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I know what I have to do but I am not happy about it!

(31 Posts)
akaEmmaFrost Wed 15-Jun-11 19:42:16

Ds finally, finally, finally, after three years of sweat and tears is being considered for an ASD school, the panel have sat and made this recommendation. There is an ASD unit opening and the HT and SENCO of the Primary School, to which it is attached are coming to meet him in two weeks time - RIGHT, SLAP, BANG in the middle of a holiday of a lifetime that I have had booked for a very long time. To be clear him being out of school during term time is not a big issue as he is being part Home Educated anyway and has spent most of the last year out on GP recommended respite anyway.

Apparently this ONE MORNING in the next 5 weeks before the end of term is the ONE AND ONLY time they can both get to meet him (seriously?)

I have to cancel the holiday don't I sad.

moondog Wed 15-Jun-11 19:45:42


beautifulgirls Wed 15-Jun-11 19:46:39

Gahhhh on your behalf. Presume you have already done the logical thing and asked if they can meet him separately some other times? Presume you also explained you are away etc. Appeal to their better nature again and see what they can come up with.

akaEmmaFrost Wed 15-Jun-11 19:46:40

Seriously? Would you not?

akaEmmaFrost Wed 15-Jun-11 19:47:29

Yes, I have offered to take him to meet them if it is easier but I think they want to see him on his home turf so to speak. I am gutted, absolutely gutted, not the first holiday I have had to cancel for stuff like this.

moondog Wed 15-Jun-11 19:49:49

I'm not sure what a GP knows abnout ins and outs of schooling but aside from that, if you have had this plan in place for a while, it's reasonable to work around it.
I would and I work in this field. Wouldn't occur to be not to be flexible.

How big a deal is holiday?
Is it abroad or something?

TheCrunchyside Wed 15-Jun-11 19:51:15

don't cancel. do they expect you to cancel this holiday? If so they are being v unreasonable if they can't rearrange around your holiday given he is being mainly home schooled.

akaEmmaFrost Wed 15-Jun-11 19:52:12

Yes many miles abroad. If we were in UK or even Europe I would probably come back for the day but not feasible where we are going.

GP probably doesnt know much but he listens to me when I tell him that ds is all over the place at school and the stress is pretty much destroying him (no exaggeration) and makes the recommendation at my request.

StarChartEsq Wed 15-Jun-11 19:52:29

Oh don't be daft. I understand why you are panicking but ffs don't cancel the holiday.

catherinea1971 Wed 15-Jun-11 19:52:33

Seriously, don't cancel your holiday, you deserve it! Tell them you can't make that date, that another will need to be arranged.
Was anyone involved aware of your pending hols?

akaEmmaFrost Wed 15-Jun-11 19:53:40

I dont think they expect me to cancel but they are not being very helpful it has to be said. I cant believe out of a five week period they can only make this ONE morning. I don't want to do anything that jeapordises this for ds. However he will be devestated if we dont go on this holiday as well.

moondog Wed 15-Jun-11 19:54:10

Write telling them this and cc it to many Important Folk.
Then no danger of you being branded feckless individual who Can't Be Arsed.

Once you start putting things on paper, peopel treat you very differently.

My top piece of advice to fight throguh SN maze is to do that at every stage.

c0rn51lk Wed 15-Jun-11 19:54:52

can't you take ds to meet them sooner ?

akaEmmaFrost Wed 15-Jun-11 19:55:18

jeopardise I mean.

akaEmmaFrost Wed 15-Jun-11 19:55:47

Yes, have offered to take him to meet them but no answer on this as yet.

catherinea1971 Wed 15-Jun-11 19:56:39

It all sound suspect to me, I agree with Moondog, get something in writing to them asapsmile

akaEmmaFrost Wed 15-Jun-11 19:57:52

Thanks moondog, I havent always been on top of my admin in that respect I must admit. I always save all the stuff I receive but not good at diarising stuff that happens and I know that I should and will start now.

moondog Wed 15-Jun-11 19:59:13

They're there to serve your needs, not vice versa.
I had a paprent cancel a meeting with me yesterday as she was busy dealing with the people sorting out an extension to her home for her child with disabilities.

Totally understandable.
I've rearranged the meeting.
Her life is difficult enough as it is without me throwing a hissy fit. hmm

StarChartEsq Wed 15-Jun-11 19:59:56

Be careful about the wording. Be confident. Don't send apologetic messages 'please can we meet on another date because we were hoping to go on holiday' is very different from 'Unfortunately we are unable to make that date due to a long standing plan to be out of the country. Other than that we are extremely flexible.

moondog Wed 15-Jun-11 20:00:47

Professionally composed.
Signed with a nice pen.
Copy in a lever arch file for yuo that goes to every meeting with you.
CCed to important folk

I cannot stress enough how this will magically dissolve most (not all) of the shit you have to deal with.

akaEmmaFrost Wed 15-Jun-11 20:03:18

Unfortunately because ds has been on respite for the majority of this year I hadnt actually formally told them we were going, I may have mentioned it last term but he is just never bloody well there, I actually thought he would most likely be on respite during that time anyway, in the last one and half terms he has been on respite for 8 weeks of it and he only attends in the morning anyway. He has probably been in school for the grand total of about 50 hours this year, if that.

I will send that email to the powers that be tomorrow, wording it just like that though.

akaEmmaFrost Wed 15-Jun-11 20:04:20

Not to mention the thrice weekly calls to bring him home because he is melting down. 50 hours may well be an exceedingly generous estimate.

akaEmmaFrost Wed 15-Jun-11 20:06:07

I must admit I do love my fact sheets to the powers that be, constantly writing to everyone with big long statements about ds's ASD and how to deal with various issues that may arise with him so I am pretty vocal, on paper, already, just need to formalise it really.

moondog Wed 15-Jun-11 20:10:08

Don't rant though.
Long rambling letters and emails mark yuo out as a nutter (in their eyes)
Non emotional language and bullet points are your friends.

Hope you have a super holiday and recharge the old batteries. smile

akaEmmaFrost Wed 15-Jun-11 20:16:22

Thanks so much for responding. Dont think they see me as a nutter <<hopes>> they asked me for most of them as no-one seemed to understand ASD at all, which was worrying, so I sent them a few "bullet pointed" facts to help deal with him and update as and when his issues change.

Not going to cancel, thanks, feel a bit more sure about things now.

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