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ASD Can I halp dd learn to control her temper?(4 Posts)
we are in a distructive pattern. (dd has ASD and some sensory stuff and is 5 in a couple of weeks)
we are having a nice time playing when something happens dd doesn't like (eg going down a snake at snakes and ladders... or me saying it's tea time in 5 mins.) so she get cross and shouts/pulls a face/turns round and pulls her pants down at me. or sometimes all 3. and it's usually at what to most people is trivial stuff.
I was ignoring this behaviour but it was getting worse by the day and the pulling the pants down when ever I said something she didn't like was the last straw.
So I'm trying to teach her how to control her anger without doing something unacceptable. but I'm failing miserably. because I don't really know what to teach her to do. she is too angry to count to herself. my mum told her to stamp her feet when she feels like that but I hate it and I can't put up with it so I've been inadvertantly punishing her for doing what her grandma was telling her to do...
and punishing her for being anrgy is just making her more angry. so every little thing is turning into a major barney. she is losing her favourite toy almost every day and she just doesn't seem to get it that tantruming because I ask her to wait 5 minutes to watch the TV = no TV that day. or hitting me because she's ignored a clear warning and has lost a toy for the day means she will lose 2 toys!
I'm consistent. I'm sure I am. and I've been trying for weeks. but I'm making no progress.
I have 5 children 2 with sn, one sli and one epilepsy whose drugs made her rage like a mad thing....I have been there. What I do is this,
We say "oh no you've got the "crossities"", basically that means you are in a foul temper and have lost control/are behaving unreasonably, but the key is we act as though it is some sort of hideous disease that has just struck the offender without warning. We have lots of ways of curing the crossities, for instance for ds eating raisins helps, as does washing his hands or going to the loo, for dd things are more extreme and sometimes her crossities need to suck an ice cube or sit on the stairs and go all the way up on her bum and all the way down, sometimes a plaster or a small face drawn on her with biro.....the point is all these things take time, they allow the child to cure themselves and critically they are not to blame and the attention is on finding a "cure" not you getting angry and saying stop it.
In my opinion pulling your pants down is a sure way to make the crossities far far worse and rather than saying stop it I would go with "careful darling careful those crossities will get really bad and you won't be able to stop for ages!!! Poor you, it's so horrid poor poor you"
I know it sounds mad but honestly it takes the sting out of it from both sides.
On another note she will find it altogether easier if she gets physically really tired occasionally, we have found trampolines and swimming and they have been a real help at reducing the level of stress in my little ones.
she maybe in the circle of you are upseting me so I am going to do something that upset you i.e. pull pants down. the more you react the more she will do it. If you can try to ignore it even more and I know that is easier said than done. I would also go for a sensory stress ball or another fiddle style toy it will have the same effect as stamping her feet without the unpleasantness and can also be used in school and while out. I have a childs swivel chair from ikea that my son sits in and spins to control frustration. If all else fails a pair of dungarees for a couple of weeks just to break the habit.
I love the idea of the Crossities I think we may well get them at our house too. (Have no problems with sounding a little mad )
but it's when she's tired that we have the most problems, she gets to the point where all she can do is scream and lash out.
we are definitely in a cycle. Actually we seem to bounce from one cycle to another, as soon as I get one behaviour pattern under control she finds a new one.
I have a fiddle toy for her but she drives me mad by pulling it when she's close to me and hitting me (usually in the eye) when it snaps apart. it's missing at the moment and I'm not looking hard for it.... a stress ball might be more theraputic when she's cross. I'll try that too (as a cure for Crossities )
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