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any advice please?

(7 Posts)
queenoffairies Sat 02-Jul-11 18:50:06

Ok, so my DD (14) has just managed to start attending trampolining lessons again, after a gap of about three years as she was putting way too much pressure on herself. The coaches weren't exactly helping eithersad

We have now found a much more helpful club and DD does like bouncing. She has ASD and dyspraxia, so it really helps her co-ordination. The head coach is really mindful of how difficult she finds it to follow instructions, join in with other kids etc, and has been wonderful with her.

But, there is a FUN club competition next week, which DD2 (4) is doing and DD1 wants to do it too. But, she is back to putting way too much pressure on herself, and is simply falling apartsad The coach tells her it doesnt matter if she doesnt do it, if she thinks she wants to do it but then changes her mind, or simply says no now. But, I have explained to coach that that is too many choices for DD, and she is very overwhelmed. After todays session (where a new coach was working with her, and before the head coach could say anything, new coach had DD working on new moves which completely stressed DD out) DD had a major panic attack, shouting, swearing and threatening violence againsad I understand that she is wound up because she desparately wants to compete, but I am not sure that I shouldn't simply pull her out now, as I really cant cope with another week of this.

I am at an absolute loss as to what to do, and feeling very very helplesssad

She has had a lot to cope with lately, school trip which only went ahead at last minute with a lot of support provided by a specific teacher who DD has a kind of liking for. Her bedroom is being changed (bed falling apart, same as carpet etc) as now I have DLA for her, I can afford it. I think she is up to plan 55 now on how she wants it. And new school shoes, which is always a trauma.

She is having quiet time in her bedroom now, but I am scared of actually mentioning it to herblush

Marne Sat 02-Jul-11 20:52:19

Could you pull her out and buy her a trampoline for the garden (if you have space) so she can still enjoy it but in a relaxed way?

Al1son Sun 03-Jul-11 20:15:21

If it were me I would pull her out of the competition and take the backlash. Sometimes you just need to take the decision-making power away from them because the pressure does too much damage. DD1 (14) has AS and sometimes I just make decisions and tell her it's non-negotiable. She may lose it for a short time but then copes far better because it's no longer her responsibility.

queenoffairies Sun 03-Jul-11 21:28:14

Thanks guys, sorry to come back so late - been a busy weekendsad

We are going to get a trampoline for the garden, that will be in the next couple of month I think (need to get new garden gate first). But, DD does like the structure of the lessons, so I know she wouldnt want to quit.

We have decided (well, she was still umming and ahhing, getting upset etc) that she will not compete in this competition as it is proving too much for her. But, she does still want to attend - she wants to offer to help (spot next to the trampolines etc), so I have my fingers crossed that if she has a week of thinking she is not competing and therefore no stress, that maybe on the day she will feel more able to join in. She has actually competed at a higher level than this before, but has lost all her confidence. I would love her to compete in just this one competition if it means she will regain some of her self-worth.

queenoffairies Sat 16-Jul-11 19:43:19

Just thought I would provide an update. DD did attend, and even managed to do a warm upgrin We had already agreed that she wasnt going to compete - even if she thought about changing her mind once she was there, and I think this really took the pressure off her. The coach actually got the judges to score DD on just her warm up (without her knowing) - in the hope that it may help her confidence. I havent told DD this yet thoughwink

It also turns out that she was really worried about attending the presentation ceremony on the night (having to go up onto the stage to collect her medal) - so we decided that she shouldnt attend the night time do. As soon as I said that, you could see her whole body lift, and I actually got a smile. She then missed her proper lesson during the week (her choice), but has been back today, taking part in everything and even volunteering for things.

So, our current plan is that she can continue to attend weekly lessons, but, in the build up to competitions - to have a break of two or three weeks (or even more if necessary) so she can avoid all the tension. Oh, and to buy a trampoline for the gardensmile

fivegomadindorset Sat 16-Jul-11 19:47:43

Hi QOF, so pleased that things are turning out for the better, say hi to the girls from us all. DC's will be most envious about the trampoline.

queenoffairies Sat 16-Jul-11 19:51:13

Hi theresmile

How goes it with you? And say hi to your lot!

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