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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.

Please help so stressed

(28 Posts)
ComeWhineWithMe Tue 12-Jul-11 09:05:57

Really stressed about eldest daughter can anyone help? She has dyspraxia and delayed learning (still waiting for DX but OT and GP seem to think so). School have hindered so much refusing to help and giving me the wrong info about statements. She suffered severe bullying and I couldn't change schools as when she was in reception they h...eld her back a year (August baby) and she went up through school in the wrong year so no other primary would take her.
We evenually took her out and decided to home ed and have been doing since Jan but she hates it and I get stressed and panicky that we are not doing enough for her.
She wants to go to secondary I am terrified she has no road sense and is scared of large crowds and I know she is a target for bullies and gets lost when out alone. I don't mollycodle but I am so scared for her. Does anyone have any ideas as we are both sat here in tears again?

Claw3 Tue 12-Jul-11 09:15:29

Sorry to hear you and your dd are having such a hard time.

How old is your dd?

Have you contacted SEN SOS, they give great advice and know exactly what your rights are as a parent. Your dd has a right to be educated in school, if that is what you both want.

ComeWhineWithMe Tue 12-Jul-11 09:21:50

She is 11 almost 12 but is like a 7 year old. I have an elder son and younger dd's.

I feel like a terrible person and that I have left it too late for her, the head at her old school had a child with the same issues and gave me a lot of lectures advice which I now know to be totally wrong. I really feel like I have failed her.

We have another appt at the GP'S on Thursday and I am going to ask her to be referred back to the OT.

What is SEN SOS?

sparky12345 Tue 12-Jul-11 09:24:46

i dont know much about dyspraxia comewhinewithme and even less about the laws ect reg homeschooling-however
i feel that it would be a good thing to push for a diagnosis.
also-what is youre local cahms like?get youre gp to refer you.
also-i feel that it would be a good thing to get in touch with help/advice people that are knowledable in theses areas and get support/advocacy.
in short-the more people you can get onside-the better.
then go from there.
youre post made me feel very sad comedinewithme and i really hope you get things sorted soon.

KATTT Tue 12-Jul-11 09:27:57

I'd say, decide what you would like for her (and what she would be happy with) and look at her educational needs.

Then it's a case of arguing (with the LA)) that her educational needs are not being met at home or at the large secondary but they could be met with ... whatever it is you think best.

If you're not sure what would be best for her and/or you need more ammunition in your arguments, you probably need an independent educational psychologist's report.

sparky12345 Tue 12-Jul-11 09:30:13

the other thing i was thinking about is-
are there any small schools in youre area?
are there any units?[long shot]
what about fighting for a one-to-one even if its just for playtimes ect?

Claw3 Tue 12-Jul-11 09:37:34

You havent left it too late for her, you are doing something about it now, thats the important thing. Dont beat yourself up about it.

Claw3 Tue 12-Jul-11 09:38:35 hopefullly i have linked this time!

ComeWhineWithMe Tue 12-Jul-11 09:39:56

She has seen the educational Psychologist quite a few times who has also told me I can't get a statement for her it just says in her reports that she is very young for her age and needs extra support.

There are no small schools both massive comps the one she has been accepted for has a good rep but is a bus ride away her brother already attends but I can't expect him to take care of her getting to and from school she is prone to tantrums and running off.

No units nearby that I know of, I asked for one to one for some part of the day and was told it would be impossible as they are losing a lot of staff this year.

Will ask GP about CHAMS.

I am so fed up dp hates me HE he is worried about her future, I am too. She has good and bad days but wants complete one to one from me which I can't do. She has told me I am ruining her life.

ComeWhineWithMe Tue 12-Jul-11 09:40:13

Thankyou Claw.

TheCrunchyside Tue 12-Jul-11 09:48:19

Don't be fobbed off on statements. You don't know until you try. You can apply yourself to the lea. Ask the g¶ or ed psych to put you in touch with the local parent partnership or sos sen can help.

Claw3 Tue 12-Jul-11 09:49:12

First of all its not the EP's decision as to whether your dd can or cannot get a statement. Take that with a pinch of salt.

You can apply for a statement yourself, there is a template letter and you just fill in the blanks. Personally i would start by talking to sossen, they can guide you through it.

It sounds like a very stressful situation for all the family. You are taking the first steps to try and resolve this, dont be so hard on yourself.

sparky12345 Tue 12-Jul-11 09:55:00

well-i once had a ed psyc who was a utter dipstick.
i ended up getting a privite psycology report and a privite ed psycology report and fought from there.
as i said though-the more people you can get onside the better.
its not just about her educational needs is it though-theres other things and
i think this is where cahms could help.
please dont beat youreself up-youre a good mum or you wouldnt be on here writing posts.

ComeWhineWithMe Tue 12-Jul-11 09:59:39

See this is where I feel all ragey when she was in school I begged and begged for her to have a satement and the head was very adamant that it was not going to happen when I asked about applying for one myself she told me I could no longer do this, and numpty I am I believed her and had a stand up row with my MIL who was giving me the right information.

sparky12345 Tue 12-Jul-11 10:03:40

well-[said kindly]dont look back-look forward.
use youre rage for the now and future-not the past-wasted energy that will drain you.
what about parent parnership?
has anyone had dealings with them and are they ok?

Claw3 Tue 12-Jul-11 10:08:54

Parent partnership are ok, they can be helpful, BUT its worth bearing in mind that they work for the LA.

So they are good are school inclusion and liasing with poor relationships between school and home. When it comes to statement advice though, the LA pays their wages.

sparky12345 Tue 12-Jul-11 10:16:49

yep-thats what i thought Claw[L.A]
there was these solicitors specialising in sen that i had dealings with years ago and i cant remember who they were[groan]
ill carry on racking my brains.

Claw3 Tue 12-Jul-11 10:26:11

Parent partnership are good at attending meetings with you and pushing for school to do all that they can to help (to avoid you applying for a statment, im guessing!) but you can use this to your advantage!

If you are a low income and entitled to legal aid, there is community legal advice (i have their number somewhere if anyone needs it) who can act on your behalf. They will also pay for independent reports ie SALT, OT, EP etc.

I even found out the other day, that sossen will lend money to parents for these independent experts to appear at Tribunal on your behalf.

ComeWhineWithMe Tue 12-Jul-11 10:32:44

Parent Partnership were rubbish TBH, they came out and tried to convince me to send her back to school.

Thanks for all your advice it is all very helpful.

Claw3 Tue 12-Jul-11 10:38:16

I would imagine you would be happy to send your dd back to school, IF the school were providing the right help to enable this to happen!

Have you written to the school asking what help they will put in place, to allow your dd to return?

ComeWhineWithMe Tue 12-Jul-11 10:50:31

There is no point in her goin back I think there is only two weeks left of term then she will start secondary.

I took her out once before and they made promises about dealing with bullying and helping her to meet her needs. It was all good for a couple of weeks but then went down hill again.

I have had children send me messages to facebook saying they are going to get my dd and do I know she has had sex in the school playground sad.
A teaching assistant came to my house to tell me how badly dd was been treated.
I have spoke to MP's and tried to get her into oher primary schools but they won't take her because of her age she was born 30 aug 99 so by rights should now be finishing y7 but the school put special measures in place to keep her behind as the ed psych felt it would be too much of an upheavel to move her back into her original class. She is the only child in our area to have had this done.

Claw3 Tue 12-Jul-11 11:00:12

OMG that is awful, im truly shocked. Did you get the police involved?

It all sounds like a terrible, terrible situation and you need some professional advice. Do try and phone sossen, they are excellent.

Good luck, my heart goes out to you and your poor dd.

ComeWhineWithMe Tue 12-Jul-11 11:11:46

They were under the age of responsibility. The staff said they would chat to pupils about not having facebook accounts and maybe get a community police officer to come and do an assembly but again never happened.

I will contact sossen when toddler has her nap, Thanks Claw.

Claw3 Tue 12-Jul-11 11:17:33

They might be under the age of responsibility, but the bloody teachers are not. They have a duty of care to children, especially the more vulnerable ones. Im fuming on your behalf sad

Good luck again.

TheCrunchyside Tue 12-Jul-11 19:39:32

Also fuming for you. We should be able to trust schools and lea to do the right thing for our kids. You are not foolish for thinking. But now you know the truth and you must stick up for your dd and persist persist persist.

Any mum that can home ed a child rather than send her somewhere she is unsafe and unhappy has a lot of guts. If I were you I'd start the school hols early and spend time talking to sos sen or another great org called ipsea. Tell your mil she was right and get her onside to help you.

Good luck and keep coming back to your thread to see if we can help. I got a statement for last year what I learnt iS that the first step is for them to agree to assess. If they do that then even if you don't get a statement they will need to show how dd can safe in school _ this might mean transport to a unit if none near by.

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