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Thread has just made me cry

(15 Posts)
nenevomito Fri 01-Jul-11 11:19:41

This is incredibly shitty and cowardly and I know I should be strong enough to reply on the actual AIBU thread, but every time I start I end up ranting. This thread here Children bribed to spend time with an autistic child has just made me cry my eyes out.

Mainly because I sat with my DS on Wed as he told me how sad he was that he didn't have any friends and he had to play by himself as no one wanted to play with him.

I know the poster can't help being in a position of ignorance as she doesn't have to deal with it, which is why I've not gone off on one there, but I had to let it out somewhere.

amberlight Fri 01-Jul-11 11:36:58

I'm not sure what to think about it. I think I'm with the poster on there who said it's okish if a teacher just notices the children being kind and rewards them for that, but I'm not OK with children being 'bribed' to spend time with someone with a disability. So it all depends how they approach it.
Having spent a very, very scary and lonely time in school and been desperate for others to have included me in some way, it would certainly make me sad to think that they'd only do so if there were points in it for them. We do have feelings.... confused

nenevomito Fri 01-Jul-11 11:45:56

I think what's made me cry are some of the posts where it was like spending time with a child was a chore. I've actually responded to one point, but suspect that I was overreacting so am going to hide the thread now.

I don't want other parents to be fed up because their child is playing with my DS or feel like they're missing out by playing or spending time with my DS. It really hurts to think that they would, even though rationally I can see their point. He was so sad on Wed and I know its not going to get any easier.

I know I am being utterly subjective on what's quite a raw subject for me at the moment.

Apologies to all as I know a thread about a thread isn't good form.

EllenJaneisnotmyname Fri 01-Jul-11 11:51:48

That's OK Babyheave. I've commented briefly on it. People are a bit precious about their PFBs (and PSBs) but my DS has a class full of children who really look out for him. I think the 'hidden disability' talk they were given with him in mind in Year 1 was really useful. People should be proud of their children for being inclusive, but children shouldn't be given the job of a TA if they really don't want it. This school could probably be managing it a bit better, by the sound of it.

working9while5 Fri 01-Jul-11 12:18:50

I have responded to it. It made me cross. Learning social skills that support an inclusive society is a two-way street. NT kids need to learn these skills just as much as kids with SEN. Why is it sad, puzzling and worrying for the OP that her child was pleased and proud that he got team points for helping another human being? I don't get it. In the schools I work in, team points are given for any behaviour that is valued in the school and why shouldn't being a decent little person be one of them?

Second rant over grin.

Starchart Fri 01-Jul-11 12:31:57

I haven't read the thread and will do in a minute.

But what comes to mind is that I think I probably 'bribe' other children to play with my ds. Well, not so much bribe but give them a reason to be interested in him.

We have started camping. I have discovered that other children are quite good when camping because they play with whoever is available and there at the time.

I discovered that if you get a silly tent, other children hang about outside it and try to look into it. I discovered if you tip a load of lego blocks outside your tent then other children come and play with them. I discovered that if you get or make a boat with a battery-powered rotar to play in the children's pool then other children try to talk to your child.

Basically I have found that by having or making 'novel' things that 'other children' might be interested in, it increases my ds' chances of accessing opportunities to interact.

What I don't do however, is tell the children that if they play with my child for 10 mins I'll give them a lollipop.

lisad123 Fri 01-Jul-11 12:47:17

whoops my finger slipped

Starchart Fri 01-Jul-11 13:06:01

Oh good grief. It's the parents fault that their disabled children don't get proper support in school now.

silverfrog Fri 01-Jul-11 13:09:40

oh, it's just ridiculous.

and no one listening to anyone who says (and must be the majority by now) that, properly handled, this is a good idea. that is benefits everyone. that more schools should be doign similar to ensure proper integration and inclusion.

mind you, this is MN after all - on the AIBU KP thread it is apparently her fault that her son is as disabled as he is, and therefore she shouldn't complain about the FB 'jokes' because if she hadn't damaged her son, then there would be nothing for FB to be making jokes about.... <sigh>

I do wish we could live in a reasonable, sane world...

working9while5 Fri 01-Jul-11 13:14:41


That's all I have to say on the matter.

Becaroooo Fri 01-Jul-11 17:03:27


Marne Fri 01-Jul-11 20:59:29

There have been times that i would have payed children to be nice to dd1 sad, i havn't read the whole thread, i'm not really sure what i think hmm, it sounds like the school are trying hard to help the child out.

Pixel Fri 01-Jul-11 21:02:43

I'm a bit torn because I think it depends a lot on how it is done as well as on the children involved. Some children would take it in the spirit intended, be proud that they are doing a 'good' thing and possibly go on to become friends with the disabled child without the need for 'rewards' which would of course be lovely. However, I do worry that another type of child (and there are some sneaky ones I'm afraid), realising that they are going to get 'points' for being nice will only do it for that reason. In that case all they are learning is how to exploit someone weaker than them for their own gain, which can't be good.

zzzzz Sat 02-Jul-11 00:56:41

Don't cry some people really just have never thought about sn.....and some are just idiotic.

Of course children should be encouraged to include each other. I went to lots of schools as a child and most of them ran a buddy system for new kids. I don't see much different in this to be honest.

I love the thought that my child is taking up too much of the teachers time, he has been kicking his heels waiting for the rest of the class to learn to count for 5 years. No one ever seems to think that is an issue. Though obviously anything we are good at is just a "splinter skill" and anything we can't do is a huge "issue".

I say VIVE LA DIFFERENCE [sp?], it must be rather lack lustre to have your child neatly bank on average. grin I love to refer to nt as "average" it must grate so.

mariamagdalena Sat 02-Jul-11 12:24:07

My first thought is that I tend to be impatient with people's worries about how an 'average' child (love the word) manages challenges. Because I do this all day every day and for them it's only minor stuff.

Which probably isn't fair because all children need their mum to be concerned it they're not coping well with a situation.

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