Really tired and upset now

[Frustrated2003]

Well it has been an eventful four weeks so far. My son is autistic and deaf, Children Services received an anonymouse referral to advise that he had been left unattended over night whilst I went out drinking. Completley false I hasten to add, you cant leave my son for 5 minutes you wouldnt know what destruction you woudl face upon return. Due to this Children Services have opened a s47 investigation, they also sacked me from my job within the Local Authority as an agency social worker, they said the seed of doubt had been sown and so they felt they had no choice but to cancel my employment with them. Since this Children Services have now decided to take to child protection conference because they have no proof either way if the allegation is true or not and due to my sons increased vulnerability it has to be a child protection conference. Am also being investigated by my governing body because of the allegation.

This is the same authority whom I am trying to get a decent education for my son from and have a tribunal booked for December due to their inadequate provision to date, and the same authority that I have complained about to the ombudsman due to unethical practice from Children with Disabilities team and the manager of SEN team they left a paper trail.

They say there main concerns for child protection are his education and my not engaging with education to resolve the matter as well as the allegation, but hey ho.

My son is not in school has not been since early April due to being excluded he was in an EBD provision and they couldnt cope, home tuition starts on monday and the teacher told me on the phone he has no experience of Autism and is a secondary school teacher my son is 8 so thats gonna be a lot of help.

Local Authority refuse to accept the diagnosis of ASD as they say it was a private diagnosis, and not one they can use, has to be NHS, more delaying tactics if you ask me, I have asked them to do there own assessment and got told it will take at least 2 years due to waiting list and his age. So his statement does not acknowledge ASD it states it behaviour only, but learns in a manner compatiable with a child that has ASD.

My son is now at a point whereby he is very physically aggressive towards me, he grabbed me around the throat the other day and squeezed had to try and take his fingers away, but he was so angry and I only wanted him to eat his dinner. This was mild in comparison to some other stuff he does, social worker told me that I need to go on a challenging behaviour course, when I questioned about support to manage his anxieties which in my view will be the route cause of his behaviour and will reduce with good support for him and more technique management for myself, social stories dont seem to be working at present. His life is worked out on timelines and routines, and is never ending.

One thing that is overiding my concerns at the moment is that he will not leave the house at present, he told me its safer indoors, at 8 he wants to be a recluse, any ideas on how to tackle this would be greatly appreciated.

Im really tired and have no support, lost my job, my integrity is being questioned and my son has no one but me, his father isnt interested he says its my fault my son has his needs.

To be fair I dont know what I am asking but I am really tired and grumpy, sorry to whine so much.

[working9while5]

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. Have you got a solicitor? What support have you got around you right now?

[Frustrated2003]

I have a solicitor for his education, so that part is kinda okay, but in terms of support for myself not really, for my son there is none either, is crap to be fair and I am blooming frustrated. He is so lovely and doesnt deserve to be treated so poorly, cant believe in this country that we have a government that treat SEN kids so appallingly. still one day am sure it will improve. Thanks by the way Working

[working9while5]

It is so frustrating to be in such a powerless position, I can only imagine how you are feeling. Do you have a partner or family that you can bend the ear of? I know it doesn't change things but you are going through so much!

[EllenJaneisnotmyname]

What a horrible time you are having. I don't really have any advice but hopefully others will have. Just wanted to offer hugs. There have been instances of people being 'stalked' on MN by people in RL, so take care to keep your privacy intact. Do you have any idea who reported you?

[Starchart]

Frustrated I don't even know how to begin with replying to be honest. How absolutely awful for you.

There is one important thing I want to say that might help a little and that is that I do believe your story. I have experienced something similar although it never got to the sinister depths you describe I can see how it might.

I also know of a couple of other posters here who have some similar experiences too. And I have spoken to the SEN charities who confirm that it isn't altogether unusual to go through an experience like yours/mine.

It doesn't make what you are going through any less stressful or awful but hopefully you can feel a little less isolated. You can tell your story on here and be believed but quite frankly you are alone in RL because most people will find it difficult to believe it.

[MissKittyEliza]

This is dreadful. You need some practical and emotional support. As far as diagnosis goes, they've got you stitched up like a kipper and all the while this wee 8 yr old boy is suffering. Shameful.

Have you tried the usual ports of call? CAMHS, CAF meeting (school can organise this), Parent Partnership? It's all very well saying what they can't do for two years, but WTF are they going to do NOW? Time is moving on for this boy. His schooling is suffering; his social education is non existent.

I was in a similarly frustrating situation myself and saw my MP. To my surprise, his response was of practical use and we got the outreach service my 10 yr old needed.

The work/accusing you of ? neglect issue is something else and I'm concerned you have the emotional reserves to deal with that alone.... I was a single mum for 5 years with an ex who blamed me for our son's ASD. Your ex sounds like a complete waste of time. You and your boy sound very isolated in all of this. I feel for you.

[appropriatelytrained]

What an absolute disgrace.

You must get some legal advice on the other issues - job, allegations too. I would advise going to one of the big hitters like Levenes or Maxwelll Gillott (who do some free advising over the phone)..

You need to get someone acting for you so you can't continue to be bullied.

[MissKittyEliza]

Good advice appropriatelytrained.

Frustrated2003, do you have family/friends you can lean on? We're here, but it's not the same. Do try and take care of yourself.

[Frustrated2003]

I dont have any family as they say he shoudl just get a smack and be done with it, I wont and will not smack my son, two wrongs dont make a right and its too puntive for me when his behaviour as far as I am concerned has a communication component.

In terms of friends not really, I dont have anyone that can help or listen as we are isolated due to my sons high level of aggressions, but its okay am sure it will get better, cant get any worse.

Thanks for your support it is really appreciated. I cant beleive that parents can be penalised for trying to advocate to get their children the right support.

Anyway as I said thank you very much

[signandsmile]

just a thought, are you a BASW member? could be supportive about the job stuff, can they sack you? my understanding is they would suspend, subject to investigation... but i thought should be paid suspension ??

good luck!

[unpa1dcar3r]

OMG this is bloody awful
Too many coincedences for my liking; you complaining and all of a sudden apparently some secret person has complained about you leaving your son? Hmmmm
Not trying to undermine your good character by any chance are they?!!!!

Get your solicitor on board regarding these allegations, they are bullying you into shutting up and putting up.
They can't just sack you with no proof, they may suspend you pending further investigations but not sack you.

You poor thing, i bet you're knackered and emotionally drained with it all. How
dare they treat you and your son like this. They need reminding of their code of ethics and good practice. Take it further, get an independent social worker (your sol should sort this out) and get a proper assessment of need etc.

I'm furious for you!

[lisad123]

thats terrible. I would strongly suggest a lawyer for the CP conference, as its a legal contract. Its not the first time I have heard of LA causing more problems when you try and fight education system.
Now you need to ask to see SW report before the CP conference and then prepare answers to all her alligations or questions.
I have 2 girls with Autism and one who is 8years old has started to refuse to leave the house. We quickly nipped it in the bud, had a long frank discussion about worries and what to do with them. We also found 2 activities she chose to do, and set about doing those.

Which LA are you under, maybe someone here can recommend a good proffesional at LA.

[MissKittyEliza]

My son had dx of autism aged 4yrs. Then last year, aged 10 , OCD was added. He became very reclusive as it was just too anxiety provoking to leave the house. The more we pushed him, the more anxious he became. I had to put it to my ex that ds was ill. Not lazy, not pulling a fast one but ill. He eventually developed Tourettes style verbal mantra - style tics. Now, on meds he is a little better but he is still anxiety ridden and self harms because he is "bad and must be punished" (self-harming).

Take advice. CAMHS should be involved. You can't do this alone.

[BakeliteBelle]

I have had a really frightening experience with social services recently and it really is your word against theirs. Their heads are full of Baby P and the sort of manipulative, personality disordered parents who make assessing a situation really nightmarish for them. Their heads also seem to be full of historical distrust of parents.

I really don't know what you do, but it does sound like a legal matter if they have suspended you from your job. Are you in a union? Can you get legal advice? Can you get someone to take independent minutes and attend meetings with you to make sure there are witnesses? Is someone on your side?

[AllieZ]

Please get legal advice fast. You losing your job over allegations and rumours sounds absolutely phoney - take them to a tribunal for unfair dismissal.

[rebl]

I'm not sure what to say that can help over a lot of your post, its way beyond anything I have any experience in. I couldn't just read and run though.

One thing that might be of help to you is you say that your son is deaf and has ASD but the ASD isn't recognised because it was a private referal and the NHS will take 2yrs. How deaf is your son? Is he severe or profound? If he is then go to your GP and get a referal to National Deaf CAMHS. They have various bases around the country. The other people who can refer (other than GP) are the family support workers from NDCS (this is how my son was refered). They are marvellous, they really are and you won't be waiting 2 years.