and see what he thinks, hoping he will just agree, he does appear to be a very kind head when ive met him smile

catherinea1971 Mon 18-Jul-11 20:58:34

I chose to start ds in ss as my dss had many problems with schooling when he was young, I believe that if he had been enrolled in ss from the off things might have turned out better for him.
I am very fortunate in the area I live as there are many ss's or units attached to mainstream, I went to look at 3 and knew when I walked into this one that ds would fit in, he has had 2 taster sessions and absolutely loves it!!
How many children will be in your ds's class? Have they not offered any taster sessions for him, it would be a really good indicator as to how he will find it.
I really hope everything works out well.smile

greatescape Mon 18-Jul-11 21:26:43

Sometimes in ss it is eaiser to have the child in fulltime straight away because when some children go part time they get really anxious and worry about when they will be in school and when they wont. It can confuse them and they begin to see school as being a choice as to weather they go or not they then wont settle because they would rather not be fulltime. If it is a good ss they will look after him and have an induction period were he is given extra help to get him familiar with school. He should have a key worker who will liase with home about any issues. Initially contact should be made every day so if there are problems they can be sorted straight away. They will help him to make friends with the other kids so he will want to go to school. They will be able to tell when he is stressed and be able to give him quiet time when he needs it.

brandy77 Mon 18-Jul-11 21:35:25

i think there will be about 8 children in year 1 and same in year 2 and then they come together for certain subjects as far as i can gather catherine smile dont know how he will cope, as he socially he is a nightmare with more than 2 kids and he gets very upset so easily. Im not worried at all about once hes in the school as I know he will have lots of support and they will understand him better than mainstream, its just the getting him in there to start off with. He is traumatised to put it bluntly, but i have been talking to him about the school and when he had his 1:1 badminton lesson today at the sports centre he was adding up shuttlecocks and told the teacher that he would be better at maths when he goes to school smile

thanks greatescape. Yes he will have a keyworker, he needs someone to monitor his loo trips to give him his meds so i was sort of hoping i would have met the keyworker before he started there. Il see what the head says tomorow .x

zzzzz Mon 18-Jul-11 21:59:08

greatescape that sounds brilliant if it works for your child, but one plan fits all is not true for all children, even with the most loving and caring staff. My son for instance could not eat, drink or use the toilets at school when he first went. Expecting him to go for 6 hours and for this to be fixed by a good induction period and a chat with his key worker at the end of the day, is in our case unrealistic. Most children start out in nursery going part time and build up to school hours by the time they hit school age. They have no problem accepting this and I think it is just the same process delayed a few years. My son actually has very little concept of a schedule and basically knows where he's going based on the clothes he is wearing, uniform for school, crocs at home, trainers for days out etc..

greatescape Mon 18-Jul-11 22:20:04

zzzz I do realise that there will be situations were this wont be possible I was trying to offer a different opinion. The school will see it as they cant work properly with the child if he is not attending all the time.

zzzzz Mon 18-Jul-11 22:34:12

Greatescapes, I understand that you were giving a different view on things. It is a valid view, but I do not like blanket policies for any children, but most especially for vulnerable and worried children. I do think you are presenting things as fact that are in not necessarily correct. For instance the school may think that they can't work properly with the child if he is not there full time, but they won't necessarily be so blinkered. They may be of the opinion that a happy settled child is more important than their school attendance. My sons school certainly were on board with him being part time and have worked very hard to settle him. We have had a good year and he has integrated well into the class.

greatescape Mon 18-Jul-11 23:05:43

zzzz When my ds was put on part time school it upset him because he wasnt able to feel part of the school and was never able to make friends because every time he went back in the other kids had moved on. He spent the whole time worrying about what would happen when he went in. It kept him awake at night because he was worried. When he moved to ss we put him back in fulltime and with the help and support of very dedicated teachers he was able to settle. It did take him a long time to settle but he wasnt waking in the the night worrying about it. It can be right for some children. He now loves school and is doing really well.

brandy77 Tue 19-Jul-11 07:46:30

agree with zzzz, all children are different, an already school traumatised child has to be treated with kid gloves or youre back to square one again and thats my son, so pleased your son coped with the straight in full tie gescape, mine certainly wont. Hopefully the head will ring today and I can arrange a meeting for the beginning of the sept term to discuss the plan and also to discuss his complicated medical plan

TheNinjaGooseIsOnAMission Tue 19-Jul-11 08:10:06

hope you manage to get somewhere with the ht brandy. Fwiw don't write this week off, dd3 went to visit her new ss yesterday and they are going to see her tomorrow at her current school, they may still be able to arrange a visit, you could always take your own photos then if you wanted. Dd3 will be doing full days from the start but this isn't an issue for her so I'm happy with that but the school have said I can go in as often and for as long as I like for the first couple of weeks. Do point out if you have to that s/he is legally obliged to carry out the statement and if that says gentle reintegration then that's what has to be done, it could just be that they missed that bit or have forgotten. If you don't get anywhere with the ht then get straight back on to your case worker at the lea, parent partnership any good where you are, they may be able to add a little pressure.

zzzzz Tue 19-Jul-11 08:28:14

My ds definitely feels "part of the school" and has been able to make friends. I am not sure why children would have "moved on" because they had played with someone else for the afternoon without him. hmm If that was the case all of them would be having to start again every morning because they had played at home after school. No, for us none of this has happened.

My ds was very very unhappy at his previous school [which he also started part time]. I was pushed into sending him full time very quickly with the promise of more help and outside agencies, easier routine, etc etc. It was a disaster for him [though obviously would work for others or they presumably wouldn't have pushed so hard for it]. He came out of school before Christmas and was home schooled till the following spring half term. We then put him in school for mornings only and have increased that to full time on Friday last term. Next term he is going to go full time and I am worried but reasonably confident that he will manage it. His HT has been very helpful, and has suggested that if it doesn't work we just return to part timing. I can't see why that isn't a sensible plan for everyone.

brandy77 Tue 19-Jul-11 20:18:36

oh zzzz i hope the head will be as supportive as yours is, my son also has been out of school since january so it will be extremely hard for him returning especially to a new school. the head didnt ring by the way so im going to ring him 8.30 in the morning smile

thankyou ninja, i am thinking they may have skimmed the statement and not seen the part about the gradual integration also

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