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ASD mood swings

(10 Posts)
clg2000 Sat 02-Jul-11 22:38:41

Hi i desperatly need some ideas on how to deal with my Lovely DD 8 who has HFA. She just so negative and opositional its getting embarrasing and im strugling how to cope with it (i never thought id say that sad )
Last night we had cricket and the manager said she had to either bat or bowl not both so she point blankly refused and stormed off in front of everyone then once back in the game kept walking off the pitch every time she missed the ball and sulking. if she asks for something and you say in a minute the answer is " well i wont have it then" shes so sulky and talking like were dirt all the time i sincerily dont think she realises how she sounds sad please tell me others are like this sad

EllenJaneisnotmyname Sat 02-Jul-11 23:50:52

That sounds a lot like my DS with ASD who is 11. He's actually getting a bit worse, I wondered if it was a pre-teen hormonal thing but your DD is a bit young for that! I just try the usual 'praise/reward the good behaviour and ignore the bad' but it doesn't work that well with my DS. Finding what would motivate her is the trick, I think. Immediate rewards or consequences work best for us, my DS isn't very good at associating saved rewards like star charts with good behaviour. But sometimes the sticker itself can be enough reward for some. Hopefully others will have some good ideas!

SuburbanDream Sun 03-Jul-11 10:14:15

I came on Mumsnet to start a thread about exactly this! DS2 (Aspergers, 7 1/2) is also v.negative, a real "glass half empty" attitude to everything. He responds negatively to any change at all, even to suggestions of things he normally likes to do. The constant shouting is beginning to really get me down. Sorry no helpful suggestions but hopefully others might have some ideas!! smile

clg2000 Sun 03-Jul-11 17:31:12

well at least im not alone smile its the constant negativity she had a strop this morning as i asked if she wanted toast and she said yes please with jam i explained we didnt have jam so she refused breakfast arrggghhh.
May try the stickers but she may be a touch old as shes very aware of being babyish although she insisted on buying 4 thomas trains at the car boot sale this morning LOL

EllenJaneisnotmyname Sun 03-Jul-11 17:49:56

It's finding that reward that your DD actually wants that's tricky. With NT DC you can just give them some positive attention, but I don't know about you, but my DS really doesn't care about that sort of thing. He wants something immediate and concrete, like PC time or <shhh> sweets or something. Stickers didn't work for him, maybe Thomas stickers?

my dd (asd) is like this at 4! I came on here looking for advice and really hoping I would hear that she would grow out of it.

Oh dear....

niminypiminy Mon 04-Jul-11 11:50:19

This sounds like DS1 too. It's not just the negativity, it's the rudeness I find so awful. And if you have to tell him off (say, for walking in the middle of the road) he'll just hand it right back to you -- the parent is the one being bad. The worst is when I get told that I have to calm down or he won't speak to me <steam comes out of ears>.

He has no idea he is being rude (though obviously if I talked like that to him he'd tell me I was rude), he just feels he is setting the matter straight <wails in despair and frustration>

Ellenjaneisnotmyname is right that finding the motivator is they key. We managed to halt a particularly bad phase of violence towards DS2 by paying DS1 not to hit him. He had £1 for every violence free day (it was during Easter break so it naturally ended as he went back to school). It sounds terrible having to pay your child not to hit his brother but by golly it worked, so in my book it was worth every penny.

But the thing is it's really hard on the hoof deal with this shit. It's ok to plan a motivational programme for something you know you are working on but it's stuff like getting them through breakfast without going off to slash your wrists.

Limited choices (toast and jam or toast and butter)? Walking away from the battle (ok no breakfast you won't starve)? Then-when (when you have had some toast and jam then you can have a sweet/turn on tv etc)

All this is so, so wearing when it's your total life...

niminypiminy Mon 04-Jul-11 11:52:37

Sorry that para is illiterate. It should read:

But the thing is it's really hard dealing with this shit on the hoof. It's ok to plan in advance a motivational programme for something you know you are working on but it's stuff like getting them through breakfast without going off to slash your wrists that's really testing.

SuburbanDream Mon 04-Jul-11 12:15:05

Great post, niminypiminy - although perhaps not v.encouraging grin I can identify with it all though. The other thing with DS2 is that he absolutely has to have the last word on everything, we would argue all day long about one ridiculous point if I didn't back down or try distraction techniques.

niminypiminy Mon 04-Jul-11 12:26:50

Oh yes, the last word, the number of times I have had to walk away practically biting bits out of the furniture in frustration.

What does all this do to our blood pressure, I wonder?

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