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Birthday Party Question.

(17 Posts)
Babieseverywhere Wed 06-Jul-11 21:09:57

My DD1 is 4 years old and I have just learnt, is friends with an older girl in year 5 (9 or 10 year old). I was a bit surprised when I got the birthday invite because of the age gap. When I rang up the mother to accept the invite, the mother mentioned her daughter has autism and prefers to play with younger children and hence my invite. So we will be at the friends birthday party at the weekend.

Here is my question, my DD1 wants to invite her friend to her birthday party next month, would I cause offence to the mother by asking her 10 year old daughter to attend a party full of 4/5 year olds ? Assuming she wanted to come, can I ask the mother if she be staying with her daughter OR if she was bringing and leaving, would I be rude if I checked what help her daughter needs (if any) ?

TIA

WhoWhoWhoWho Wed 06-Jul-11 21:14:57

My neice has just attended a birthday party as the eldest by a huge age gap, I think it's nice. smile

I'm sure the mum would be really pleased to receive an invite for her DD. The mum will probably be happy you are thoughtful enough to consider whether or not her dd would need extra care during the party - I would just ask her from a thougthful point of view and emphasise you want her dd to enjoy your DD's party and for the mum to be comfortable.

My DS is autistic, sometimes he is fine at parties, other times we have fled mid way through after he has been caught out by something unexpected and burst into tears. blush

unpa1dcar3r Wed 06-Jul-11 21:22:12

Of course you should invite her! I bet her daughter doesn't get invited to many parties.
I always have parties for my boys, the girls had them so why not, and we invite all sorts.
I expect the mum will stay anyway but might be worth mentioning your worries. I'm sure she'll understand.
Have a lovely time smile

holidaytime Wed 06-Jul-11 21:26:11

I would just send an invite the mother will know if her daughter would be able to cope. She would tell you anything you need to know when she phones up to accept. My son as autism but he still managed to go to birthday parties on his own. I gave him a card with my mobile phone number on it and told him if he had a problem that he should ask one of the adults to ring me up. He felt safe knowing he could get me if he needed to. I have to say i was never phoned and people always said how well behaved he had been.

UniS Wed 06-Jul-11 21:58:02

depending on the child, having one bigger kid at a little kid party can be fine, the littles tend to assume the big kid is there to "help" and enjoy having a big kid joining in games etc.
DS invited a 9 year old girl to his 5th birthday party, she tends to mother him at the park and he likes her. I gave the girls mother a heads up in advance and asked if she thought her daughter would mind being invited to a younger kids party.

Babieseverywhere Wed 06-Jul-11 22:12:14

Thanks for all the advice.

I might mention DD1's party invite, if I get chance to have a chat with her mother at the weekend. If not I'll just send an invite via school and see what the mother says in reply.

Our party is at the school both girls go to IYSWIM, so a familiar and secure location for all the children....I hope ! This is our first proper birthday party and I think I am panicking a bit about the thought of 30 x 5 year olds running around filled with sugar. It will be fun smile

unpa1dcar3r Thu 07-Jul-11 08:57:29

Hi Babies,
I've done a few at the boys school; so much better! Did a disco couple of yrs back- even got a DJ who does SEN! And the whole school of 60 something kids went. It was ace. The kids had a ball.
Did a magic show once too which they all went to, that too was excellent.
Generally do a little tea party in their class too. They love it.
Plenty of staff, no parents who need to worry, and a bit of independence for the kids.
Have also taken 8 of them to the cinema and MacD's after. All good fun! Esp as my son and his mate have tourettes! No parents except us of course and the kids loved it.
You'll have a great time, don't worry!

utah Thu 07-Jul-11 09:10:07

It might be nice to give the invite to the mum and not the child, just so the mum is then in control if she believes she will cope, if she tells her closer to the time to stop excitement and anxiety build up. It is lovely as a mum of a child with SN to recieve kindness from a mum who has not. Sometimes it just feels a bit like them and you.

zzzzz Thu 07-Jul-11 09:56:18

Send the invite, when Mum if the Mum calls to say yes then just say "You are welcome to stay with her if you would like to, but otherwise just tell me if there is anything extra she needs help with".

Kids are kids, the sn thing is often only an issue for us!

Tiggles Thu 07-Jul-11 10:45:58

I think it would be great to send an invite. DS is now 9 and has only just got the idea behind party games, this year he was wanting to play pass the parcel etc at his party and all his friends his age now think they are too old to do things like that. So developmentally he would do great at a smaller persons party! I know DS would have no problem being invited to a party where all the other kids were younger - he probably wouldn't even notice.

drivemecrazy63 Thu 07-Jul-11 13:29:50

no of course its not rude to ask its just lovely getting the invites ask does she want to stay as you know her dc might need her to say its up to you or dont worry drop her off and go get some respite, my ds is about 4 years behind his peers (asd) so he to at 11 still loves all those games so she will probably be fine with it ask the mum and if not tell her you could ask her to help organise the LOs with you perhaps she will love some responsibility i know given a job to do on these occasions my ds really shines and steps up a bit

Babieseverywhere Thu 07-Jul-11 17:58:52

Thanks againsmile

Particular thanks to Zzzzz, for suggested wording to use.

Eveiebaby Thu 07-Jul-11 20:36:19

I'm sure the mother will be pleased to receive an invite for her DD and she will almost certainly tell you if she needs to stay with her DD for the party or if her DD needs anything extra. However, if she doesn't just ask! - I'm sure she will not mind - it shows that you are being thoughtful towards her DD.
I hope both parties go well smile

hannahsmummsy Sat 09-Jul-11 00:13:00

im an adult with asd , when i was a kid I loved to be invited to parties , but I was often quite happy just to sit and watch the other children playing games , get my food and party bag and genraly have been invited in the first place . so dont worry if she chooses not to join in with every thing that she isnt having a good time xxx

EllenJaneisnotmyname Sat 09-Jul-11 00:19:36

Gosh, hannahsmummsy, that sounds just like my DS. Unfortunately, everyone assumes he's not enjoying it and doesn't invite him again. sad

hannahsmummsy Sat 09-Jul-11 00:29:31

I know I loved obseving other kids , as a teenager going to school disco and just drinking cola and listerning to others conversation , its how we aspies learn xxx

Babieseverywhere Wed 13-Jul-11 13:14:16

Party went well, DD1 and her friend enjoyed themselves.

Sent all the invites out for DD1's party including new friend, will await replies smile

Thanks for all the posts smile

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