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It is possible I may be pregnant again. This worries me.

(53 Posts)
smallwhitecat Tue 26-Apr-11 21:35:24

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silverfrog Tue 26-Apr-11 21:55:54

oh, swc - erm, congrats, and hugs all at once.

I desperately want another one. and then again, I don't.

I could cope, but then I couldn't.

it would be wonderful, and it would be hellish.

and just about every other opposite you can think of (and I am sure you have done so!)

what would you want without the ASD risk potential? and how possible do you mean? possible as in you are late, but are always late, or possible as in know-really-deep-down-but-in-denial-through-panic?

pigletmania Tue 26-Apr-11 22:01:02

omg silver feel the same way, my dd 4 has possible ASD, awaiting proper dx from multidisciplinary team meeting in September. WE are just going for it! 2 MC later and no baby after 2 years of ttc sad

asdx2 Tue 26-Apr-11 22:04:56

I can tell you dd wasn't planned. I told no one outside of the immediate family that I was pregnant and I cried every day of my pregnancy.
The first person to notice I was pregnant noticed the day after my due date because I hid it so well.
We prepared ds for the baby for about five months. When dd was born the noise, the smells and the disruption ds was prepared for and took in his stride. Ds loved dd from her earliest days, he was able to be kind and patient and tolerant to her when he isn't with anybody else.
For the first year I watched dd and felt reassured that she was fine because she was nothing like ds (she still isn't)
When she lost all her skills around her first birthday I knew she had autism too (confirmed a week after her second birthday)
Now I can see she is a huge blessing, she gave ds the chance to learn so much and they have an incredible bond. My happiest times are watching dd and ds talking and playing together.
I'm not going to tell you it's all been easy although autism second time around is by far easier, I'm pretty sure it won't kill you though.

silverfrog Tue 26-Apr-11 22:07:07

oh piglet - it can be so difficult, can't it?

bloody bastard ASD angry (I love my dd1 dearly, of course I do, but it has changed so much about our lives)

I do have another - dd2 is equally a joy and a terror - she has probable PDA. I am not at all sure that having another would be a good idea, and given that dd2 is now 4 - off to proper school in Sept, we are well out of the baby stages.

but i still want another one.

<sorry, swc - not much help to you!>

smallwhitecat Tue 26-Apr-11 22:10:43

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silverfrog Tue 26-Apr-11 22:16:09

ah. that kind of possible.

with the longest wait

<I have a double whammy at that point, as have had previous ectopics. so I get to worry that I will end up killing myself thorugh pregnancy. then when it was all ok with dd2, I spent the rest of the time worrying about ASD. bloody joyous time pregnancy is, in the silverfrog household grin)

I hope the wait is not too long for you. at least you are regular, so know when to test <looks on the bright side> - my cycle can be anything form 26 days to 38 days. so no clue really - and the couple of weeks difference could be the difference between life and death <cheerful, moi?>

eat asparagus - it's nicer than folic acid tablets, imo (and doens't mke me throw up, which folic acid does!)

smallwhitecat Tue 26-Apr-11 22:18:22

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pigletmania Tue 26-Apr-11 22:28:10

Dont worry about it, if your baby does have ASD at least you know what to expect, just enjoy. Take one bit at a time, and cross that bridge when you come to it.

smallwhitecat Tue 26-Apr-11 22:28:15

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5inthebed Tue 26-Apr-11 22:39:51

Aw SWC, I've been there. It's a hard hard thng to think about.

I got pregnant (according to dates) three days after DS2 was DX with autism, found out I was pregnant 4 weeks later and was told by a few specialist within the next folowing weeks that there was a 1 in 4 chance that the new baby would have an ASD. It was an easy decision for me though, I couldn't go through a termination, and whatever, if anything, there was we would handle it.

DS3 is 2.5 yrs old now, and he is smashing, no sign of an ASD, although there are a few worrying moments when he imitates DS2, who he idolises.

The first year though was really hard, as DS2 didn't acknowledge DS3, and would have a meltdown whenever DS3 cried. He stepped on him once when he was lying on the loor, we had to DS2 proof DS3, poor little sod.

EllenJane1 Tue 26-Apr-11 22:57:11

I had Ds3 just at the start of the diagnostic process for DS2. So it was a fait accompli! Didn't stop me spending a worried 18 mths to 2 years waiting for any obvious signs or regressions. As it is DS3 is unDX, but quirky. So on that spectrum (obsessional, hyperlexic,) but nothing to worry about.

DS1 (13) had very delayed speech, is shy and awkward socially and is very geeky, but actually the most NT of my boys. He's even got a girlfriend!

Also, I think the benefits of being a sibling outweigh the disadvantages, on tap playmates who really get you, even if they hate you sometimes! Just another perspective, smallwhitecat. Hope it helps.

tryingtokeepintune Wed 27-Apr-11 00:29:30

SWC - congratulations?

DS was dx. 6 weeks before dd2 was conceived. Like you, I too knew/know the word no but miscalculated. Spent pregnancey worried about dd2 as well as coming to terms with dx. Had the sex of baby confirmed as the link to ASD was much higher with boys but was determined to go through with it anyway ( thought should be prepared for eventuality in case etc...) However, dd being female did not stop me worrying though and I watched her closely all through her first 3 years, had separate MMR injections etc.

Was worried how I was going to cope with dd2 even if she was NT and how to ds proof her in case he gets too rough.

Well, dd2 now chats non. She is the reason I think ds has improved so much (there is a 5 year gap). She has taught him social skills and how to play different games and he learns from her - she does boss him around though. He is also protective towards her, even when he was not so verbal, when she was around 18 months old, he would get snacks for her, if he was getting one for himself - all this without any direction from us.

Good luck and keep us posted.

mumof2beebies Wed 27-Apr-11 09:28:10

bless you, I have a 4 year old with SN undiagnosed, but isn't talking more than a 2yo and has many many tantrums.
I had my younger son last year and didn't know what to expect, but lemme tell you, DS2 is and has always been an absolute breeze. I think god had mercy on me, he's the easiest child I've known of. I don't know if it's because he's the second? They just watch and follow the older one, he doesn't expect every minute of my attention, if I'd had him first, I might have had about 6 of them. But as I know how much work my first one is I'm sticking with two.

Just trust in god smile

smallwhitecat Wed 27-Apr-11 10:18:31

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chocjunkie Wed 27-Apr-11 10:26:56

sounds familiar, swc, thats how I got DD2 grin

problems with DD1 (3, maybe asd) only became obvious halfway during my pregnancy and I kept worrying myself sick re DC2 and how I would cope with 2 children. DD1 was a v v difficult baby. DD2 by comparison is a real doodle. probably way too early to say if DD2 is NT (only 5 month old) but she appears to be pretty NT-ish so far.
also DD1 loves her sister to bits. it really brings out a social side in DD1 we haven't seen before: she goes to hug and kiss DD2. brings her toys and her blanket, tries to comfort her when she is upset etc. so it is a real blessing to have DD2 - the best accident I ever had smile

ArthurPewty Wed 27-Apr-11 11:36:55

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ArthurPewty Wed 27-Apr-11 11:40:59

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asdx2 Wed 27-Apr-11 11:50:41

My two are polar opposites too I just found it easier second time round because I knew strategies and put them in place from the earliest days, knew the paths to dx and a statement and got them done at the earliest opportunity. Professionals respect my knowledge and experience so if I say there is a concern then they take it seriously. I have had the confidence and self assurance when handling dd from the beginning that came with time when having ds.
Not saying that the ASD is bound to be milder because ds is moderate and dd is moderate to severe just that the knowledge and experience made it easier.

smileANDwave2000 Wed 27-Apr-11 12:15:46

congratulations on baby if so and new job, firstly ive 3 dc's only one of them is ASD the other two quite the other end of the scale and NT so just because you have one dc with ASD doesnt mean you will have another but worse case sceinario and you did you WILL manage we muddle through somehow and you will love your new baby no matter what, and as some of the others say also even if they do have SEN it doesnt mean will be as bad could be very mild indeed no way of knowing either way and i guess thats the problem not knowing isnt it, but there is one thing for sure no guarentees in life and all life is an uncertanty so stop worrying and if your pregnant relish in it enjoy it its always a blessing and good luck

ArthurPewty Wed 27-Apr-11 16:34:40

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asdx2 Wed 27-Apr-11 16:46:19

You have described just my life tbh. Ds is the volatile one and I am always on alert, dd is predictable and then just when you think you've got them sussed they both act completely out of character and you are learning all over again. Ds is 16 and dd 8 now I have to say the last couple of years have been horrendous with ds but easier with dd. I'm hoping that ds becomes more stable befor puberty kicks in for dd as the hormones seem to send everything awry.

lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs Wed 27-Apr-11 16:49:22

ok, I have 2 beutiful girls, who both have Autism. They are very different to each other, and in some ways thats nice but in some ways its very hard because they rub each other up the wrong way sad
DD2 is certainly more work, and certainly worse effected in most ways.
However, we would love one more but I had 2 MC in between the girls and dh has cancer now too and if we did get pregnant theres a high risk of disabiities due to his drugs sad

asdx2 Wed 27-Apr-11 17:05:49

Of course I have three NT kids besides so I have got to experience normal parenting and I would hate to think how I'd have coped having ds as my first child tbh. Knowing that I had parented three well behaved and lovely kids did mean that I didn't feel as though it was all my fault that ds was unmanageable and of course I had the experience and had a few tricks up my sleeve from them too. If we had a bigger house, I was younger and I was happier with dh and of course he is on chemo too so there is no possibility I'd be happy to have one more tbh I did plan on having six.

ArthurPewty Wed 27-Apr-11 17:32:29

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