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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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On the verge of telling social services to go take a running jump

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mumoftwolittlerugrats · 16/07/2011 16:35

So they were involved over our 4 year olds special needs, according to them.
They did a 7 week children in need thing and said if it all goes well it will go down to TAC.
It was about to go down to TAC but my son started swearing a lot lately and screaming (a LOT).
We're getting through it because both me and DP knows he just goes through stages, and if weremain calm and make sure he isn't exposed to swearing (by telling all friends and relatives to be careful with language) then he will get through this period and forget it all.

So at the last meeting, we were very late through no fault of our own, and missed a social worker visit previous to that, so they were a bit snotty, barely listening to the fact that I was in hospital.

So they said they're concerned and want to investigate further now, because my son is obviously in a lot of distress, they need to find out why he's suddenly acting this way.
Well if the effing morons actually listened to the consultant specialist, who says he seems very autistic after assessing him twice,and if they'd looked into his condition and how it affects him, then they'd knowfine well why he's acting that way.
He regresses, forgets things he learnt, can scream and freak out at someone talking to him alone, just because he was responsive last week, doesn't mean we must be secretly beating him at home for him to act worse the next week.

Our social worker seems to know NOTHING about my son's mental disability.

So she says they're not satisfied everything's okay (well of course everythings not okay).
So she's going to start doing surprise visits for the entire summer.
No, she didn't ask if she could.
Her body language was appaling towards us, she may as well have built a ten foot brick wall between us and told us through a hole 'I think you might be abusing him so I'm gonna catch you when you don't expect it'

My son is going to a specvial school in september, thank god, I'm sick of people thinking I must be doing something terrible, because he comes across as 'traumatised'.
Me and DP put several hours a day into our son. I read him a good 3 stories each night, stroke him head to sleep, make him what food he likes. I stay calm when he's screaming and swearing in the street and stand there for however long it takes until he's ready to carry on walking.

I'm at the end of my tether, my partner is wonderful, and is the most caring father I've ever met and puts in equally halfof the parenting.

When we're only 'just' getting through this (son's constant screaming).
Social services have the cheek to come in and say theyre suspicious and will invade our home when they like.
They never even tried to speak to me like a person and understand our situation.
I speak with many people, I use the childrens centre frequently and we get along great with the health visitor and support workers when we do a weekly parenting class.
But this social worker comes along and says this to us.
I'm nervous as hell, if they're gonna come out and say the house isn't good enough, or what she's gonna do.

I'm bursting into tears constantly. They've made things so much worse.

I really want to just call and say she's not welcome anywhere near us, we're finished with them.
They bassically laughed at us asking for funding for extra nursery hours for DS, so they can't help, but they just glare at each other and speak all accusingly. They even said because there's no official diagnosis, they're not even really taking him having a disability seriously. They think we could be causing his behaviour.

So, I don't want social services near us.

Do I have any rights to tell them to stop harrassing us and causing us stress, and go away??

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Lougle · 16/07/2011 17:29

Oh MoTLRR, that is tough. I don't think there is a way of disengaging now, without you giving the caseworker even more grounds for her suspicions.

Imagine how it would look:

"I expressed concern to MoTLRR and now she has terminated contact. I am deeply concerned about the well-being of master Rugrat"

I think there are a few things you can do.

-You can keep a diary, an 'ABC' diary. A is antecedent (what happened before), B is behaviour (his screaming, swearing), C is consequence (what did you do, what happened next, etc.)

If you can show that a) you take their concerns seriously b) you are just as concerned c)you are trying to identify the cause and look at patterns of behaviour d) you have a rough idea of what might be happening, that may be reassuring.

-You could try videoing some episodes, to show that they are spontaneous or that you didn't do anything to cause them.

-You can tell professionals working with you that SS have raised concern, and ask for tips or pointers to help his behaviours. Then go back to SS with an action plan proposal.

I can understand your anguish, and tbh if DD1 hadn't been in the 'system' so long, and hadn't kicked off half an hour into our assessment visit, our story could be just like yours.

Fortunately for us, DD1 kicked off after the SW had been here half-an-hour, and she could see that for DD1 it is like the flip of a switch. There isn't a build up, there isn't a direct cause, she just 'flips'.