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holding it together while letting go :'(

(15 Posts)
CinnamonPretzel Fri 01-Jul-11 23:33:05

I'm sorry, I've tried really hard this week to be more relaxed and smile
Majority of the time its worked but following a SENCO meet at DSs new Jnrs, I've had to kick myself into my own transition.
I'm trying not to cry, I have to back off from the 1-1 contact with his current teacher and try and let him get himself out of school without my getting the daily catch-up.
It's almost like the feeling of the last day of term.. it's horrible and I don't know why I'm sooo emotional. Over all the DXs we've had and the amount of times I've wanted to cry but couldn't and now typing this I have tears rolling... [Blush] sorry sad I feel like such a dip

metimenow Fri 01-Jul-11 23:56:10

It is part of having a child with special needs one day your laughing the next your crying. I dont know what your sons dx is but I am sure things will get better.

CinnamonPretzel Sat 02-Jul-11 00:04:27

DS has HFA & ADD with a lot of sensory issues. DXd last Dec following appx 18 months review. DX was fine.. Already knew it etc
Infants current teacher, SENCO and TA have been brilliant. Suppose it's now hitting me hard that I'm losing them all for crap

Becaroooo Sat 02-Jul-11 08:39:45

I think alot of us can relate OP and you are not being silly!

Ds1 moves up to year 4 in sept - he is not ready - but has to go. He loses his lovely teacher and TA from this year sad and next year his teachers are job share and I am not sure how I feel about that.

Know what? I'm going to feel like that EVERY year!

I know its daunting/tiring but can you start building a bridge/relationship with his new teachers/TA???

cankles Sat 02-Jul-11 08:53:17

Cinnamon, I think transition are really hard and scary for both our dc's and us. My ds2 has a similar dx to yours (hfa/adhd) and he is due to go from big school in September 2012(he's just finished P6 (aged 10) and will go into P7 in September).

My oldest ds (nt) is transitioning in September and I found it very emotional, thinking about his accomplishments/achievements/friendships etc.

As Becaroo says you will build up relationships with all his new teachers etc and if you need a good cry have one x

Wendihouse22 Sat 02-Jul-11 09:27:08

Cinnamon....just have a good bawl and let it all go, is my advice.

My son has ASD/OCD/Tourettes verbal tics. Two years ago, we relocated from Hereford to Cheshire. Leaving the support of his primary school and TA and everyone who'd been such a massive support was terribly hard. I made a pact that on the very last day, I'd collect ds and not say any goodbyes. Not in a big way because I knew I'd not cope with it. So, it was just going to be like any other day. It wasn't of course.

Now, he's at another primary where we live. He's 10 and going into yr 7 next, with a view to Secondary in Sept 2012 . I have no idea how we will be able to leave all the support and help we've had and move on again. I miss his two fantastic TA's already !! But, we'll do it, cause he can't stay in primary education forever smile

And I have no doubt that when the time comes, it will be hard to say goodbye to the staff we've yet to meet at his mainstream with ASD unit Secondary we're applying for...... What I'm trying to say is that it's terribly hard but life moves on (hopefully) and I just try to be thankful for all the lovely helpful people we've had in our lives, thus far.

Sending a brew and biscuit and a hug to you.

Wendihouse22 Sat 02-Jul-11 09:28:27

My boy is high functioning ASD too, but the OCD's floored him.

CinnamonPretzel Sat 02-Jul-11 13:04:36

I know I should just let it all out, but I really don't get any opportunity.
This morning I almost went just reading your replies and even now typing this my eyes are filling up, but I don't have a quiet place to go that won't mean the DC or DH won't appear. Non of our doors get closed or locked and they will know something is up if I did.

What makes it hard is that I know I won't have the same feedback/or such close support that I've had over this past year. They have been amazing and a deep part of our life.

We are going from daily 1:1 contact and updates, popping into class for a chat or SENCO update straight into no contact and a diary that I know will fail miserably. I have no confidence in this new SENCO (and yes I have met her and spoken... no confidence filling - if anything, I'm now on the defence ready)

I just don't know at what part is making me so emotional. That I'll be losing great people or that I'll be losing that comfort/support! Maybe its both.

I've been through so much this year but I've held it together pretty much throughout but this is rocking me sad

EllenJaneisnotmyname Sat 02-Jul-11 14:04:22

((((hugs)))) Cinnamon. I had the same feeling when my DS moved from his lovely early years special school to a MS primary. In the SS I could join the class once a week, took him into the class, they had a parents room, they did parenting and SHARE courses. MS, he had to line up, no open door policy, home school diary, from first name terms to Mrs EJ etc. It was really hard and took me a year to get used to. He actually coped with it better than I did! He settled in quite well and the teachers soon found that they needed to talk to me if they wanted issues sorted quickly. I left a lot of the classroom management issues up to them to sort out, as DS needed instant consequences etc, but would suggest strategies when they asked. My advisory teaching lady (like ASD outreach) was pretty supportive, especially in those transition times.

Good luck with it, Cinnamon, I'm sure he will surprise you. smile

CinnamonPretzel Mon 04-Jul-11 20:24:06

Thanks guys... been tons better today, just hope nothing sets me off at school smile
I found out today DSs new class is job share...
Also, what is Autism Outreach? At the moment, the only support I have is me and DSs current teachers! hmm

Calally Mon 04-Jul-11 20:34:56

im assuming things are slightly different in diff parts of the uk. i havent a clue what senco are. ive been so lucky with ds, and i dread the day that changes. the ss he's at, he can stay there till he's 18, which is great, and he'll have the same teacher assistants and children in his class the whole way through. his school also do a home progamme, where is key worker comes out once a term. id be lost without them.

EllenJaneisnotmyname Mon 04-Jul-11 22:24:24

Most LAs will have specialist SEN teachers in different areas of disability, eg hearing impaired, visually impaired, autism, etc who have various names. (Ours are advisory teaching service for communication and interaction!) They are funded by the LA to go into schools and advise them how to support their pupils with that particular SEN. Often you can't self-refer and the school has to request them to come in and advise. In my LA they are lovely and very helpful and seem to be on my DS's side. Not everyone has had such a positive experience, but in your situation I'd be asking the school to call them in.

I've heard them called advisory teaching service, outreach team or inclusion team. For autism they can be called ASD, autism or communication and interaction. Different LAs have different names for it. Ask your SENCo about them, or parent partnership. (Also called partnership with parents, parents in partnership!) Hope that helps!

MissKittyEliza Tue 05-Jul-11 08:52:42

We have CASDAT ..... For Cheshire. It's an ASD advisory service. They come into school to advise Senco and TA on strategies to use in class. Our Senco referred us. The casadt person also attends Statement review.

Our Autism Outreach service comes from the Direct Payments or in Cheshire "Aiming High For Disabled Children" fund which is due to finish in August. What then?!!! We only got this in March and due to cutbacks, it's about to stop. Thanks David Cameron.

I think, you can access direct payments through Social Services. You can in our area. I'm going to try that.

CinnamonPretzel Wed 27-Jul-11 00:21:46

I did really well smile
I spent two weeks going throug exhausting school bits, end of term plays, leaving assembley etc, then handed my gifts out the day before last. That emotional goodbye was put fast in its tracks by a quick meeting with SENCO why DS went with his teacher to quietly look at her gift together alone smile
Anyhoo... long and short - I didn't cry, wanted to a great deal, held it together and then on the Friday went to bed at 8 and didn't get back up!
Far too much emotional exhaustion for my liking.

EllenJaneisnotmyname Wed 27-Jul-11 10:27:58

Catching up with your threads, cinnamon! My DS2 with ASD left primary school last week, to go to scary secondary. At his leavers' assembly they handed out dictionaries, polite applause for each child. My DS's name was called out and a spontaneous cheer went up! I bawled, talk about emotional exhaustion, I know exactly how you feel. My DS has always surprised me how well he has coped with transitions, it's usually been me who's been the mess! I hope you manage some proper holiday before September, being a 1:1 TA has its benefits, although not financial!

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