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How do I get my 4.5 yr old to give up the dummy?

(17 Posts)
Floopytheloopy Thu 05-May-11 19:13:52

Hello everyone.

Firstly, she only has it at night. She's not had a dummy in the daytime for a couple of years now.

As some of you know she probably has a mild ASD so routine's can be crucial. Her bedtime routine is definitely one of them. She has had the same two stories for the past 18 months- 2 yrs(If I don't hear about the gruffalo ever again it will be too soon), then she has to make sure that she has her blanket, whatever the weather and it has to be round the "right"way.

She can be very good about certain things changing for example we've recently knocked peppa pig before bed on the head(ryhme not intended) and she dealt with that really well. We kept warning her and that seemed to help. Preparation. However whenever I mention that soon she will have to give up her dummy because she's getting such a big girl she just says "no, never. Maybe when i'm a lady"confused

I also ask myself does it really matter? She sleeps so well and i've got no doubt that that helps her go off. Is it really that unusual for a 4 1/2 yr old to still have their dummy at night?

For those of you who have cracked it, do you have any tips?

Thanks very much.

zzzzz Thu 05-May-11 19:26:55

I wouldn't say you are too big for it, because you will just get no I'm tiny in response. If it was me I would say there are no Dummies in June, get a marker pen and a calender and just tick off the days and then bin the lot. She will sleep without and she can take the change [just look at the demise of Peppa Pig]. But do it at the weekend so you can spend all day getting her knackered and so you have support [if you do].

I think the biggest difference with losing the dummy for us was less colds etc. It wasn't dirty I think it just snuffled against the nose all night and somehow that made for colds all the time. I think also when she starts getting adult teeth it might make for more cavities.

My dh was breast fed till he was 4 so IMHO a the dummy is not that bad. Personally I thin it will be easier to lose now then later, but do what you think not anyone else. I do not think it is anything for either of you to be ashamed of.

Floopytheloopy Thu 05-May-11 19:41:15

zzzzz, thank you.

To be honest with you, nobody else knows about it other than very close family. I do feel quite uncomfortable at the thought.

I think the reason it's taken me so long to do it is that saing keeps popping into my head. "Pick your battles". It can be very useful at times. I'm still not sure if its a battle worth fighting if it's going to upset her so much. Like I said before, she's done so well with giving other things up recently, am I not just expecting too much?

I liked the countdown idea by the way. She does respond well to warning(most the time)

Thanks for you

niminypiminy Thu 05-May-11 22:01:25

DS2 (now one month short of five) still loves his at night. But we are saying that on his fifth birthday it will have to go, because, well, it has to go some time. There will probably be some kind of magical exchange - dummy for something he would really like as a present.

But I don't feel stressed about it, I mean if he was a thumbsucker, no one would be able to stop him. People are often really snobby about dummies but which of us as adults doesn't have a comforting habit of some kind?

Floopytheloopy Fri 06-May-11 10:20:04

niminy, this is what I meant when I said is it really that big a deal?

I liked the exchange idea. I think I read on here a year or so ago that a nursery had made a box at christmas time, that was meant to be a dummy drop off. The idea was you were giving your dummy back to santa and in exchange he would send a little something for you to nursery. I remember thinking it was a good idea, but at the same time I felt sorry for the dcs who didn't have a dummy in the first place. I'm assuming they had that covered though.

You're right in saying that we all have a comforting habit. Mine's definitely a glass or 2(maybe 3hmm) of wine in the evening. There are worse habits I suppose.grin

catherinea1971 Fri 06-May-11 10:58:19

With dd1 (nt) I talked to her about the dummy fairy, for a couple of weeks then once she got the idea the dummy was put under her pillow and she had a present next to her bed when she woke up....she never asked for a dummy again.
I have a problem now with ds1 (asd), just turned 4 an still has a bottle which he takes to bed, and uses like a dummy. Big dilema for us as he is a poor drinker and doesn't really drink from anything other than his bottle...

cxxxcxxx Mon 13-Jun-11 12:02:17

My daughter who has asd and sld had a dummy at night until she was ten. She went on a weekend away with her mainstream school class when she was 91/2 and was most surprised to find that her classmates didn't have dummies. We told her that no ten year old children have dummies and that we were going to not let her have her dummy once she was ten. I expected a meltdown that night but she agreed that she was a big girl now and therefore didn't need one. I think the fact that we talked about it a lot and gave her plenty of warning helped.

pedalpants Mon 13-Jun-11 12:05:54

theres a farm not far from us where you can donate dummies to the piglets... weird.

brandy77 Mon 13-Jun-11 15:36:59

dummies are a nightmare! my son aged 6.5 ASD has his at night time but sneaks it during the day and hides it from me. I keep telling him he will end up with a brace as his teeth are starting to stick out, but he wont give it up. my eldest had one till he was 4 (16 now), managed to get him to swap it for a PS1 game, youngest cannot be bribed to give it up at all

TheDuckster Mon 13-Jun-11 16:16:32

My DD (who has Aspergers) still had her dummy at 5 years of age. She only had it during the night but wouldn't let us get rid of it.

In the end we had to make a stand - or she would probably still have it (she is now 22 smile).

We had planned a trip for the week-end and we were staying in a Travelodge. When it came to bedtime I told her that we had forgotten her dummy (we hadn't). I figured that she would be more tired than usual because we had been on the go all day. She went balistic but it only lasted a short(ish) while. Next night the same but less time.

When we got back home I told her that she didn't need it any more because she had managed all week-end. She went mad, told me she hated me (she did) - but I stood my ground. This probably went on for a week - a little better each day. In the end she gave up.

I'm not sure there is another way other than to wait until she volunteers to give it up - but that could take a loooong time.

Calally Mon 13-Jun-11 16:25:18

my ds is 5.5 and still has a dummy at night. sneaks it during the day sometimes ( im convinced he has a secret stash somewhere ). he has sld, possibly autistic. i have tried on several occassions 2 get rid of it at night, 2 no avail. he has sensory issues, and one is constantly having something in his mouth to chew on. mentioned to paed, and she seemed to think its not doing any harm, it comforts him, and he'll give it up when he's ready.

brandy77 Wed 15-Jun-11 10:04:21

calally, thats the problem isnt it if they havent got the dummy shoved in their mouth they chew their nails or clothes so theyre constantly chewing on something. Since i banned the dummy during the day my sons always got his fingers in his mouth and his nails have disappeared, just hope he doesnt start on his toes next grin

Calally Wed 15-Jun-11 13:21:42

He'll chew anything, mainly laces and drawstrings on clothes lol. I've tried without the dummy, waiting till he's knackered, so he should be that tired he'll sleep without it. Lol, if only it was that simple

ohmeohmy Wed 15-Jun-11 14:16:36

maybe swap dummy for chewy tube

Calally Wed 15-Jun-11 15:51:28

tried that lol. OT sent him home an orange ring thing to chew on. he throws it for the dog, as he thinks its the dogs toy. OT then sent home chewy tube, point blank refuses to even touch it. tried putting lace inside it, still doesnt want to know lol.

logi Wed 15-Jun-11 19:05:33

Hi Floopy my son ASD is 8 this year and still has a bottle which he is extremely attached to...i also keep thinking to myself "pick your battles"

My son says he still wants it when he is a man lol

coff33pot Thu 16-Jun-11 00:16:03

With my eldest dd she left it in my brothers garden one day and I took the plunge and said to my brother to break it and say the dog ate it. She was upset for a little while but because it was not at home she handled it better and never mentioned it again. My second dd liked one for her mouth and one for her nose (to rub the end of her nose with) With her I told her the dummy fairy picks up dummies when children are 4 and pass them onto other babies but leave a present in its place. We hung it in a little bag on our tree outside in the morning she went out and I had replaced it with a small cuddly cat and sprinkled fairy glitter all over the path. She was fine but sucked the cats tail for about 3 nights! grin

My DS fed his to the hamster and had to wait till morning till I went to shop. Not happy at first but I kept repeating there were none in stock but mummy is trying. It wore off and he has now developed the habit of putting his tongue over his top front teeth in his sleep and sucks smile we did this with the light bulb when it blew and used the being out of stock at the mo routine so now he just uses a small night light. I think because its the shop that isnt providing it instead of me it has eased the pain!

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