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Slightly off-topic, divorce

(5 Posts)
Confused4Now Thu 30-Jun-11 02:59:08

Sorry, but maybe I am not the only one who has gone through this.
I have a really challenging 4 year old dd with behaviour issues, a newborn and my dh has a drinking problem.

As anyone stayed in a marriage longer then they would have expected because it would be so damn hard doing it alone?

smugtandemfeeder Thu 30-Jun-11 05:46:22

Sorry you are having such a tough time. I have a 3 year old with autism, an 11 mo old and my DH also has a drink problem.

I was very very very lucky that DH accepted he had a drink problem and we had medical insurance which meant he could go into rehab for a month and has now stopped drinking.

Have you been to Al anon? I found their group sessions a huge relief, difficult to get to unless someone can look after kids for an hour but worth the effort. With special needs kids and special needs DH we spend ALL our time looking after others and none looking after our selves. Al anon is my only time where I can have time to focus on myself.

Is your DH open to his drink problem? Does he go to AA? Thinking of you. I know how utterly draining it is living with someone whose only focus is themselves, at a time when you only want to focus on your children.

Confused4Now Thu 30-Jun-11 12:32:04

Hopefully he has started looking into therapy, but I know it's a long road and that there are many obstacles along the way.

I also will look at support for myself, because I have enough to deal with my dd, I don't need to worry about him either.

glimmer Thu 30-Jun-11 21:37:45

You know I might not be qualified to respond to your post, but I personally found it always easier to do "all by myself" than work around needs/ideas etc of my husband (who does not have a drinking problem). Maybe it would help your DH to face his challenges if he realizes that you are seriously thinking about this (if you are). I wish you all the best.

runningonmt Fri 01-Jul-11 22:54:26

Sorry to hear you are having a bad time at the moment - I have to say I stayed in my marriage longer than I should have because I thought it would be the best for my DS (with ADHD but undiagnosed at the time). Things just continued to get worse as my ex didnt believe he had a problem and everything was my fault.

My experience is that although it is hard being on your own - it is not as hard as living with someone who makes your (and your kids) life more difficult than it already is with a child with behavioural problems.

Many conditions have genetic links (more so on the fathers side usually) so it is possible that your DH has an undiagnosed condition related to your Dd and his drinking is a symptom of his problems.

Please get some help and advice for you to decide what would be best for you and your family. Good luck x

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