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To be upset about people's FB status boasting about their clever, intelligent NT kids and what miracle they performed that day.

(31 Posts)
pigletmania Wed 13-Jul-11 18:42:11

Well that's it. I am so fed up about my FB friends posting about how wonderful and intelligent their NT kids are, how good their pre school report was, how their learning to write their letters, and count to 100. How wonderful they did at sports day, complete with pictures.

While I am ranting, I am also fed up of these FB friends telliing us in their stati how they are fed up with their pre schoolers talking all the time, and the questions that they ask. If only my dd aged 4 (possible ASD, speech and lang delay) can do those things. Don't they realise how lucky they are and how they take it for granted that their kids can do those wonderful things.

colditz Wed 13-Jul-11 18:44:30

they are proud of their children. I'm proud of Ds2 - he doesn't have to try so hard as DS1 (ASD and ADHD, + preschool language delay) but he's still my child and he still makes me proud. Except when he uses wordslike 'Gobhole'

pigletmania Wed 13-Jul-11 18:47:40

lol colditz I know but it does hurt when your child is nowhere near. Of course I keep it to myself but I feel sad for dd. Yes I am proud of her, and she has come on so much in the past year, she has learnt to ride a bike and scooter (something that i never thought would happen in a million years).

pigletmania Wed 13-Jul-11 18:48:17

I would give anything to have constant talking and question asking from dd, unfortunately that does not happen sad

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Wed 13-Jul-11 18:49:49

i get ya, my DD can't speak..but I just post my own status updates about her achievements, however small in the scheme of things.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Wed 13-Jul-11 18:50:14

(note my DD can't ride a bike either, you see , there is always someone worse off smile)

pigletmania Wed 13-Jul-11 19:07:52

Exactly Fanjo I read on the SN boards of parents whose childeren have severe and profound disabilities and some life threatening and I realise how lucky I am. I have a happy and alive little girl

JackTheNipper Wed 13-Jul-11 19:28:11

I know where your coming from, I can understand people being proud of their kids achievements, I am on my DS's but when 'friends' throw in your face how better their children are compaired to yours that what really pisses me off!
My DS was born 4 months before my DH friends DD, DS is 3 in september and has CP (speach delay, walks with help in a frame) we often get letters updating up how their DD is doing with coments like 'she has put this puzzle together - genious child etc.... How is your DS getting on has he stopped crying at his shaddow yet LOL!!!

HereLiesDobbyAFreeElf Wed 13-Jul-11 19:35:04

I know how you feel, especially from parents with Dc the same age as DS2.

Actually, it was heartbreaking reading DS1s report as he got excellent in everything, in comparrison, ds2 needs help in every single thing. They go to same school.

Saying that, I am mega proud of DS1, he is a right brainiac and does so well at school.

Goblinchild Wed 13-Jul-11 19:37:53

That's two very different issues though jack. Used to get a bit stressed about people with perfect children sharing their delightful lives, but that was my problem, not theirs. It's fine and lovely to be proud of your children and be boring interested in everything they do.
But comparisons and sneering comments about someone else's, especially with an additional need? I used to squish them fairly comprehensively.
FF a decade, they have the teenagers they are now terrified of and enraged by and spend sleepless nights worrying about things.
I have a lovely teenager who keeps to the rules and walks away from trouble and has several 'healthy' interests rather than sex and drugs and rock and roll.
I'm now being supportive of friends with NT children.
Short answer is patience with the besotted friends, dump those that revel in comparisons.
Neither of mine can ride a bike BTW. smile

pigletmania Wed 13-Jul-11 19:38:06

Oh no jack that is awful, how can people be so nasty sad. It does highlight how different your dc is. We are getting dx in a couple of weeks so will know for definite what it is, but the Paed is going down the road of ASD

Marne Wed 13-Jul-11 19:40:29

I know its hard to see others bragging about there nt children doing great at school ect but there parents are proud and want to share.

I often brag about my dd's achievements, the fact that they have ASD makes me want to boast even more as if to say 'look, my child has ASD and can still do better than your nt children' grin.

My dd's cant ride bikes, i doubt dd1 will ever ride a bike, i cant have a covosation with dd2 but i am happy when i get 1 or 2 words out of her, last week i got excited as dd1 ate a whole sausage without moaning or gagging grin, to most people they wont understand how anyone can get so excited about a sausage but to me its huge.

Goblinchild Wed 13-Jul-11 19:45:15

Well, that's why the SN section is so vital for us, we can boast about our child's accomplishments without anyone going confused
For example, mine ate his meal at the Y11 prom.
He's been practising with eating sections of the menu at home for about a month, so he could Pass For Normal. He was so smug about it afterwards. grin

JackTheNipper Wed 13-Jul-11 20:00:43

If it were up to me I would cut all ties with these people, but the fact is that they are DH's friends and known them since they were 4 and he says they are in the small circle of friends and are really close.
Eventhough said smug person refused to come to our wedding because we didn't want his current girlfriend there as she was DH's ex!!!
Thats great about your DS Goblin. I think DS is starting to realise that he is a bit different to other kids he has a flailing right hand which he has just started to hold down with his left hand in an attempt to control it!

pigletmania Wed 13-Jul-11 20:19:28

That is fantastic Goblin smile. No the FB friends are lovely, they don't know that dd has SN as they are not people I am very close to and see, just old school friends that I chat to through FB. I think that you just have to rise above their ignorance jack . I was so sad today because dd told my lovely wonderful friend to go away, and to go home, and cried and refused to make interaction with her. It hurts to see. My friend is very understanding and lovely though, but it does hurt.

HereLiesDobbyAFreeElf Wed 13-Jul-11 20:26:48

Aww Goblin, that is fab!

tabulahrasa Wed 13-Jul-11 20:27:08

I can't ride a bike either sad no reason like, I just can't, lol <felt the need to join in on the bike riding info>

I ignore most FB statuses boasting about children's accomplishments, most of my FB friend's children go to the same school (small town) yet by some miracle all their children are top of the class come parent's evening hmm Some are even in the same class, rofl...

I only pay attention if I think it's something worth congratulating a child on, and I suspect my standards are very different to theirs, lol.

Calally Wed 13-Jul-11 20:38:31

just coz its on fb doesnt mean its true lol, it could all be highly exaggerated, there darling dc's could have got really crap reports etc. we know are dc's are special and we appreciate everything they do a lot more, we have lots of things to be proud off. ds is very smart in his own way, even as a toddler he was able to do a lot of things his friends couldnt. his memory is super sharp, doesnt take him long to figure things out, a lot quicker than an nt child. these 1s boasting about everything, prob wont have much to boast about as there kids get older and start gettin asbo's or something. were as we will still have plenty of things to be proud off as are dc's reach another milestone, or do something we never thought they would.

saladsandwich Wed 13-Jul-11 20:39:28

my ds is delayed and about 12 months(not 100% but nursery say that) behind his friends the same age , its not the boasts on fb that do me its the comments off "friends" when i say how well ds is doing wth his speech "oh my dc said that/did that ages ago"

ds also got a funded place in daycare for 15hrs to try and help him and it is working slowly but now people presume everything he does now is down to nursery, nothing to do with the SALT work i've been doing with him every single day, match and stretching everywhere and anywhere.

sorry to rant on your thread but every single person apart from those working with ds think he is just a regular child and it's all me. xx

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 13-Jul-11 20:39:32

This is just one of many, many reasons why I am not and will never be on FB!!!!!!.

I am extremely proud of my son and he will receive a Headteacher's award next week for his hard work in Y7. I have not mentioned this to anyone apart from my DH as I do not want to be seen by the couple of mothers I keep in touch with these days as boastful (saw more than enough of that when in juniors).

Galena Wed 13-Jul-11 21:00:25

I boast about DD's achievements on FB, but that's because she's physically behind her friends due to mild CP and so when she makes a small improvement, it's a great thing for us. My friends celebrate their children's achievements too. All they are doing are being proud of their children. If they made a negative comment about my child I would take issue with them. Whilst it's just a positive comment about their child, I take it at face value.

Peachy Wed 13-Jul-11 21:09:36

YANBU to be annoyed and I think it's a stage many of us go through when learning to cope with a diagnosis of a SN.

IME it wears off after a bit. Quite rapidly sometimes! DS3 did not speak until he was 6 really, nowadays he is indeed one of those magial children that sometimes I wish would just shut up (admittedly a lot of his speech is reptitive asd stuff).

But it's good that people celebrate their kids, and in my lucky palce of being out of teh dx stage with 2 of mine (in it at the start with 2) I find that there are plenty of things i wish to celebrate about my boys; ds2's aprent's evening wasn't a joy as a new potential dx was raised but I got a letter from school saying how helpful he has been of late and I post that on FB, when ds1 was amde School Council Chair (he has ASD and starts SNU in September), oh so many things.

But it takes time.

saladsandwich I wellr emeber the days when nursery laimed ds3's toilet training (draining, more like!)- yeah right. Now his Base has helped us achieve laods but as a partnership.

Peachy Wed 13-Jul-11 21:11:58

Jack those people are not friends. More, they are very unwise: nobody is immune from bad times or needing support and when their turns comes you'd have to be a saint to provide any!

mumslife Wed 13-Jul-11 21:38:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania Wed 13-Jul-11 21:49:36

I agree mumslife only those nearest and dearest should know, not random people you may hardly know off FB. There are those that post on a regular basis not just a few times.

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