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i keep blaming myself :(

(7 Posts)
saladsandwich Tue 31-May-11 21:21:01

im not sure if its my little one who needs help or if its me

been blaming myself alot for my little ones problems lately, he seems to be improving quite abit, his speech is coming along, i've been doing the work SALT have given us, i sit with him 2/3 times a day doing it and he's gone from 2 words to 75 words in 8 weeks and i just feel like i've failed him before hand, i know thats what SALT are for but i'm wondering if its my parenting or something i'm doing wrong what others do right.

he has a CAF in june and i'm dreading it absolutely dreading it to the point i was so very tempted to cancel it because i just feel my little boys problems are down to me or maybe i'm seeing things that aren't there and he's just an average toddler but i cant cope with him?

i see other toddlers and some of his behaviour is like their behaviour but more extreme or more constant, not sure if that makes sense, i dont know its such a confusing time, he seems to take 1 step foward and 2 back, not even sure why i'm typing this xx

lorisparkle Tue 31-May-11 22:33:24

Oh please don't blame yourself. Although I know what you mean. My DS1 has a speech disorder and I struggle not to think it was how I talked to him / played with him when he was younger. The stupid thing is that I am a trained teacher who works with children with SEN (including speech problems) and I advise parents and other professionals how to deal with speech problems. What I always say to parents is that it is not their fault. You are doing everything right and you can tell this because he is making improvements. The main thing that make a good parent are that you care and you obviously do that because you are working so hard with him and are so concerned. Everyone needs help at times and that does not mean you are a bad parent. I really struggled with DS1's behaviour. I read every book going to give me some ideas on what to do with him. At school in the classroom it is so much easy but at home I was 'drowning'. Advice from people with experience is fantastic. There is an old saying ' experience is something you get just after you need it'. So if you can get help and support from people who have already been through what you are going through or who have helped others in similar experience then jump at the chance. They won't blame you but will point you in the right direction. Mumsnet is fantastic for giving ideas for dealing with a variety of issues and just for off loading problems.

I would still go to the caf - good luck. My DS1 still has a speech disorder but it is improving slowly with lots of support from SALT and school. The younger you can work with him the better.

Minx179 Tue 31-May-11 22:35:42

Try not to beat yourself up too much. Though that's easier said than done grin. We all go through periods of self doubt at times.

It is easy to blame your own parenting skills, which can sometimes be a good thing if you reflect on the things that do/have worked in the past and why they may not be working now and adjust accordingly.

I think you know it's not your parenting; the SALT gave you skills/strategies that you had not had before. Or perhaps if you were aware of them, you weren't using the strategies to the extent or as specifically as you have been in the last 8 weeks, probably because you didn't know how effective they could be.

You have helped your DS to learn some words, hopefully he will go on to learn more. It doesn't mean you have failed your DS or yourself, you just needed some guidance to get there.

Don't cancel your CAF.

mariamagdalena Tue 31-May-11 22:35:53

Why do mums always blame themselves?

Your dc's recent progress sounds amazing, which DOESN'T make his speech problems your fault. It sounds like he was at just the right moment to learn, and you got the right speech therapist who used the right strategy for him. Plus youre dojng the hard work of implementing it and very successfully too.

If he learns to ride a two wheeler in a weekend, will that mean you're a bad mum for not taking his stabilisers off earlier?

In terms of behaviour and coping, I think most of the mums in this section have blamed themselves for behaviour problems in the past. Someone wise told me that to be a top quality mum for most kids, gcse parenting skills are enough. But for some, you need a doctorate just to manage breakfast. And it's those parents who turn up at the parenting skills workshops!

sneezecakesmum Tue 31-May-11 23:06:09

Mums always feel guilty, it just comes along with the baby!
Dont beat yourself up, your DS has done brilliantly because you have put in the time and effort. We cant all be health care specialists, but once given instructions we can follow we will usually see improvements.

If this were not the case the NHS wouldnt spend millions employing them!

Well done you and your DS. Be proud of your achievements and accept all the help thats offered. We all need guidance, its not a failing smile

IndigoBell Wed 01-Jun-11 09:43:20

It's totally not your fault that he only had 2 words before you started working with him!

Please, please, don't feel guilty.

He needed extra help to learn. And you did it. He has a problem, and you're helping him overcome it.

You're a superstar. And a brilliant Mum.

saladsandwich Wed 01-Jun-11 19:40:02

hey, thanks everyone, i just beat myself up because i do struggle with him, today he played lovely with the speech therapist like a regular little boy, but the day just dropped from there, took him to local cafe and i had to sit him in a high chair for dinner so he'd eat something because he was running round so i feel i've taken a step back there. then he did his high pitched scream for a good 15minutes solid through dinner with everyone looking. he was doing good at playgroup then started shoving a certain kid over and over again but he smiles as he does it, i tell him off, use time out but i can't seem to stop him and everyone looks and whispers xx

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