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We are making progress, why am I so sad?

(4 Posts)
Firsttimer7259 Sat 11-Jun-11 11:12:33

We are starting to get into the system with referrals for OT and SALT, plus have started with physio. My daughter has a development delay of about 6 months. Shes 16 months right now. We have seen the pead twice and so far bloods and brain scans are coming back normal.

I have got over the initial shock (took a while) and yestrday the physio was delighted with her progress (and so am I, its great to see and great to be finding ways to help her). Shes doing really well. Moving better and starting to take more of an interest in things as her skills come on.

But today I am tearful. In part its because we spent a little time with a friend and her 4 month younger daughter (who has now overtaken my girl in terms of development). Its lovely to see her coming along and I try not to compare. We are just in very different situations. But I want so badly for my daughter to communicate with me too. To learn things without me having to teach them.

Maybe I am making a big deal out of nothing, its just a delay. Perhaps many on here would think I should count my blessings so far. And I do try to: We are doing well, we have spotted it early, the NHS is being supportive, we are accessing the services we need and DD is making progress. But....

Does this ever get easier? How do you find your balance again?

janx Sat 11-Jun-11 11:26:56

I think it's natural to feel a bit sad and I think its ok to let yourself feel that as for a bit. My ds has severe verbal dyspraxia and sometimes I feel surrounded by 3 years old who can talk so well compared to my boy. As a parent you want your children to do well and be happy and it sounds like you are doing all the right things for your dd. I have days where I feel really positive about his progress and then others where I worry alot about him. Do you know anyone else with a child with similar issues?

EllenJaneisnotmyname Sat 11-Jun-11 11:37:31

It's such a hard time, firsttimer. There's a real grief to get through, that your gorgeous child isn't what you had expected or hoped for. Comparisons are inevitable and really upsetting. It took me a long time to take the advice to stop comparing your child to others and start to only compare them to themselves a few months ago. Then you can delight in their progress, because a delay doesn't mean 'no progress' it's just slower progress. Easy advice to give, harder to follow. I still look at friend's families and wish, sometimes, but it really does get easier.

Like any grief there are phases to get through and time makes you more accepting. Your DD is especially more precious, and you will get more joy from every small achievement that she makes than your friends will. Don't feel guilty for being upset, it's not being disloyal, you have to be kind to yourself and you can't be brave all the time. ((((hugs))))

coff33pot Sat 11-Jun-11 13:18:11

I do sympathise with you and send you lots of hugs smile

Its what I call "good day, bad day syndrome" smile

At home ds is what I class as "normal" as he is in his own surroundings and calmer and there is no one else in the house apart from his sisters and as they are so much older there is nothing to compare too. Once outside there is a huge difference in mostly anything communication, playing and spinning for no reason and going to the park for me used to be a nightmare as I couldnt help myself stealing a glance and a wish that my ds was like that.

I got a dog (for ds) and he walks it with me and when he is in the small park that I go to of an evening due to less kids. I make myself walk away and run around with the dog. Obviously keeping an eye on ds in very short intervals, but it stops me just standing there and comparing. I dont hang around in school playgrounds so I havent got to listen to the chatter of "of x or why is doing this or that" I am getting better at it. But have learned its also OK to feel this way. What I also know is BOY! am I over the moon when ds has progressed in something smile

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