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Very rare for me - Struggling with some news

(12 Posts)
LollipopViolet Wed 12-Jan-11 11:38:44

Right, so this morning on the way to uni, my granddad broaches the subject of moving back to Essex after I graduateI. This is because we've got more family there that would help us out with my uncle's care once my grandparents were unable to.

Thing is, I REALLY don't want to go back there

I've got loads of friends where I am now, and also friends in Manchester (where I want to live/work). So, easy decision you think?

Well, I tried telling my granddad this, and he kept saying I'd have more opportunities to work in London, and could just come back on the train to see my mates. To make matters worse, I know my granddad will try and not move if one of us doesn't want to go

I obviously want what's best for my uncle, and he's already said to me before, I shouldn't change my plans on account of him. But I'm really torn. On the one hand, I could do it all by trains, but I'd probably need a hotel at least once a week, as a big group of my friends, I only see at ice hockey games in Manchester. I'd also be stuck in the family home again, and I was just gearing up to move out after uni.

I'd also be leaving my best friend H, who I've mentioned before. We were going to get a flat together. I'd ruin her plans too, and that seems unfair.

I'm close to tears right now, I really am struggling with this, so I'm going to email my course leader for a 1-1 tutorial and talk to him. Can't really tell anyone else in RL yet as it's only me and my granddad who know.

Thanks for listening...

CMOTdibbler Wed 12-Jan-11 11:42:36

You need to live your life for you - so if you want to stay in Manchester, get a flat with H etc, do that.

You get one life, so live it

LollipopViolet Wed 12-Jan-11 11:51:15

Yeah, I know, I just need to find my bossy side and TELL my parents I'm not going! I think the problem is, I can actually see their side, there is more work in the media industry down in London. I think, realistically, I'd be earning more down there, it's just the idea of uprooting again that's scaring me. Might see if I can spend some time with my family down there in the holidays, see if that sways me a bit.

coppertop Wed 12-Jan-11 12:10:26

There may well be more work in London but there's far more to your life than just work.

It really isn't fair for your grandad (however well-meaning) to put pressure on you like this. With the greatest respect to him, he's had a lifetime of being able to make decisions for himself. Now it's your turn to make some decisions about how you want to live your life.

TotalChaos Wed 12-Jan-11 12:14:48

although you'ld earn more down there, rents and transport would be loads more. also bear in mind that a lot of BBC seems to be imminently moving up to Manchester. If it doesn't work out up here, then you could always move in with them down in London.

bigcar Wed 12-Jan-11 12:15:23

oh that's hard lollipop sad but I think CMOT is spot on, you're only young once, make the most of it, and lots of other similar cliches grin

it doesn't have to be a permanent move to stay there, you may feel differently in a few years time, who knows. But for now where you are is good and is working for you.

starfishmummy Wed 12-Jan-11 13:30:11

Given the current situation regarding getting jobs, would you just be able to telkl everyone concerned (including your friend) that you need to try to get a job first and see where that islocated before making any firm plans about where you will be living.

UniS Wed 12-Jan-11 14:15:29

Manchester's a pretty good second in the country for media / media tech / arts tech work. AND its smaller working community than London, so maybe better for networking and building a career.

Would you hope to be financially independent from family once you graduate? If so, find a flat with H and give it a go.

purplepidjin Wed 12-Jan-11 14:41:12

Aw, Lolli, what a decision.

Could you perhaps compromise with your family - tell them you'd like the chance to branch out on your own, but you're going to give it a year and if you're really struggling then you'll move home?

Reassure them about who you'll be living with and where; how bills etc will be paid; what strategies you'll use in an emergency etc.

It's terrifying for parents when us kids fly the nest. But you do need to stretch your wings smile

LollipopViolet Wed 12-Jan-11 16:25:40

Right, I've had a think, and I've decided a few things:

1. At the moment, there's a long way to go, and a lot of job applications to do. So for now, although it's something I've got to think about, I've got deadlines looming and they need more of my time/effort/brainpower.
2. I'm aiming for Manchester first. <Folds arms, stamps foot> I feel more at home there, that is where I want to be!
3. If for whatever reason Manchester isn't an option straight away, I'll temporarily relocate and keep applying for stuff in Manchester (assuming I get a job down in London/Essex). If and when I get something in Manchester, I'll relocate again.
4. As and when it's common knowledge amongst the family and not just between 2 of us, I'm going to ask if I can go and stay with relatives in Essex for a week during my Easter break. I've got cousins who are a similar age to me, so I can get them to show me the social side, and see if that helps my decision

I do have the money to support myself, and I have enough saved that I could be unemployed for a few months before things got tight, but I'd rather have a job to start with.

Ah family, they mean well but they make your head hurt sometimes

auntevil Wed 12-Jan-11 17:07:22

Family often mean well, but they are not you and know how you feel. As you say, you have time and do not need to jump into any decisions. Even if you make a decision and it turns out to be not the right choice, you can change it.
You are young and it is exactly the right time to live and enjoy what you do. smile

LollipopViolet Thu 13-Jan-11 18:56:30

Right. Spoke to my granddad again, and basically told him I didn't want to go. He's said the family would all miss me and be very sad if I didn't at least TRY things out down there, and move to Manchester when I'm financially able and have contacts in industry, which would help with getting a job up there.

I've also looked at jobs and at the moment, the majority are based in London for post production/photography, the 2 areas I want to go into. So, I've decided, that I'm going to see where my work takes me, and if I have to wait a couple of years to live in Manchester, so be it.

I'm just worried about 2 things:
1. Making friends all over again - I've got friends here, and also friends I only see at the ice hockey (I did ask my granddad about getting to places like Basingstoke, Slough, Milton Keynes and Guildford, and apparently they're all doable by train, so I could go to away games to support my team and see those mates). And my railcard means it's not too much to come up and see other friends.

2. I had some help learning bus routes here from the council when I was about 16. If we go to Essex I'll be totally lost again, and if I'm working in London, I'd have to learn the Underground, and that scares me somewhat!

But, I'm seeing H on Sunday so can talk to her at least. Or convince her to come down south with me so I keep at least 1 friend! grin

Ah, life's full of surprises eh? Thanks everyone for your advice, I think because I'm in the midst of uni assessments now it's more of a shock than it would be otherwise!

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