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child with ASD totally unco-operative

(14 Posts)
fusia Tue 12-Jul-11 16:33:00

Hi.i'm new here.hoping to get advice from mums of kids with autism.
the problem i'm having at the moment with my 7yr old son is that he'll not co-operate when it's time to get ready to go out or get to bed.may not sound like much of a problem but it is driving me crazy.
when i say its time to get dressed/brush teeth etc he runs and hides.he will not co-operate at all no matter what verbal prompting(and even threats eg:no story)i use.
i end up having to physically pick him up and dress him while he struggles to undo everything i've done.its a real struggle and exhausting.he's heavy and i'm 37weeks pregnant.i do end up getting cross and shouting which he dislikes but makes no difference.
he giggles in excitment half the time i'm going through this ordeal and brushing teeth is a real struggle too.
i hate having to physically lift him to get him ready as not only is it stressful and dangerous for me being pregnant,it also leaves marks on his skin.but if i didn't do it he'd never get dressed,teeth brushed or go to bed or toilet.
this problem has been going on for years-he did start cooperating a bit for a while but its now at its worst ever-i dread every day and it'll get worse when babys born if i don't act now.
any advice from experienced parents would be appreciated thanks.
must just add that he has MLDs,is verbal but v basic speech and mostly repetitive.he IS capable of doing these things for himself but won't.

Claw3 Tue 12-Jul-11 17:17:43

Have you tried visual timetables, social stories, sequencing charts or timers?

Also rewards for when he does the things expected of him?

fabmum1966 Tue 12-Jul-11 17:19:55

He may be anxious about the new baby if he started to cooperate and has now stopped. Have you used a social story to explain what will happen when baby is born try to make sure he knows you will still love him when the baby is born. Try using a reward chart for when he cooperates. I found that teeth cleaning was difficult with my ds because he didnt like the feel of it in his mouth. How is he at school ? Is he in mainstream ?

fusia Tue 12-Jul-11 21:59:47

he's in special school-wouldn't cope in mainstream.he's not great with visuals unfortunately.
we do have a social story about the baby coming which he goes and reads sometimes which is great.he may well be anxious about the baby-understandable as so am i!suppose it's hard for him as his usually active,fun mummy is so tired,sore and grumpy at the's bound to have an effect on him-just very hard to deal with right now.
i did a terrible thing tonight-said to myself"right you're NOT getting stressed out tonight!" so when he went and hid at bedtime as usual i lifted him into his room and said "ok.if you won't get ready for bed you can go as you are.night-night".two mins later i checked and his door was open and he was hiding again.i said"right-i'm going to get the scissors and cut up your bear(ohhh bad mummy-would never do it).he panicked,ran into bathroom,let me brush his teeth,got PJs on-good as gold!
gave him lots of praise and he seemed pleased with himself.
don't want to make a habit of threats -but it worked for tonight-ahhhh!i know-i'll probably get stick for not handling it the right way but i've had the 1st non-stressful evening for AGES so not too worried.xx

TheCrunchyside Tue 12-Jul-11 23:04:54

Really happy about you having a well deserved stress free night. sounds like you deserve it.

Can you start the bed time routine a bit earlier so you are not too stressed if it goes on longer? He might be enjoying the physical rough and tumble of you chasing and then lifting and squeezing him. So could you start by saying I'm going squeeze you and then saying more hiding and squeezing after pjs and teeth?

alternatively if you have a dh or dp could you let your ds stay up later and have him do the night time routine when back from work to break the habits

The threat things doesn't work for long as I'm sure you know he'll suss you out and then you'll have to escalate - not to speak of putting very silly ideas in his head.

fusia Tue 12-Jul-11 23:26:46

my goodness it didn't even cross my mind that it might be sensory-how stupid of me.thank crunchie its....tuesday!
i've just been so stressed lately.
this makes total sense now on thinking about it-i just thought he was being a little s**t.
yes i'll try your suggestion of the chase&squeezes after ready for bed.
thanks glad i came to mumsnet today. xx

coff33pot Tue 12-Jul-11 23:35:49

How about starting at the end of the school day. Say you are shattered with new baby coming and would just like to have loads of PJ days and snuggle and squeeze and cuddle. Knowing the reward is a good old bear hug might just prompt him to change first. You could ask him to do it whilst you are getting a favourite blanket for you both or something. I know my DS is happy to do something the same time as I am doing something as he feels he is helping so to speak. Then the hard bits done and night time just leaves the teeth bit grin

TheCrunchyside Wed 13-Jul-11 00:18:05

<<glows with appreciation>> come back and tell me if it worked.

Funnily enough it is so much easier to get ds age 5 with asd to bed than his nt 2yr old sister. He loves his routine. I spent two hours settling dd: "not tired mummy, more story mummy, lie next me" etc etc. Know I need to get a good routine with her too but somehow can't be bothered!

fusia Thu 14-Jul-11 23:34:38

hi there crunchyside(love name-i typed in about 50-all taken,then got fed up,looked out window and spotted my fusia plant...)
your advice seems to be working.he gets so excited that he's going to get tickles and chasies round the house that theres not really an issue about getting him ready anymore.amazing transformation-can't thank you enough.feel so calm and happy these past 2 evenings and he's a happy boy to be getting his tickles!you are one smart mummy.
know what you mean about your dd-i've a 3yr old daughter and she knows just how to manipulate cookie but hard work-plenty of discipline seems to keep her settled.gets confusing using such different parenting techniques for 2 very different kids in the one household.

TheCrunchyside Fri 15-Jul-11 16:43:42

So glad fusia. Why is it easier to help solve other people's probs?
Any suggestions to stop ds eating windfall bitter maggoty apples and drinking paddling pool water? If I ask him not too he says ok and "give me tummy ache" but I turn my back and he's at it again! Sigh.

babs2011 Fri 15-Jul-11 17:45:10

Hi all . New to this site , My son 8 ASD, never like's to get dressed even when wer going to a place he enjoys , i still dress him and he's getting a big lad and i do find it harder , and if wer not out the door with in 5 mins and i take my eye off him he'd be undressing . He will go to bed with pj on come morning not a thing on him ..

fusia Fri 15-Jul-11 23:57:24

Hi crunchy.he hears you saying "it'll give you tummy ache"but that means nothing to him-like my son saying "look left and right then cross the road"you can tell them the consequences of not looking but it doesn't mean anything to them as it's never son just walks onto road without looking.thats the scary bit of autism and i've no answers-you just have to be on your guard and be 100% tuned into all dangers.a quick scan of the garden and bin apples before he goes out to play maybe?
babs-this is my problem too-son prefers being naked and whips off clothes the second he gets home.makes visitors uncomfortable but what can i do?tape them to him?.same with pj's at night-they're off within 5mins but will keep them on in bed.and he does realise clothes must stay on when out-thank goodness!so not all bad.

babs2011 Sat 16-Jul-11 09:56:38

Hi crunchy .Yes my son would spend most of the time butt naked if id let him lol . i have the same prob with crossing the roads he also panics if he hears a car coming which can make it very difficult at times as where i live the footpaths can be very narrow and i have to be aware of the mood he's in , after school was a danger time as if it had been a bad day and i say somthing he would as i call it freek out and head off in any direction road or no road which worries me silly .
Yesturday had a new one to deal with we popped to the shop he saw a child from the school he got in a panic he walked home with his jaket over his head/face as he did'nt want anyone to see him , i asked him why he said he was ashamed of him self which i said he as nothing to be ashamed of , well taking him out again today hoping it was a one off or this is going to be a hard one to get around .

babs2011 Sat 16-Jul-11 09:58:55

ooops hi FUSIA need to wear my glasses i think lol .

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