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feeling negative

(16 Posts)
drivemecrazy63 Sun 10-Jul-11 15:13:49

im so very very pleased for the mums on SN whos dcs are doing well who have just had great SAT results, but i feel so worried after seeing my dcs, he has improved since the last sats (his school opted out last year) so his last ones were in year 4 when he was getting 1 & 2 in most subjects. hes ASD and Dyspraxic, hes now on 3 in english and 4 in science and 3 in math , im still worried sick about his english , ive spoken every parents evening and every other given time i can find telling them im worried,
hes at special school now so perhaps it will improve but they say same its hard to even get him to leave a space (they have tried everything) and he doesnt want to be told when he spells something wrong, hes in year 6 and now going into yr1 senior (yr 7) in sept,maybe im expecting to much ive two other dcs at the other end of the educational spectrum and im not comparing but i know they were getting 5s at the end of year 6 so its hard not to notice and worry.
hes doing ok in reading as ive spent a lot of time with that and a change of phonics helped dramatically but He totally refuses to engage in any homework or learning outside school hoursas hometimes for fun and chilling he says, and now lately hes stopped and refuses to read outside school hours too i think hes working so hard in school hes just had enough by 3pm.
i have asked about typing programmes but they say he doesnt like those in school and i would buy one for home but i really dont think ill be able to get him to even try it, is there a BBC one free i could use thats easy for him to try online? thanks in advance guys

Mitmoo Sun 10-Jul-11 15:21:49

Seriously, not all children are academic, probably not what you want to hear. If you put too much pressure on him to achieve he may feel a failure, ask instead where are his strengths and work on those.

Of course he should try to improve. My son compartmentalises, his home is for fun his school is for learning. The only thing I might consider if the school does extra activities maybe even at the end of the day so he is doing extra work on the premises.

If he is happy then let the school deal with it, ask them what they suggest you coud do at home if anything and stop worrying.

Triggles Sun 10-Jul-11 15:22:49

there's a free touch typing programme on the cbeebies website..just do a search for touch typing on their website and it will come up

Ben10isthespawnofthedevil Sun 10-Jul-11 15:25:30

Here is the BBC typing program. It is very easy to use.

DS is only in Y1 but is now trying not to do reading etc at home. I now do it in the morning before school as he is too shattered at night and it turns into a battle of wills.

drivemecrazy63 Sun 10-Jul-11 17:53:09

thank you Mitmoo I dont try and force him anymore , I used to when he was smaller but it always led to meltdowns ,
His stregnths are math and science , but even at school the subject that he's best at is weirdly the subject that upsets him and causes meltdowns the most and that is maths , he has a big problem they are working on of confidence, he seems more happy doing english as eventhough he finds handwriting hard and spelling impossible thats the subject where you can use imagination more as he has lots of ideas that he wants to get down on paper quick and his head is ahead of his pen IYKWIM , he is not the accademic type no, hes more visual and likes drawing and making things, its probably early days and im sure now hes in the rightenvironment they will be able to find out what hes really good at, then we have to convince him he's good at it, because often the only one stopping him is him.

drivemecrazy63 Sun 10-Jul-11 17:54:10

Oh thank you triggles and ben10 ill look those up and when hes in the right frame of mind ill get him to have a go

Mitmoo Sun 10-Jul-11 19:31:58

Drive I have the same problem with my son, he closes down and thinks he can't so he can't, getting through the wall is the problem He also gets suicidal so if your lad is happy to me that's the most important thing.

I am degree educated and my lad is smart, I so wanted him to be able to achieve academically but unfortunately I've learned that isn't the most important thing, that's the backdrop to my reply.

drivemecrazy63 Sun 10-Jul-11 20:21:34

thats what I believe too , happiness is now top priority for us as ive two other dcs doing very well in ms , but my ds whos 11yo and asd he is not terribly happy no as I was saying on the other thread weve just come through 2 years of self harm , but hes getting there he was at ms until 6 months ago but kept self harming trying to run away when stressed and was very unhappy mainly at school as he was bullied quite badly (hes moderate asd and dyspraxic) of course I would love him to pass all his exams and do well in school but he was so like a fish out of water .
his statement came through and I viewed different schools and decided on this SS hes at now we had to fight for it , as you do, hes now becoming more confident showing a little empathy for the first time occasionally , he just was not accessing the curriculum in ms anyway so we opted for helping him in a more rounded way I feel , and if hes doing well enough and a lot calmer he will still be able to possibly do some GCSE's and ASDAN or BTEC
at MS as his TA will go with him and be there in background , I just felt if we didnt do this something really bad might happen, the biggest complaint he used to have was nobody understands him and he has no friends, well thats changed now he feels they know where hes comming from and he has a couple of new friends, finally I feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel.
My dcs biggest thing is his fantastic memory for repeating things he hears word for word ... but he cant remember peoples names hes known since a toddler , memory is a strange thing isnt it.

Mitmoo Sun 10-Jul-11 20:32:03

Drive me for what it's worth I think you've come to the right conclusion, my son's suicidal tendancies scare me so much, he's smart so belongs at mainstream but struggles really badly with the social side of things even though he has friends.

He doesn't understand why people are nasty to him and take it all so personally, he can't shrug it off, it takes him to despair literally.

I wish your son all the best and to be the best he can be but most of all for both of our sons to find happiness.

EllenJaneisnotmyname Sun 10-Jul-11 22:20:52

Oh, drive, sorry if I upset you. I support a boy in a MS school with ASD, he's Y5 but his predicted SATs are similar to your DS. It sounds like your DS has made great progress in 2 years, up 2 whole levels in some cases. You would only expect 2 sub levels per year. Please try just to compare how he's done against where he was. Hard, I know, when selfish people like me start boasting. sad My DS was very borderline level 3/4 for English, I was delighted he just tipped over into a level 4. Really didn't mean to upset the lovely people on here. In a way, if he'd got the level 3 it might have meant better support for him in secondary next year. It's never clear cut, is it?

For maths, is he finding the wordy questions are a problem? He's probably got really good basic skills but the wordy problems can confuse NT kids, let alone those with ASD. They just need lots of practise with those sorts of questions. Eg John has 15 biscuits which he shares equally between himself and 3 other friends. How many do they each get and how many are left over. That's really wordy and takes some practise to realise it just means 15 / 4 = 3 r 3. It may be that his confidence in his good maths ability has been knocked a bit by the way questions are worded. It's ironic that they are trying to make the dry maths more real for children, by using real life examples, but DC with ASD prefer the numbers!

His school sounds really supportive and it will make sure he reaches his potential by being flexible enough to tailor his learning to his needs.

Agnesdipesto Sun 10-Jul-11 22:39:52

Have you ever actually read a SATS paper? I saw some examples of my 7 year olds and I was surprised how hard they were esp the english comprehension one.
I know where you are coming from DS3 (ASD) starts school this year and DS1 and DS2 always done really really well without trying. Milestones are hard when yours is the kid who doesn't meet them.
But even a level 3-4 is a basic competent grasp of english and maths for functioning in the real world and there are many many adults out there who could not sit down and do those tests but who are living happy lives and holding down jobs.
Maybe not the job you would wish for, but they can get by.
The important thing I think is to find something they can turn into a job and concentrate on that. Just being happy and independent and not be ripped off.
Also remember ASD means he was delayed eg in speech so it would only make sense for him to hit the markers a year or so later - it doesn't mean he won't hit them, but maybe not at the age expected.
I know several parents who say their kids are ready to do GCSEs at 19 not 16 but by then the LA want them out of school and off a statement so don't want to pay for extra years of education, when it makes perfect sense from where they started that it would take them longer to get there.

richtealover Sun 10-Jul-11 23:08:28

Hi i'm new to this site.My daughter is 11 she goes to secondary school in september...........she struggels to read and cannot write independenly ,she has never done ..... sat's............At home i let her choose her books ,sometimes she will read or we read together depends how tired she is.the most important thing is ,that they feel acheivment at there level and keep moving on those stepping stones .kids with asd or other needs have such a hard time in mainstream school............... and mums feel pressure ,i did for my daughter to acheive is school home is home smile

Ben10isthespawnofthedevil Mon 11-Jul-11 06:55:03

Welcome Richtealover

drivemecrazy63 Mon 11-Jul-11 17:30:26

welcome richhtea smile
No stop it EllenJaneisnotmyname you didnt upset me its just the realisation that I had just seen his results that day im very happy your dcs doing well , I wouldnt begrudge anyone celebrating their dcs achievements its brilliant to hear happy outcomes please everyone dont stop the happy stories boy do we ever need more of those.
Ds did do his first sats in year 4 before that he couldnt read very well or write hardly at all it was completely illegable and they didnt let him even try so in two years he has come far , then ive two other dcs who at that age (11) were above average with level 5 highs so obviously its not right to compare ds is a completely different person who also has asd and dyspraxia so there is no comparing , but then you realise how far behind peers he is and you cant help worry but I do realise he will improve but just be a few steps behind, still sometimes I need to get used to that idea. they did say as he is a bit more than some at SS more academic that they will hopefully be able later to send him to secondary for certain subjects , I do hope so but I wont push it unless he learns how to cope with emotions better first.

EllenJaneisnotmyname Mon 11-Jul-11 17:48:01

Thank you, drive. It's nice to share success on here but it's a tricky path to tread sometimes. I'm so glad your DS's school is working out so well for him. The most important thing is that they are reasonably happy, and remember a happy childhood. Stuff the academic side of it! Having DS2 has taught me that if nothing else. I think if I hadn't had DS2 I would have been one of those bloody awful competitive mums at the school gate, so another thing he's saved me from! grin (I think a bit of that person slipped out on Friday.)

drivemecrazy63 Mon 11-Jul-11 19:50:53

be proud of the BIG and small acomplishments , ill be like that if when my eldest gets good enough grades for uni he wants to do a history or law degree, there will be no stopping me showing off grin i dont know where he gets his brains from but it sure isnt me im a dippy blonde .
and ill be like it with dd and with my ds3 if he does any gcses ill be the proudest mummy in the world ill deffinately be on MN shouting about it too smile

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