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I just want ds in school, I'm going mad

(31 Posts)
rebl Wed 25-May-11 10:45:31

School have said they can only have DS for afternoons. We're on week 2 of this. Since the week before Easter he's done 1 week half days due to injury. Then 2.5 weeks home for Easter holidays. 4 full days. 4 days at home due to injury. Then back but half days. He's still half days. He's well enough to be in school full-time. Drs say he should be there full-time. He's just broken his arm. I'm going mad with him at home. I can't take any more. He's basically just bouncing around the house and destroying everything including my sanity. And yes he's like this at school and I suspect they're using this as an excuse to not have to cope with him. I want to apply for a statement for him but CAMHS told me to hang fire another month but in the mean time I don't have him in school full time. I'm going mad. He's only just turned 5 btw so he doesn't legally need to be in school.

bochead Wed 25-May-11 10:50:09

The day he turned 5 he gained his legal entitlement to a full time education - contact parent partnership and the EWO to get them to remnd the school of this on your behalf. Ask the school when the ed pysch is coming in to assess him for a statement. Insist she comes in before the summer holidays.

catherinea1971 Wed 25-May-11 11:27:42

To be honest I would be applying for stat assessment now.
Has he been excluded at all, the school are acting illegally if they say they won't have him in for a full day.
Have they put anything in writing?

makemineaquadruple Wed 25-May-11 11:35:47

Don't like the sound of this atall!

There is no way that he can't be in school "due to injury". A broken arm isn't contageous. This has got nothing to do with why he isn't attending full time at the moment.

Have they ever actually said that they can't cope with his behaviour in school? I know how you're feeling with regards to having a break when they're in school. Even if it's just a couple of hours, you can regain some kind of sanity so I know why you desperately need this break The constant bouncing and destroying drives you mad I know.

Does your ds have one to one? Is he always disruptive in school or is it just something that he can be?

smileANDwave2000 Wed 25-May-11 11:38:12

bochead's right he should be full time by now so id contact PP and the LEA and start the statement process as soon as poss even more reason to start right away if the school feel they cant cope already , why did CAMHS say to hold fire

bochead Wed 25-May-11 11:43:30

If you don't push things often the professionals won't bother - but they will offer you a PRU and councelling in a few years when your teen is beyond help. I've learnt the hard way that sometimes you HAVE to be really pushy or it's only you and your child that suffers in the end. Please don't make my mistake!

rebl Wed 25-May-11 12:24:39

He's not always disruptive at school, about 50% of hte time. But he's always a danger to himself because he's always throwing himself at walls, or falling on hte floor. The OT thinks he needs 1:1 full time. He currently has no 1:1 apart from the 2hrs he is getting at the moment because of the broken arm (he is smashing his arm on anything hard he can to get the cast off). Im' going mad today. I don't know why I'm not coping today.

CAMHS said hold fire until they've finished their assessment so that the full picture is known for the statement.

I didn't know it was full time education from the day they turn 5. I had always thought it was from term after they turn 5. That changes things because I can argue a stronger case if he should legally be there full time and I have a dr's letter saying he can attend school full-time.

TheNinjaGooseIsOnAMission Wed 25-May-11 13:30:37

((((hugs)))) rebl. I'm with the others, apply for statement now. By the time they've had their 6 weeks to say yes or no (I think you have a strong case for a yes as you stand now as it's need not dx based and his needs won't change with a dx) and they then contact who you want them to the cahms stuff should be done. A dx will just confirm why he has these needs.

silverfrog Wed 25-May-11 14:10:33

rebl:

apply NOW for the statement.

as others have said, make sure the EP gets into school before the end of term. otherwise nothing will happen until Sept, and it will take 6 months form then.

if you write the letter today, the LEA has 6 weeks to respond stating whether SA is going ahead or not - that gives CAMHS their month. if you write today, add on the 6 weeks, it still gives enough time for the EP to get into school before the end of term to kick start the process - this means that not all of the school holidays will be "dead" time - there wil be things that can be worked on back at the LA - report writing, collating etc.

DO NOT DELAY.

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 25-May-11 14:58:28

rebl

I would also second the counsel made to apply for the Statement now.

The LEA has six weeks to respond to your request made, CAMHS will hopefully have their bottom in gear by then as well.

TotalChaos Wed 25-May-11 15:51:31

agree with everyone else - statements don't get done and dusted within a month of applying, so CAMHS sugestion to delay another month makes no sense.

Also bear in mind that EWO's can and do get referrlals regarding parents of under 5s whose kids's absence falls below 85%. (happened to us as DS got measles and lots of d & v bugs in reception) The school/council can't have it both ways!

devientenigma Wed 25-May-11 16:45:00

I agree with everything said as well as if you feel the school are using this as an excuse and you are getting no where with discussions with school you can always contact EWO yourself.
I really feel for you, I am climbing the walls too, my 10 yo has been out of school a year, he is also extremely challenging and difficult with complex needs.

bochead Wed 25-May-11 17:46:45

Another one - my ds has a melt down every other day - he's only attending for 3 hours a day right now. It's driving me NUTS!

rebl Wed 25-May-11 18:19:31

I'm glad I'm not alone but I'm sad I'm not alone either. So many children being failed and let down and mums at the end of their tethers sad.

I've tried to call the psychologist today to discuss whats happening and the way forward and statements etc but shes away on a course until Friday so I'll call on Friday. I have spoken with a sw yesterday and complained then about ds's school attendance and said that I desperately needed him in full-time education and she agreed and said she would get onto it, whatever that means.

I will try and speak with the class teacher tomorrow or failing that the ht because this can't go on. I actually am worried about my own mental state now and I can feel the downward spiral towards full blown depression quickening (I have a history of depression and can recognise the warning signs and so that I can prevent myself getting depressed) and I can't do any of the things I normally do to stop the slide because of having ds here all the time. I am quite frankly at the end of my tether. For a horrible few seconds today I actually thought that walking out of the house and never returning was the only way forward. I've not felt like that for years.

brandy77 Wed 25-May-11 20:27:42

I empathise, ive had my 6 year old son at home since January sad Its doing my head in! No home tuition, apparently he doesnt meet the criteria. I requested SA last November, got a NO back, applied for tribunal. In the meantime the EP got involved in February of this year and got the tribunal stopped and the SA started. Find out in another 3 weeks if hes got a statement or not, then the fight for a special school. Im guessing he could be off school another year if ive got to fight for school placement, by then he would have been off so long and with no education that it will be a nightmare to get him to attend at all. Totally deflated and think il probably end up home schooling him and going madder by the day doing it. Agree with others that you should apply for the SA yourself now. Good Luck.xx

devientenigma Wed 25-May-11 22:54:32

brandy if your ds has been signed off by a psychiatrist due to anxiety or some other "medical" issue then home tuition should be available. You get 1.5 hours, 4 days per week.
I must add my ds was statemented at 2 year old and has always been registered at special school. Due to the home ed service not specializing with sld pupils my ds gets 20 mins per day 4 days per week.
HTH x

brandy77 Thu 26-May-11 07:52:38

morning dev, he hasnt been signed off as such, EP has told school that my son has anxiety about attending and then the diagnosis of ASD came which explains the problems with nursery when he was younger. The school are still in the "hes fine" frame of mind, they are useless, they wanted me to deregister him so they could wash their hands and not have to supply work. 2.5 weeks ago I requested more high frequency words for him to learn as i only do spellings with him now because he is sooooo hard to teach. The spellings he accepts and does them, although hes still on 2 letter words, any other work demands and he flips out totally sad Last I heard, the LA said they would fund 50% of tuition and the school had to stump up the rest and they refused. Should I be chasing it up do you think? Thanks. xx sorry for the slight hijack rebl.x

devientenigma Thu 26-May-11 08:30:24

morning Brandy, yeah I would. I would also let whoever dxd the asd know what's happening around school and take the ed psyc report RE anxiety issues. Let them know you need this resolved somehow.
You too Rebl.

brandy77 Thu 26-May-11 08:52:28

ive just emailed the EP dev, shes super efficient in replying. The paed that diagnosed the ASD 2 weeks ago is very unefficient! We are in the statementing process, 3 weeks to go and shes not got the report completed yet, im chasing her, her own team are chasing her, the LA are chasing her as its needed for evidence. Apparently its quite a common occurence with her to be very late with reports her secretary told me. Il see what response I get off the EP. Thanks. x

supermum98 Thu 26-May-11 09:53:18

If he is legally entitiled to be in school quote DDA, they are discriminating, it always seems to work.

brandy77 Thu 26-May-11 10:02:43

Thanks supermum, who exactly would i quote that too? sorry rebl!

wendihouse22 Thu 26-May-11 10:19:02

Have I missed something? What exactly are CAMHS waiting for? For you to lose your grasp on normality altogether?

Statement.
Parent Partnership.
Senco.

He should be in school. I have kept my son off recently because he has been (mentally) ill. It was my decision. And he drives me round the bend but I knew he couldn't cope. School have encouraged me to GET HIM BACK INTO CLASS! This is not acceptable, if your school can't cope full time, they need to put things in place which enable them to cope and GET THE BOY BACK IN CLASS.

They need to get on with it!!

Suzza Thu 26-May-11 14:56:39

Wow so good to hear it's not just me going round the bend!, my sons school are refusing him to go full time (now 5!) because they cannot deal with his behaviour. He has 1:1 for two whole days a week but the other three does 3 hours and I am struggling to keep my job and the other day I asked for his hours to be increased and the next day he bit someone and the head couldn't get the words out quick enough... Sorry but he cannot be full time!! Argh... Then he went and did it again today after I asked again yesterday!! I am exhausted!!! Only another 26 weeks and I will find out if he had been accepted for a statement. I will be in a mental home by then!! LOL x

Suzza Thu 26-May-11 14:57:19

Wow so good to hear it's not just me going round the bend!, my sons school are refusing him to go full time (now 5!) because they cannot deal with his behaviour. He has 1:1 for two whole days a week but the other three does 3 hours and I am struggling to keep my job and the other day I asked for his hours to be increased and the next day he bit someone and the head couldn't get the words out quick enough... Sorry but he cannot be full time!! Argh... Then he went and did it again today after I asked again yesterday!! I am exhausted!!! Only another 26 weeks and I will find out if he had been accepted for a statement. I will be in a mental home by then!! LOL x

wendihouse22 Thu 26-May-11 16:12:22

When we relocated (with our Statement in place....that's key!) the new school informed LEA that they could not accommodate the Statement and my ds' needs on the funding given. Very quickly, more funding was provided for more 1:1 TA, otherwise, the LEA would have had to find him another school.

So many LEA's say Statements are not necessary. We would not have the support we have now, had we not had one.

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