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Happened again, another awful public reaction. Anyone put up with this?

(24 Posts)
mumoftwolittlerugrats Mon 04-Jul-11 09:08:26

Okay, so, like I said in another thread, DS is screaming constantly these passed few weeks, seemingly in anger, very often.

I went to the garage, put some fuel in, locked the car up with DSs inside, and went in to the shop topay (where I can absolutely see DS and he's perfectly safe).
Some woman basically runs up to me as I'm in the queue where there's in a decent sized audience, and goes 'is that your child?' I said yes, she goes (in an outraged voice) 'He's screaming'. I said yes I know, he's locked in, it's okay.
She looked at me in disgust and stormed off.


Just like the time some guy shouting at me that I should be ashamed of myself, for 'allowing' DS to lay there in the middle of the street.

It's such a nightmare sad

Anyone else have to deal with how people are in public?

lisad123 Mon 04-Jul-11 09:13:12

yes, I smile and say, something like, better than growing up a spoilt brat grin
just dont worry about it, you will grow a thicker skin soon enough. Smile and ask if they would rather deal with him?

purplepidjin Mon 04-Jul-11 09:16:25

As Lisa said, thick skin. Better your child grows up cared for than ignorant fat and ugly like the person criticising you

SuburbanDream Mon 04-Jul-11 12:23:44

sad Other people can be so quick to pass comment without knowing what they are talking about!!

DS2 has Aspergers and can sometimes have extreme reactions - I've got some cards from NAS which explain his condition. If you are a wimp like me and don't have the energy or nerve to answer back, it can be quite satisfying to "card" anyone who is less than sympathetic!!

Otherwise, if it is just a random person I try not to waste my breath on them, as I'll probably never have the misfortune to see them again.

farming4 Mon 04-Jul-11 12:50:23

If its any help I've had this outside our local village shop with my (nt) dd. She's forever taking her shoes off and I said if she took them off again she wouldn't be allowed to come into the shop. Needless to say when we got to the shop, the shoes were off and I left her locked in the car - right outside the door where I could see her. Lady was very annoyed and said "do you think its good for her to be screaming like that". I'm afraid my reaction was "Tough, she was warned and she still took her shoes off so now she learns the consequences and if she wants to throw a strop thats up to her!" Lady looked at me as if I was something stuck to her shoe grin

I guess what I'm trying to say its not only the children with dxs or challenges that get these reactions. All you can do is as previous posters have said, is smile sweetly and grow a thick skin.

zzzzz Mon 04-Jul-11 14:22:43

I once left ds screaming in the car while I went to the other side of the car park to collect dd.....another Mum came to tell me he was crying, I said I knew and that he would be fine but thank you....she said "Well if you don't care" in front of everyone and walked off.
I did care I was holding his 24 month old twin and 6 months pregnant with a 4 year old at heel waiting for their big sister on the skinniest and stupidest bit of pavement any school anywhere has deemed a good pick up point. What was I supposed to do???

I hope it was obvious to everyone what the set up was, but did cry once we were all home.

Do what is safe. Do what is sensible. Do what will help them learn a better way......but don't hold your breath for understanding, because frankly there lis very little out there.

davidsotherhalf Mon 04-Jul-11 16:38:21

i had a policeman threaten me he told me he could lock me up for child abuse, i had 4dc with me and my ds decided to have a meltdown in the middle of the road so i had to try and carry him off the road while keeping the other 3dc safe,i was told i must of done something to make my son scream, don't think the officer liked it when i said yes please lock me up i need a break,

drivemecrazy63 Mon 04-Jul-11 17:41:36

ive had similar im getting thick skinned about it now, I say abruptly hes autistic actually whats your dcs excuse and generally they stfu go away. if they have not got a dc with them I say would you like to take a picture with a big grin but mostly I ignore and pretend like nothings happening you know just smile through it and ive found stratagies now after many years of how to stop the meltdowns but even though he now while out with me anyway has them rarely (still has them at home when playing and getting frustrated mostly) he still at nearly 12 had one in a shop the other day did see it comming but was nothing I could do he couldnt find a particular toy he wanted we had been to 5 shops no one had it sad but i just ignored the stares and tuts and stepped over him , saying common lets go to the next shop and see he gets scared when were out about losing me so as i went up the next isle he got up and ran after me and i just hugged him and didnt say anything at all

unpa1dcar3r Mon 04-Jul-11 18:22:56

Had a copper once tell me I was abusing my girls and didn't deserve children as I'd left them locked in the car asleep while I nipped into the post office. I could see them the whole time. They're not disabled, they were just asleep and it was easier than finding somewher eoff street to park and waking them for a 2 minute thing.
He lookedwas only about 12 though so i told him to get a grip!

Calally Mon 04-Jul-11 19:03:11

the thick skin will come. i usually switch off, and ignore. ds is going through a stage of saying no to everything. so when we do go to the shop ( usually just the local 1 ) and i ask does he want to come in, he says no. used to try and take him out ( dont even bother now ) so i'd go and leave him there. and as soon as i walked away he'd be screaming, and crying. on 1 occassion, before i got a seatbelt cover, he undid himself from the car seat, and was beeping the horn, playing with everything, with the window down shouting at me. had a few comments the 1st couple of times, how could i leave him, what did i think i was doing etc. now people know us, and no what ds is like, so they understand, some will even stand by the car window and talk to him. some people just have nothing better to do, and think that everybodys business is there business, and that they have some god given right to comment. im sure we'd all rather have our kids, than some of the brats running about.

Starchart Mon 04-Jul-11 21:58:01

Cross your eyes, stick out your tongue, look really exhausted and then hand them a pre-made business card with your social worker's direct line on it and inform the complainant that you have begged this person for respite but been refused.

unpa1dcar3r Tue 05-Jul-11 08:18:34

Love it Star, what a great idea.

lottiejenkins Tue 05-Jul-11 08:29:20

I took my ds shopping to my local supermarket last year (staff are very good with him) He came running up to me shouting and flapping his arms.
An old lady looked at Wilf like he had the plague and said to her husband "come along dear" and moved him away from Wilf. I looked at her and said "My son is quite nice actually, and if you take the time and trouble to find out HE WONT HURT YOU!!" I stormed off one way and the lady and husband went the other. Fast forward fifteen mins and i was unpacking at the checkout. The same old lady started unpacking behind me, she then realised it was me and moved all her shopping to the next conveor belt!! grin

wasuup3000 Tue 05-Jul-11 12:02:39

Hmmm 7 year old with ASD repeating himself at the till like theres no tomorrow - a woman starts staring over in a "why don't you tell your kid to be quiet" kind of fashion. His 4 year old brother goes up to her and pats her on her tummy and says "why are you so fat"?
Basically it's their problem let them rant, rave and stare - or I can lend you my 4 year old?

unpa1dcar3r Tue 05-Jul-11 12:06:27

I've had peole tell my kids to shut up when they're a-wooping an a-flapping. Youngest especially when he's excited he growls like a motorbike. Eldest woops, jumps up n down and flaps...

One old lady said in the sea world once "Oh for goodness sake will you be quiet". Hubby N I burst out laughing and said "Good luck with that one love"
She looked like she was sucking a lemon. Then I said they are special needs and her attitude changed in a flash, trying to be overly nice to them.
But it didn't make any odds to me, just cos they're SEN. She should've kept her wrinkly old gob shut to start with.

pramsgalore4 Tue 05-Jul-11 13:00:38

you need really thick skin, master the dirty look and be prepared to answer back when confronted with someone who thinks they know best, i get the most looks at school from other parents sad and they know about ds, i just smile when their kids are playing up, sod them. They want to spend a day in my life then see how they would cope, i have to let alot of what ds does go over my head, if hes not in danger or hurting anyone then he can spin round and scream and shout because i know that it will make him worse if i stop him. He will scream for no reason at all, shouts things out, out of the blue refuses to walk, runs off. last year on the way home from the beach he spent his time shouting out "hello ladies" not that bad you think well he then changed it to "hello boobies" not so great and the more i told him to be quite the louder he got, he now sings things really loud like "who let the dogs out" amoung others, i just ingnore the looks, will throw dirty looks, or will say something if they go to far, theres nothing i can do, i do my best and to be honest i would rather he be on the pushchair singing or shouting than running off,a good sense of humour is always good grin

lottiejenkins Tue 05-Jul-11 13:19:08

My lovely friend has a son of six with sen. She has a Major Buggy for him and was in the supermarket with him in the buggy when a man came up to her and told her that her son's legs looked ok. She replied that his legs were fine but once he started running she couldnt catch him and did the old man want to try?? wink

zzzzz Tue 05-Jul-11 14:27:09

Prams we had "who let the dogs out" too! "Hello Boobies", sound like a nightmare [I have very straight parents/family], but hey it must get a giggle occasionally. Ds is talking much better now and we don't get so many echolalia type stuff any more. Sometimes I miss it, which I know is just weird. I do have a more nt dd [4] who is prone to breaking into "God save the Queen" after school taught it to them for the royal wedding. grin

asdx2 Tue 05-Jul-11 14:38:54

I had an old dear tap me on the shoulder to tell me ds was screaming. I was a foot away with my back turned waiting for him to scream it out because any interaction from me would only have exacerbated the screaming. I gave her a withering look and said in a loud voice to be heard over the screaming "I know do you think I am deaf as well as stupid?"

saladsandwich Tue 05-Jul-11 15:07:39

i take my ds to the local childrens centre cafe because he is abit full on and screams high pitched alot, he is known for it and generally feel comfortable there. there is a woman who works on reception and she is constantly telling me to stop him screaming and running up towards the office and playgroup room. he isn't doing any harm and i am always 2 steps behind him, he is never left unattended.

today there was a big meeting on at the centre and she actually came over to my table to tell me to stop him screaming.... i wish i could stop him but i can't she'd already told me off for him escaping from his seat.. don't know what she expects me to do, ended up taking ds into the nursery 10minutes early and waiting in the corridor, but its a childrens centre grrrrr it's made me mad xx

pramsgalore4 Tue 05-Jul-11 16:37:46

zzzzz i do have a good sense of humour, my mum is very straight and does not find anything funny, but i do i have to grin. i have to say some people do giggle as they walk past and others just stare blush but he is so sweet looking smile

unpa1dcar3r Tue 05-Jul-11 18:54:03

Youngest used to say 'fat' to everyone he met, like 'Hello fat dog' to any passing dogs. Once he said to my mate 'hello fat Bxxx and she replied 'oh well at least there's nowt wrong with his eyesight! grin

asdx2 Tue 05-Jul-11 19:33:46

unpa1d ds does that now grin it's like a compulsion he sees what he perceives to be a fat person and says "you're fat" blush Not very endearing when he's 16 but I haven't been able to stop him.It seems to have replaced the bald fixation which used to make me cringe grin as he pointed out every man with a receding hairline.

unpa1dcar3r Tue 05-Jul-11 21:15:59

Lol asdx2 Makes a nice change though sometimes for our kids to comment on others eh!
get enough people ready to comment on them and tell us where we're going wrong!!! wink

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