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I have a meeting with.........

(12 Posts)
devientenigma Wed 06-Jul-11 23:52:52

ds new teacher for September at the special school he is registered at. He has a home tutor and has been signed off school due to problems that his ss don't really want to acknowledge. What do you think I should be saying or asking in the meeting??

devientenigma Thu 07-Jul-11 09:00:06


TheNinjaGooseIsOnAMission Thu 07-Jul-11 09:18:31

what do you want out of the meeting devient, you sound like you've had enough of them, can't blame you? What are they going to do differently in september that they can't do/haven't done now, do they still feel the school can meet his needs? What do you want the teacher to do to get him back into school?

zzzzz Thu 07-Jul-11 09:38:13

Devient, I don't know your set up, but if you are going to do it I would sit down and write down what you think needs to be in place, then what is in place and talk about the difference.

It sounds from your post that you don't think this is going to work. Do you want him at this school? Do you think they CAN teach him? Do you think they WILL? How old is he? How long does he have left at school? Are there other options? How is home schooling going?

Sorry not much help. Why don't the ss want to acknowledge the issues he has?

IndigoBell Thu 07-Jul-11 09:54:55

From what I remember your top problem right now is that he is a school refuser?

Then that's what you should talk about.

What will they do if he refuses to come to school?

What will they do to make school a place he doesn't refuse to go to?

It's a SS. They should have some ideas - but also they don't know your child yet, so they shouldn't have made any firm decisions..........

Starchart Thu 07-Jul-11 10:30:25

How are they going to make him WANT to come to school, is really the one and only question you need to ask right now.

Where is the meeting? I'd suggest that you had it, or at least one, in his current educational setting (i.e. your home). That shows a willingness on their part to meet you half way.

devientenigma Thu 07-Jul-11 10:37:13

Thanks everyone, trouble is Indigo, they should know him, he's been there for 5 year. It's only the past year where he's been too strong and heavy to be man handled literally into going. Which is why he hasn't been.
However in answer to some q's:
Yes they still feel the school meets his needs.
I don't know what I want from the school, apart from acknowledgement of some of his issues tbh.
In a way I don't want him at the school, though I have only just come to this conclusion. Looking at the crap we have had for the last 5 year it proves to me they don't want to know.
I don't think they can teach him, however they say they will, but it's cagey and they are not honest about everything.
He's 10.
He has another 9 year left at this school.
Other options, there is a more suitable school, however it's independant and it's proving this school meets his needs more especially in the current financila climate and it costing more money.
Home tutor is going well, however it's only 30 mins 4 days per week.
Hth and thanks again.

IndigoBell Thu 07-Jul-11 10:44:32

Would you rather stick with the home tutor?

Or rather HE? (I know you get very isolated, make sure you factor yourself into the equation not just your DS)

Is there any other LEA school which you think might work?

I don't know how you campaign for the LEA to fund an indep school, but others on here have somehow done so.......

zzzzz Thu 07-Jul-11 13:56:14

If he has been at school for 5 years and the reason he isn't is that you can no longer physically force him to go, I think you are saying he hates it and it is rubbish. If the Home tutor is working and he is learning and happy why would you do anything different? What I'm trying to say is what is it that school will add to his life? I home educate 1.5 of my children this term and it is hard work so I know you may be flagging but what about some other options.
Start always with what you would do in a dream situation. Work out what the compromises are in each situation that is available and see where you are. I think I would want to look into home educating. What about PGCE students to give him a few more hours contact?. They might even do it for experience though more likely for min wage.

Keep in mind that not coping in school does not mean you will not cope with life. Be brave and try to think clearly about what he needs to equip him for life, not how he needs to fit in with institutions.

I have had a horrible day and am feeling really low, and that is only because I met a TA from ds's old school and she drained the joy out of me. If it doesn't work it doesn't, If you can find a way to be happy then do it.

AllieZ Thu 07-Jul-11 16:00:35

If he has been allowed to stay at home for a year instead of going to school, and he prefers it (which many SEN/ASD kids do, and many NT kids would also jump at the possibility of not having to go to school) it will be very difficult to get him to return to the habit. I understand that he might be too big physically to be made to go but I think there is a wide array of privileges that can be linked to going to school from food (= sweets, special foods and drinks) to tv/computer/game console time and programmes like going swimming.

If the Home tutor is working and he is learning and happy why would you do anything different?
Maybe to have him somewhere else for a bit so she can have a life, time for herself, time for things like going to the bank - or maybe even have a job?

what is it that school will add to his life?
Socialising in bigger groups with a wide variety of children and adults? Accessing resources no parent can provide at home (e.g. arts and crafts, musical instruments, educational software)? Participating in 5 lkessons a day planned, prepared and assessed by professionals? Among other things...

zzzzz Thu 07-Jul-11 18:46:46

AllieZ,, I think what you say has some merit if you were discussing the pros and cons of home ed etc... What I meant is not what any child gets from being at school/parent gets from having them educated outside the home, but what this particular child will gain from school.

School can be great but it isn't the only place to learn and there are many of us on this board who long to have a job,time for themselves [though frankly the not havign a life concept just because you home school is offensive and sad]. When your child is not average so is your parenting and a thoughtful thinking parent weighs up all options. If I was about to go in to school to discuss what my son was doing next year I would be thinking through all of these things.

Funnily enough Arts Crafts, music and educational software are relatively easy to cover out of school....some stuff isn't so easy.

zzzzz Thu 07-Jul-11 18:47:29

sorry forgot the spell check......way too tired today!

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