I might stop going into town....

[ihavenewsockson]

I've turned into one of those parents...the ones I used to think couldn't discipline their children.

I've just got back from town, where I went in2 shops and then had to come home as my ASD 3.5 year old was kicking off and upsettting his 2 year old brother. It culminated with me trying to pay a cheque in at the bank with one on the floor moaning and the other wailing standing next to me. All the queue looking and murmuring.

DS2 got burnt last week and has had to stay home, so DS1 has had solo trips into town with daddy all week....so I have one that wants one-to-one attention and one that needs to be exercised like a puppy every day, but who hasn't been out for a week. You think I'm overexageratting but I take them swimming and DS2 (2yrs, 5mths) will swim about 12 lengths of the little pool doggy paddle and play for ages, we usually stay there for 2hours, and he is still full of beans when we get home.

I am really struggling with both of them as they both need such different things. I always wanted to HE but when DS1 was diagnosed last november, we reevaluated adn thankfully, he has been accepted in the local special needs pre-school, starting September. I feel like I'm letting them down because I get so cross and just want to hide from them sometimes.

They are now sitting happily playing in seperate areas of the room but I estimate it will about 3 minutes before one upsets the other.

Is it always like this or am I just really crap at coping?

[ihavenewsockson]

1 minute. well that was a nice break.

[Debs75]

you're just having a bad week. I have been there many times with ds,12, and I just ignore the looks and focus on him.
I can see how it can be hard with 2 so close together wanting different things. Can dp stay home to help you? If ds is registered disabled then his employer has to allow him some leave

[purplepidjin]

You're not crap at coping, you're dealing with a stressful situation exacerbated by your DS's SN.

Have you got room for a trampoline? Even one of those little exercise-y type ones?

Can you organise a "mini olympics" from the toys, get them working as a team and running around at the same time?

Not long til wine o'clock now

[Debs75]

And no you aren't crap at coping and it won't always be like this

[Becaroooo]

You arent crap.

[ihavenewsockson]

Thank you ladies, I do love the special needs board, only nice people hang out here!

I have thought about a mini trampoline, we are in a flat but above KFC so they don't mind the noise, thank goodness.

DS1 is registered disabled and I recieve CA for him, DH is self-employed so has to work when it's there. Unfortunatly, in the current climate, it means doing longer hours for less money to get the contracts. But everyone is in that boat I worked out we would be better off if DH became his carer and I worked part-time, the tax credits we get would increase,nad there wouldn't be the uncertainty of work every day. but then you get reminded of the anti-benefit brigade.

I feel guilty that I am looking forward to DS1 starting pre-school so I can spend some one-to-one with DS2 and help him. He gets so frustrated, I think it's because his speech is delayed and he can't communicate how he's feeling- it just manifests in a 0-60 temper. He's on the list to be assessed but I don't think he's got ASD, just the speech delay.

So tired of all the pressure, all the time.

it has to get better.

[purplepidjin]

The anti-benefit brigade automatically assume that claimant = asbo'd drug-abusing jsa scroungers like my neighbours grr. They like their narrow little rut, and can't climb out of it to see that there are different types of benefit for different needs! Who says you have to air that particular piece of dirty laundry any how?!

Pre-school will be awesome for DS1, lots of lovely tiring activities and rigid structures for him to settle into

[Calally]

your not crap! i no exactly how u feel, i feel like that all the time lol, and even more so now, as ds has been on summer hols since end of june. im a single parent, and his dads useless, doesnt understand why i would need a break, as all i do is sit on my bum n answer a phone at work, and ds is no bother ( so he thinks ) ds has sld and is waiting to be assessed for asd. he has many challenging behaviours, like the throwing himself on the ground ( although have just got a maclaren major, so much easier ) ds is just about to turn 6. some days i just feel like going to hid in the cupboard! :)

[coff33pot]

You are not a crap at all you are human. I would be a millionaire if I gave myself a pound every time I wanted to dig a whole and stick my head in it because DS has thrown his burger on someone elses table because it was too brown or has had a full on meltdown whilst I am trying to prize him off hugging a green wheelie bin because someone burst a balloon right next to him (he wanted to throw the bin at the child). The list goes on.............you have feelings too and are entitled to feel upset now and again and its not wrong that you are looking forward to your ds going pre-school. It will do him a world of good and the interaction and learning will help him greatly. So chin up and smile x

[Debs75]

Don't bother about the anti benefit brigade. When you have a child that is disabled all your plans go out the window and you have to make new plans. If that means you have to shift work around and claim benefits to keep a roof over your heads and maintain sanity then do it.
And it's not like you are giving up work you are just swapping roles. Me and DP are doing this when our youngest turns 3 as ds prefers him and after 18 years of raising the kids I want to get out and work