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im getting rather fed up with the same comment made every time i take my ASD son to the supermarket

(38 Posts)
brandy77 Sun 12-Jun-11 10:13:22

"Hes a lively one isnt he", then raised eyebrows from others when my son starts wittering on in a babyvoice and jumping up and down at the till. It doesnt bother me, i am very patient to an extent and have just got used to it, but it bothers me that others obviously think they should comment because of his behaviour. Do you stop taking them to the supermarket? or stick a hat on him saying "i cant help being lively! so dont comment!". I could leave him with my mum but Im trying to teach him whats acceptable behaviour/talk so am perservering but if its a no hoper then il stop taking him.

I take him at present because hes out of school for the last 6 months and im a single parent so hes with me 24/7. Find out tomorow if hes got his statement then hopefully get him back into a special school. Tomorow will be a long day to wait!!

Thankyou.x

brandy77 Sun 12-Jun-11 10:14:04

hes nearly 7

chocoholic Sun 12-Jun-11 10:23:19

I have recently bought my DS this t-shirt from the NAS. I think they do badges too.

I wasn't sure about him wearing it to start as I don't really want him with a label on but it is fantastic. It makes me relax when we are out and let him be himself. If anyone is looking at him and his behaviour that closely they see what it says otherwise no-one reads it as it is quite small writing.

Means we have far more relaxed trips out and I stop worrying about what everyone else thinks.

bochead Sun 12-Jun-11 10:24:54

DS LOVES his "what you staring at?" T-shirt : ) Got in the sale at Peacocks : )

brandy77 Sun 12-Jun-11 10:26:02

thanks chocoholic, my mum suggested a badge but son doesnt do badges,lol. The t.shirt looks good. Do you just put it on your son when you go shopping or where the behaviour is the worst?

brandy77 Sun 12-Jun-11 10:27:31

lol bochead grin

chocoholic Sun 12-Jun-11 10:29:41

I tend to get him to wear it when we go out for a day trip (eg to a museum or boat trip) or supermarkets. Basically when I know we are going to be in close proximity to people who might be far too interested in his behavior!

brandy77 Sun 12-Jun-11 10:32:21

also i lightheartedely told son after a huge meltdown in public the other week that he had a little "problem" with his behaviour, hes picked up ont he word problem and now refers to his medical condition as a problem, but i dont know wether to go further with the whole ASD chat. My friend who works with young adults with autism says my son wont even know his behaviour is different, so when is the right age to have a chat with him and tell him hes got ASD (all seems too complicated too tell a young child) or as he isnt aware hes different do you just leave it till theyre older? thanks.x

brandy77 Sun 12-Jun-11 10:33:37

ok thanks chocoholic, il order one and also check out peacocks for cheeky slogans smile

brandy77 Sun 12-Jun-11 10:34:51

why ive asked when you tell a child also is because i know son will ask what t.shirt says and then go into a whole question/answer session about what autism is and id be stumped for answers

Calally Sun 12-Jun-11 10:36:08

i no what you mean. it doesnt bother me either. ds is 5, has sld, paed thinks he autistic, but no formal diagnosis yet. im a single parent to, ds is at school, but im at work, so have no choice other than to take him.

ds, talks repetitively about whatever he feels like, or does an ear piercing scream. throws himself on the floor, and curls his legs up. says hello to people ( attention purposes only ) doesnt actually want to talk to them ( cant talk to them )

i have to no choice but to take ds. i wouldnt stop taking him because of some narrow minded people, who obviously have nothing better to do. i no its hard to listen to, i usually just ignore it. you do get the odd 1 thats continues making comments, and i have told them that ds is disabled, they then go red and get all flustered and dont know where to look, and i just walk off.

utah Sun 12-Jun-11 10:52:25

My friend has one made at a local t shirt shop for his son many years ago, she regrets it as her son who is now 15 still resents her for making him wear a t-shirt when he was 6 till he was 8 on day trips. He still remember even though at the time had no language and did not make a fuss. I personally prefer the cards.

brandy77 Sun 12-Jun-11 10:56:02

its hard isnt it calally, my son doesnt throw himself on the floor very often now but his favourites phrase when hes had enough and the behaviour escalates is "im bored i want to go home now!" and he says it over and over, i just smile and ignore, shame others dont, perhaps i should teach him to say "i must be really handsome because you keep staring at me" smile

Calally Sun 12-Jun-11 11:04:13

lol brandy. ds will sit and talk about car washes and lawnmowers to anyone who will listen. but he just repeats the same thing over and over again. the staff at our local tescos all no him, and know what he's like. they talk to him, and listen and our so patient. which helps in a way. i couldnt even begin to explain to him that he's different. to him everything he does is normal. and the children in his class in school have similar behavioural issues. so if anything its the "normal" children who have issues lol.

borderslass Sun 12-Jun-11 11:05:48

I used to get the comments whenever I went in one particular supermarket but only off one cashier she would ask if it was only there that he misbehaved other places people where really good with him it was the general public's comments and stares when I was frogmarching a 12 year old out to the car in a strop.I just grew a thick skin eventually.

brandy77 Sun 12-Jun-11 11:07:59

thanks utah smile

calally, thats what i mean he obviously thinks his behaviour is normal, so you basically dont say anything at this age then but i spose you would have to when they get older because of bullying

brandy77 Sun 12-Jun-11 11:26:37

morning borderslass, i imagine it gets worse as they get older with the stares, as young ones can get away with it a bit more, dreading my son becoming a teenager! having my normal 16 year old boy is hard enough, but the thought of a teenager with autism is a worry! the local shop are fine with my son as they know all about his needs but its too expensive to do a weeks shop in a corner shop,lol

Calally Sun 12-Jun-11 11:27:40

yeah i no. the only good thing is with his school, he'll be there till he's 18. so hopefully by then he'll understand. i had ds at a local fair yest, where they had a bouncy castle ( he loves them ) so paid £1 for 5 mins ( extortionate ) i knew what was gonna happen. so his 5 mins were up, and the ladys telling them all to get off, so all the other kids clamber off, and ds is still bouncing, while im telling him to get off etc. so she's giving me evils, and muttering, by this stage ds is lying on bouncy castle screaming, no mummy. so he was just within reach, so had to grab him kicking and screaming and physically remove him from it. you can imagine the looks and comments we were getting. i had to leave, coz id of ended up saying something

newname0601 Sun 12-Jun-11 11:40:59

This is one of the reasons why I now do online supermarket shop. I've also saved a large amount of money for all the things I don't buy through pester power grin.

Calally Sun 12-Jun-11 11:48:20

ive thought about online shopping. but i live literally right beside the supermarket, so dont see the point in paying the delivery fee. im getting special pram from his ot, which might make things a little easier. so we'll see how that goes

brandy77 Sun 12-Jun-11 11:48:32

oh dear calally sad

newname, thats something to think about as i always end up spending too much on stuff that isnt on the list AND something for ds if he stays with the trolley and doesnt run off,lol

borderslass Sun 12-Jun-11 12:06:41

brandy77 He's not so bad now he'll be 17 next month but we still don't have an official dx. He had a major meltdown a month ago which is rare since starting his new meds but he hurt my shoulder badly, however he insisted on coming with me to do the shopping and wouldn't even let me push the trolley he was so upset over what he did but can't help it at the time IYSWIM.

nibsy Sun 12-Jun-11 12:08:05

Calally - I had exactly the same experience with my DS (DX ASD this week) with a timed bouncy castle yesterday. First time I've ever come across them and wouldnt try them again as DS got so upset. sad

Calally Sun 12-Jun-11 12:14:56

yeah, weve been to a couple of fairs recently and theyve all been the same. so unfair. the one yesterday i didnt realise it was timed. although its unfair on him, coz they have them smack bang in the middle of everything, so you cant avoid them. and your not allowed on the bouncy castle to get them, and ds knows this sad

chocoholic Sun 12-Jun-11 13:23:55

Brandy, I had the same issue about when to start to tell my DS that he is a little different. I went to an earlybird social session earlier this year and the the discussions we had seemed to point to a gentle dripfeed of information from a young age about how their brains work differently and telling them that it is autism.

My DS is 5 and we have told him he has autism. We mention it in conjunction with things he finds difficult but also try to make sure we link it to good things (eg, he is good at following rules, he is good at questioning and finding out more about things).

It has made things easier as I had a few instances where other children were questioning why he doesn't have to do certain things. I couldn't answer them with "he has autism so finds some things tricky to do" without my DS having this knowledge first.

It can also break you heart. When he was having a bad few days he came out with "I don't want to have a different brain, I want one the same as everyone else". My poor baby, I wish he did too but at least by him knowing, it will help him understand why things are sometimes different for him.

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