So he is 10, and is undergoing assessment & diagnosis.
They are not sure but know that there is something going on with him.
This has been such a relief to every one around him, and it had definitely increased my empathy and understanding.
He is almost OCD about things.
He cannot tolerate mess or dirt. We have had to move tables at restraunts before now as he has become very distressed. (although this i think is a normal reaction in a restraunt when the table is mucky)
He has not just frightened, he has utter utter terror at dogs. It is very upsetting to see him so very distressed when we are out.
He is intolerant of large groups of people, he cannot cope with changes in routine. His behaviour is at times very difficult to deal with, he has an agressive streak and at the same time, cannot recognise when he is overly rough causing actual pain to other kids.
He is fun, sweet, lights up the room and very very loving.
WE have a family holiday planned with him and his family soon, and i want to understand how we can fit into his world, understand and most of all help him by not putting our foot in it, being insensitive and we want to be supportive so that we all enjoy our holiday. We are very much looking forward to going away as we have been friends for ever, but we have no experience with sn children.
He is not aware of any of this, so his mum does not talk about it around him, so its not easy to ask stuff.
Think we may get together before the holiday without the kids so that we can talk properly, but would appreciate tips and advice from any one who has experience.
TIA x
Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.
SN children
Could some one talk/advise/help me to better understand my DGS with ?asphergers.
faintpositive · 03/07/2011 20:17
If DGS is dear grandson, then well done for being such a caring grandma/nanny for asking for advice 
Agree with everything holidaytime says, my son age 6 sounds exactly like your grandson.
The problems i encounter with holidays are that there is more socialising and its hard to keep the outbursts under control when my son cant cope. We spend all our holidays at a caravan park where my parents have a holiday home and this year (Easter and Mayday) ive found my sons behaviour has been worse. He is fine with 2 children but any more and he just cannot cope, the bossiness and controlling behaviour gets worse and because hes so sensitive any little comment from another child can start the anxiety off and if i dont intervene and distract him it ends up with a total meltdown, screaming, shouting, lashing out. When we go in 2 weeks time, ive decided to take the laptop with those dongle things to get the internet and if i hear/see him getting anxious im going to pull him in the mobilehome and let him chill out on the laptop games for half hour. Ive also thought I will have to try and get him off the site more, which is a shame as the kids play all day long, but I thought if i take him for a walk/play/outing then he will only spend a few hours with the kids and hopefully be more relaxed.
Its very hard because you never really relax properly, I always have an ear out for the signs of his anxiety looming. I dont know what sort of holiday you are doing, but perhaps if he can tell you when he feels anxious and then he can be taken to a quite place to chill out. The autistic society has mentioned starting a number or traffic light system for my son. I dont really understand all of it, but she said i could ask him when hes calm what number he feels hes on at that time, say no. 1 for calm and then explain that no.2 would be getting a bit anxious and so on, till you reach no. 4 which is about to blow and no.5 is too late and its time to remove him from the situation all together. Im going to try this for our holiday in a few weeks, i dont know if he will understand or not but will try as the last holiday was a nightmare.
Good Luck.xx
Don't worry too much - the biggest piece of advice I can offer is to know when step back when DGS's Mum needs deal with DGS behaviour and offer her a big hug/ 
/ 
when she's done!!!
If you actually want to understand AS better, I can really recommend reading "the curious incident of the dog at midnight". it's an easy (if sometimes uncomfortable) read and really talks about the way someone with AS thinks. It's an absolutely superb book!!! Else have a look at the National Autistic Society Website as their explanations are really helpful
Second being aware of any interventions in place (makaton, signing, symbols, traffic lights etc.) although you may still be to early in the process for there to be much help yet.
Don't be upset if sometimes DGS doesn't acknowledge you or seems to ignore you, it might just be he's at a point when he needs his down time.
Your comments about DGS having an aggressive streak but also lighting up a room are lovely btw and remind me of my own little DS with ASD!!!
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GS= God son, not grandson sorry.
I read the curios incident a few years ago, great book.
No formal diagnosis yet, diagnosed with addhd, however they are reviewing this now due to his obsessive tendancies and other things.
He has had the most awful time getting to this point, if i told you, you wouldnt believe....well maybe you would if this journey is the norm 
for these kids.
Pushing a pea uphill doesnt come close.
Thanks for your links, very helpful.
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