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Would you allow your 8 year old with AS to buy herself a dummy?

(21 Posts)
Al1son Thu 14-Jul-11 18:25:04

She has saved up the money by herself.

She doesn't want a DVD a toy, sweets or anything else I can think of to tempt her with instead.

She has some chewy sensory toys but they aren't the same apparently.

She is asking me several times a day to take her to buy them. She isn't going to give up and is getting more and more fixated on the idea.

Her anxiety levels are sky high at the moment to the point where I have today withdrawn her from school for the rest of the term with the blessing of the EWO and the GP.

I don't want to encourage her to regress but I don't feel right preventing her from doing something she feels so strongly about and which is so harmless.

She doesn't do baby talk or pretend to be a baby in any other way.

She thinks it would help her to sleep which is a big issue as she is often away until the small hours.


Ineedalife Thu 14-Jul-11 18:35:02

Bless her, thats a tricky one, how easy would it be to police it and make sure it says in bed?

Am off to guides now but will pop back on here later. smile.

Al1son Thu 14-Jul-11 18:43:14

She's very rules bound so I would say it has to stay in bed or it's confiscated and she would panic if I took it away to wash it because I'd broken the rules grin

Calally Thu 14-Jul-11 18:43:49

if it was only gonna be used at bedtime. it would be ok, IMO. although ds is 6, and still takes 1 to bed. its only supposed to be for bedtime, although he randomly appears with 1 during the day, and removing it from him causes a complete tantrum. community nurse said, if it helped him sleep, then let him do it, he'll give it up when he's ready, but he has a lot going on at the moment. you could try it and see how it goes?

zzzzz Thu 14-Jul-11 18:56:06

Could you put a time limit on it....for instance you could say "yes" she can have the dummy, but it's been worrying you a bit because dummies have to be changed every 2[?] weeks and so she will have to keep buying them. I don't think it will put her off but you may be able to have times without dummies in between while she saves for the next one so she doesn't become dependant....I to would say only in her bedroom, only in the dark and only if she is going to bed!

metimenow Thu 14-Jul-11 19:02:08

Has she always had a dummy or is this something new ? My ds has autism and adhd he kept his dummy at night till he was 9 then he suddenly decided he didnt need it. I think if it gives her comfort and she sleeps better it is ok for her to have it.

Goblinchild Thu 14-Jul-11 19:06:00

My DS is able to cope with MS school, has just finished Y11 and GCSEs.
When he's stressed, he can still PFN in the world most of the time, but is very Aspie at home, including some very infantile behaviours.
It helps him cope if he's able to relax in a safe place. It doesn't transfer to school.
So I'd do it, within the boundaries of her own room.

Al1son Thu 14-Jul-11 19:10:02

She used to have one but was never very dependent and gave it up as a toddler.

I'm glad you haven't all called me a loon for considering it.

All those rules will apply and perhaps it will will help with sleep which did improve for a few nights with zzzzz's help but school's ineptitude meant she was awake until 4.30am on Tuesday night so we're back to square one again.

I wonder if she'll be willing to set foot in Tesco in order to buy one hmm

glimmer Thu 14-Jul-11 20:16:08

Hi, no experience with ASD, so my opinion is sort of an external one. It sounds totally fine to me. And is there not all that research (in infants admittedly) that says how important sucking is? Maybe it's really self-medication with regard to anxiety.

yodelayheehoo Thu 14-Jul-11 22:21:05

Have you asked her why she want's it so much and how it would make her feel better to have it? You could try and encourage her to find comfort with something else, maybe a soft blanket she can rub on her cheek?

If all else fails, I would let her have it for bedtime. smile

Al1son Thu 14-Jul-11 23:25:02

I have asked her why she needs one but despite having the vocabulary of a much older child she has the skills of a two year old when it comes to recognising and vocalising her emotions so no joy there really.

I took her to Tesco this evening and she has gone to bed happily sucking one. Whether she'll sleep sooner remains to be seen.

I might use that self medicating phrase if I get cat's bum faces from professionals.

zzzzz Thu 14-Jul-11 23:39:01

Only tell the professionals if you really think they need to know. You are perfectly competent to make this decision and do not need anyone's permission. What you and your dd decide is OK in your own home is entirely up to you.....anyone gives you a cats bum...I would just remind them of that. grin

justaboutWILLfinishherthesis Fri 15-Jul-11 06:06:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

justaboutWILLfinishherthesis Fri 15-Jul-11 07:38:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Al1son Fri 15-Jul-11 12:23:45

I won't tell any professionals but I know someone who will grin

Ineedalife Fri 15-Jul-11 14:51:35

Did she sleep better Al1son??

Dd2 is NT but slept with a dummy till nearly 6, she was never a good sleeper anyway but when we got rid of the dummy she became even worse. She is 15 now and a really bad sleeper.

I would say if it helps your Dd to settle then so what. Ignore the people who say it's wrong [ie, grandparents, dentists etc] and do whats right for you in your own house.

Goblinchild Fri 15-Jul-11 17:06:48

Are you including teachers in with your 'Don't tell professionals'?

logi Fri 15-Jul-11 21:32:42

My son ASD still has a bottle ...we do get grief from the professionals but i see it as its me who deals with the constant waking in the night and if it helps my sons anxiety i dont see the problem,even as adults we all have habits mine is chewing my finger nails to the bone lol

zzzzz Fri 15-Jul-11 23:00:46

Goblin, Why on earth would you be discussing what your child does to get to sleep with their teacher? hmm I honestly can't see how it is anyone's business but the child and her parents.

mariamagdalena Fri 15-Jul-11 23:03:50

You got her to Tesco to buy the dummy? I think you could easily justify it on those grounds alone grin

Al1son Sun 17-Jul-11 20:59:50

Well we've had a weekend away for a trip to Legoland (which was fantastic) in our caravan which meant she slept next to me for two nights. I saw her wake up, find it and go back to sleep sucking it a couple of times so I can honestly say it does help her settle which is a bit of a surprise.

The 'in bed only' rule has worked fine.

She has been calmer than usual too but that may be because I have withdrawn her from the last week and a half of term because her anxiety was going off the scale and I couldn't take any more of the constant meltdowns.

I wish I could say she needed a new dummy every time I needed to pop into Tesco! I'll use that excuse to get her there whenever possible grin

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