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Urgent - should I cancel CAF review?

(22 Posts)
rebl Mon 11-Jul-11 11:08:23

Its my ds's caf review in 2 hrs. I had high hopes of moving forward in it because CAMHS were going to present their findings, which I know what some of them are. They were also going to present their support package, which I don't know what it is. Unfortunatly CAMHS are now not going to be present due to illness and my support worker isn't able to come because of illness. I'm ill as well and feel like death warmed up. There are going to be a couple of people there who still think this is all neurotic mum and quite frankly haven't had the chance to batter me down because camhs have always been there and my support worker has always been there to stop them. I wondering how usefull the meeting will be without CAMHS being present (they can't even get a report to the meeting sad) and I'm scared silly I'm going to be basically given a battering by these 2 people (who without camhs there are going to think they're top dogs). Plus I feel like shit, I've been ill since Thursday and although I've not been sick in the last 48hrs I think thats more because I've not eaten anything in the last 48hrs than I'm actually better. I really do feel dreadfull. But I dont' want to let my son down and not be at the meeting if it goes ahead because if I'm not there and camhs aren't there it will be letting him down. Can I cancel at this late stage or do I just grin and bear it? There is a proffesionals meeting in a weeks time which obviously I'm not going to be at but the same people going to CAF are going to the professionals meeting so they could acheive the same then, just without me there.

magso Mon 11-Jul-11 11:18:03

If you do not attend will the meeting still go ahead - I mean can it be postponed? ( sorry no experience of cafs but am here if you need to bounce ideas) If you have to attend take a good supporter with you.

rebl Mon 11-Jul-11 11:20:34

I don't know, I'm assuming unless I say I want it postponed it will still go ahead. I'm not sure I can postpone it at this late stage though. Can I? Its now less than 2 hours time.

I don't have anyone I can take with me at this late stage either. I am normally well supported by the support worker and camhs but neither are going to be present this time.

silverfrog Mon 11-Jul-11 11:25:44

you could try to postpone (I think I would, in your position).

and if they insist it goes ahead, maybe say at the beginnign (and insist it si put in the minutes) that you did not agree to the meeting taking place, since so many key people are absent, but that you are happy to listen to them on the proviso that no final decisions are taken, as so much evidence/info will be missing that a properly informed decision cannot be taken.

and that, in the absence of full information, you will not be contributing yourself, as you cannot commit to anything they say without hearing all sides of the argument.

purplepidjin Mon 11-Jul-11 11:31:14

I think you should try and rearrange for a better time, as so many people are ill. You won't get a clear and balanced picture of your DS's needs without all the information wink

Good luck - I hate having to fill in Pre-CAF's because I know all they cause is stress down the line (although I only do it when I suspect the family needs more support eg because the children are being abused...)

rebl Mon 11-Jul-11 12:01:44

Can't be postponed so close to it apparently. So I have to go and pray that I'm not sick and I don't cry! And pray that they don't gang up against me and tell me that its all because I'm a neurotic mother and there is nothing wrong with my son. There is one person there who has already said that to me in a consultation room in private before and I don't think she'd hold back in a more public meeting either tbh. The ToD is going to be there who away from CAMHS is quite happy to say that my ds is fine just to be a "sheep" and learn through copying others actions rather than learn through both a visual and audiatory means like other children (maybe thats why he's now hitting). She said that in a CAF review a year ago and this horrible paed saw no problem with that statement at all. Now I'm going into a meeting with the "old" team who have never listened to a word I've said and have been so derogatory towards me and have such low expectations of ds with none of the "new" team present who have actually agreed with me that there is more to ds than just deafness and his deafness isn't typical for his loss.

I'm getting myself into a state now and the nerves are making me feel iller sad. DH can't get home either, he's over 3 hours away.

purplepidjin Mon 11-Jul-11 12:06:17

You're a tiger. Fight fight fight fight fight fight. You can do this.

Call a mate to go with you? Can CAMHS send a different representative with the case notes?

As silverfrog said, state clearly that you are not happy for the meeting to proceed as there will be large amounts of information missing.

Do not accept the minutes until you're happy with them - keep sending them back for a rewrite if necessary.

Line yourself up a treat for afterwards, afternoon on the sofa with DS and a DVD? Let him indulge his favourite hobby for a couple of hours after school to give you some peace >>hug<<

rebl Mon 11-Jul-11 12:16:30

CAMHS can't send another person, apparently over 50% are off with D&V today. I already asked when they rang to tell me.

Do you think I can take any friend? They wouldn't really know what to say would they.

I'll try and make it clear that I'm not happy about the meeting going ahead with such important people and information missing. I'm so scared of being bullied by them like they did a year ago. DH was there at the time and stepped in but he's not going to be there this time either.

TheNinjaGooseIsOnAMission Mon 11-Jul-11 12:18:04

rebl, would you consider doing a written statement along the lines of what silverfrog and purple have said to take along with you. Makes sure your opinion cannot be mistaken and left out of the minutes. I can't see why the meeting cannot be rescheduled to the professionals meeting, you could leave part way through and leave them to it, sounds more like they are trying to be difficult. You know what they are going to say so just repeat, without all the facts as so many key people are missing today . . . and we'll all be here willing you on.

TheNinjaGooseIsOnAMission Mon 11-Jul-11 12:20:05

of course you can take a friend to support you, just having someone in the room you know is on your side is a big help, they don't have to say anything. You could always ask them to take minutes for you!

TheCrunchyside Mon 11-Jul-11 12:21:32

If you think they will gang up on you then maybe call in sick -say you have d&v and can't leave loo/are scared of infecting them.

might be better to have a shit outcome that you can challenge on grounds that you and others weren't there than a shit outcome that came ostensibly after consultation with you.

Bet that if you do cancel they will end up rearranging. if not then you could have a later meeting with camhs later and send in notes as an offical report.

rebl Mon 11-Jul-11 12:24:43

Calling most likely friend now.

rebl Mon 11-Jul-11 12:30:42

No answer on house or mobile sad.

I'm going to go, I've got little choice. I can't let those people talk about ds without him having an advocate there. Have to leave in 15 mins. Writing a statement now saying what you've all said.

purplepidjin Mon 11-Jul-11 12:31:40

A friend will at least be able to reassure you that you're not going mad when they try and tell you stuff that never happened. They'll also be able to have a nice long gossipy lunch with you afterwards so you can dissect it and over-analyse to your heart's content or is that just me?

TheCrunchyside Mon 11-Jul-11 12:38:10

Good luck rebl. MNSN is here. We believe you and are on your side and collectively have as much expertise as them.

Try to think about what outcomes you want and ignore all the other shit.

rebl Mon 11-Jul-11 12:44:37

Have re-read last minutes and its been minuted that CAMHS and OT suspect dyspraxia. Thank god there is something like that in B&W that this awful paed can't argue about now cos CAMHS aren't present.

Right, I'm off. Thank you all. I've just got to hold it together.

purplepidjin Mon 11-Jul-11 12:55:44


<pours large alcoholic beverage of rebl's choice ready for when she's finished>

rebl Mon 11-Jul-11 14:41:10

Thank you all for the support this morning. I can't believe I got myself into such a state over just a few people suddenly not being present. These CAF's, are so scarey at the best of times and without the people being there who actually understand ds properly being there its even worse.

It was immediatly acknowledged by school and lead prof that it was bad that CAMHS weren't present and that alot couldn't be discussed or taken forward because there was too much important information missing. Only taken forward SS and summer holiday support actions. They didn't have a go at me and just had a dig at CAMHS instead.

I'll put the alcoholic beverage on ice just now thank purple, I think it'll be the final straw for my tummy. The teacher at one point actually asked me if I needed a bucket!

rebl Mon 11-Jul-11 14:48:22

Oh and they complained that CAMHS had let me know and not the lead professional know that they weren't making it to the CAF. They did a big collective complaint on that.

TheCrunchyside Mon 11-Jul-11 14:54:16

phew. glad it went ok

TheNinjaGooseIsOnAMission Mon 11-Jul-11 15:49:54

what a relief that's over! I hope that means you're getting some support over the summer.

rebl Mon 11-Jul-11 16:11:28

Ninja No support still in place for the summer and lead prof is going to contact SS asap to find out what is happening.

Actually feeling a bit better now. Maybe half the reason why I'm not shifting this bug is because of how stressed I am.

DS is now bouncing on the trampoline. Hope it doesn't mean limping tomorrow but I can't manage the fall out of not letting him right now.

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