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This has really pissed me off tell me if I'm over reacting?

(31 Posts)
Kesha321 Sun 16-Jan-11 00:51:27

It's really bad when you think to put a notice up in facebook saying!!
DO NOT COME TO MY HOUSE UNEXPECTED AS MY SON WILL ATTACK YOU BEWARE OF THE BOY!!!

I'm really considering telling all my friends to make sure they give me 2 hours notice at least before they turn up, the other day my friend came again unexpected and this turned my son (Asd) crazy hitting her tantrums throwing stuff! But I felt so angry not at him at her like why can't you just understand you can't just turn up!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's so annoying now even though he is diagnosed Shez like nah his normal my cousins friends aunts best friend mate Paul had a daughter who picked his skin it's normal,oh he can't be autistic he hugged me before,oh it's nothing he can't talk my mates little girl never spoke till I was four,oh it's fine he is not sociable neither are you,oh he climbs and jumps from heights his just having fun! I'm not sure if she is trying to reassure me that he is fine or actually being completely ignorant?? She then ended it in on oh maybe I should pick my skin and I'll get Dla,that made me feel totally sick!!!

Think I'm going to loose a friend..

Spinkle Sun 16-Jan-11 08:17:23

She's not a friend.

If she was she would take time to understand the problems of living with an ASD kid.

People have very preconceived ideas of what autism looks like. It's not always Rainman. It's not always lining up toys or rocking backwards and forwards.

I find my son reacts the worst when he's around people who understand him the least. It's like he has a sixth sense.

Tell your 'mate' to stay away until he can cope with her.

And to suggest you are making up him problems to get DLA is the very lowest of the low.

I would have had to ask her to leave at that point, before I slapped her.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Sun 16-Jan-11 08:43:06

Well, if you are close friends, I'd ask her why she is saying these things.

Otherwise, or if she really believes them, i'd drop her, as she sounds like an arsehole.

IndigoBell Sun 16-Jan-11 08:55:21

And it is absolutely fine to say that you don't want people to come round with no notice.

I's not about 'beware of the boy'. It's the opposite, you are looking after your son and protecting him and want to make his life slightly more bearable.

That's what Mums do. They look out for and protect their children constantly. And they put their childrens well being above their friends.

Good luck. Seems like you're going to need to be striong for a while.

TotalChaos Sun 16-Jan-11 09:12:42

Until the dla comment the girl just sounded really thick but that dla comment was just vile

purplepidjin Sun 16-Jan-11 09:26:09

You're definitely not over-reacting - she has shown you absolutely no respect, and deliberately caused a lot of distress for your DS and you.

My best mate is NT and lives by herself and doesn't like unexpected guests - so I respect that and only go round if invited. As she does to me.

Ditch her, friends are supposed to make your life easier not harder hmm

coldtits Sun 16-Jan-11 09:34:25

this is really easy to deal with once you get the guts to do it. Just don't answer the door.

lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs Sun 16-Jan-11 09:37:16

No one ever turns up at our house without calling first, tbh I think its rude anyways.
I had a "friend" make a simular comment to me about my girls and hand cards, and said maybe she should explain her little girl has low self esteem then she'd get a discount hmm
TBH Im losing a lot of friends with NT at the moment, they just dont get it.

I would drop your said friend she clearly has no idea what your going though and isnt helping.

TotalChaos Sun 16-Jan-11 09:37:26

Coldtits is bang on btw you dont have to let her in if it will upset ur ds

intothewest Sun 16-Jan-11 10:20:23

I agree-it is your 'friend' who is upsetting your son and she should not come round if you are not expecting her-and if she doesn't get a grip and stop saying useless and hurtful things,she should not come round at all

ApocalypseCheeseToastie Sun 16-Jan-11 11:54:37

Oh yes, dla envy....

Ignore the silly fuckers and don't let them in

bullet234 Sun 16-Jan-11 12:22:36

You're not overreacting. Tell her that you're sorry, but as ignorance is unfortunately not counted as a disability then her claim for DLA would be rejected.

purplepidjin Sun 16-Jan-11 12:31:46

I like bullet's answer grin

SummerRain Sun 16-Jan-11 12:35:21

She doesn't sound like much of a friend tbh... that comment about getting a DLA herself is rude and ignorant in the extreme and shows how little she really cares. Ring her and say 'I'm sorry but i have enough to cope with on a daily basis as it is without unexpected visitors popping in, could you please arrange in advance to call round?' If she really wants to be a friedn she'll do it and if she gets stroppy, well then you know she's not a true friend anywway so you can phase her out of your life.

Not on the same level but my youngest has oral dyspraxia.... the amount of people who tell me with utter confidance 'There's nothing wrong with him, sure he's making loads of noise. He'll talk when he's ready' drives me mad..... obviously i imagined the massive feeding issues, the drooling and the fact that he can't make any consonant sounds other than Ma then and the paediatricians and SALTs are just going along with my delusions then? confused

Kesha321 Sun 16-Jan-11 13:46:59

Thank you so much I frigging love you people!!! Well I was so pissed off last night I had to text her I said was you implying I've "made" my son have autism so he can get money she replied at 1st "lol you know me well" I text back pardon?? Then she write "I'm joking I'd never think that of you and your going mad you seem emotional what's wrong?" my heart is telling me to tell her to piss off her suitcases are still here from her staying at mine coz she can't be arsed to pay her £90 rent per month!!!! I wouldn't mind but my son was only dianosed 8 days ago so it's raw!! He does not get DLA yet!! Dya think the consultant would diagnose autism for £40 quid a week???? If that was the case wouldn't I just say I had a bad back for Dla?? I'm still fuming! I mean it is my time of the month so I can't trust my own reactions to things but now I know I have the right to be peed off,worst of all she was sitting there discussing my baby with her mom before they came to the "his not autistic coz he hugged her theory". And to them tell me I'm going mad and change the subject and LOL it,can't be right!!

purplepidjin Sun 16-Jan-11 14:32:26

He was diagnosed 8 days ago and she thinks it's appropriate to make jokes??

You've been going through the diagnosis process and she thinks it's appropriate to come and stay with you???

Suitcases outside front door, which should be locked and the key left in. She has 24 hours to collect before you take them to the charity shop.

If she were a friend, she would be on your doorstep with a bottle of wine and a big box of chocs, by prior arrangement. She should be working out how to get her dp/mum/someone you can trust to look after the DCs so you can get out and do the shopping/have a coffee on your own/go for a few drinks with your mates regularly.

She should also be trawling the internet to help you find out what help and support you can get, leaving you time to look after your DC and come to terms with his diagnosis.

zzzzz Sun 16-Jan-11 15:39:48

I think she's a pain and not really adding anything but stress and misery to your life at the moment. Tell her you are finding her attitude to ds's dx really offensive [which it is] and you just can't cope with contact for a bit. You never know she might be a friend later on but at the moment she is being an arse.
Personally I would drop her bags at her place or her Mums because I wouldn't want her turning up.
I HATE people coming to my house uninvited....to be honest I think it is rude [how hard is it to pick up the phone before you come?]. Just tell people you would rather they call first. You don't have to say it's because of ds, just it makes you more comfortable if you have time to tidy up or whatever. I have one neighbour who does still come uninvited but even she is beginning to get it.
I'm typing as I think because I feel a little irritated by all this. You do realise this person is bullying you? You do not have to house her stuff, endure her comments, subject your son to her presence, hear what her Mother thinks of your parenting choices....deal with it, no more.

And from me, the dignosis procedure is ghastly. We are still in the middle and I can only say look after yourself and fill your life with people who help not hinder.

purplepidjin Sun 16-Jan-11 15:45:21

Yeah, BF often texts to say she's on the way to the shop (I live above) and am I free for a coffee. It's called courtesy!

5inthebed Sun 16-Jan-11 16:15:25

She doesnt sound like a very good friend, especially making jokes about it when he has only just received a DX!

Tell her to take a long walk off a short pier.

Kesha321 Sun 16-Jan-11 16:22:03

Thank you lot so much I did actually wonder if I was going mad!!! On the day of diagnosis she turned up with her suitcase going on about this guy and the other she is dating,I tried to smile and bear it but inside I felt this pain inside all I could think about is my son,and what to do next,and she was yapping on about herself,then she started to pamper my feet (she's a beautition) and then slid in can I stay at yours tonight,I said no I have to start my son at his new nursery tomorrow and I'm tired and emotionally drained,I looked exhausted!! So she was like aww il stay out the way please don't send me home,so I sed ok 1 night so she went on to smoke my ciggies and leave mess all over the house which takes my hours to clean with the kiddies.she knew I needed space but she continued to yap on about all her guys ect..the day after I just bursed into tear I couldn't supress and smile no more,so she took the opportunity to say awww ur not feeling good I'm going to stay again..I know this had nothing to do with how I was feeling!! As the next day she was lodging at another friends and wouldn't reply To texts!!!....then this DLA comment we've been
Mates 11 years,I know she is a very jelous girl she will even admit to that and she has very selfish personality I guess I put up with it as I'm only 23 and most my friends dont have kids and I'm a bit boring,but she always stuck around! But I'd rather he lonely than be taken the piss out of!!!

Kesha321 Sun 16-Jan-11 16:23:15

Looool 5inthebed please do not tempt me to day that!!

purplepidjin Sun 16-Jan-11 16:35:46

Kesha, I'm 29 (no kids) and have friends of mixed ages - up to nearly 80. DP is 45.

Friends support you and age doesn't matter. Find yourself some support groups locally and meet other people who are either inthe same situation and can empathise or have been through it and can give sensible advice.

If you like, PM me the link to your facebook profile and I'll add you to a couple of groups on there smile

autumnsmum Sun 16-Jan-11 16:49:04

oh god you poor girl , im always being told my son is fine because he can speak and hes just spoilt, i totally sympathise and you dont sound boring at all

bullet234 Sun 16-Jan-11 17:19:55

1: She knows she overstepped the mark and telling you you're being overemotional is crass, insensitive and her way of trying to deflect "blame" back onto you. "It's not MY fault you can't take my little joke" is what she's implying. This has sod all to do with your "time of the month", so stop making excuses for her.

2: You can tell her that both my sons are firmly and clearly on the spectrum and both love hugs, though with Ds2 it's only with a selected few. In fact, with Ds1 at the moment the difficulty is to get him to stop hugging and kissing, because he literally leaps on you several times a day and hugs and kisses your cheek, whether the person is ready or not. We have to tell him sometimes to stop hugging and kissing his brother. And sometimes not, because sometimes Ds2 will happily hug him back.

TotalChaos Sun 16-Jan-11 18:34:09

Some childless people can be great and easier to be around as you dont get their kids achievements in your face all the time. Obv this lass is shallow as a puddle, i wld avoid her from now on

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