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School a dead end socially for ds and me

(17 Posts)
TotalChaos Tue 11-Jan-11 16:32:20

Ds is in yr two at a small school a mile away. He has language delay and asd traits but no dx, so seems young for his age.The parents are standoff ish, a lot have grown up in same area etc, so wary of outsiders. Ds seems happy but has only been ionvited to one party in 3 years, and one playdate. School is small and caring so dont want to move him but want to improve his social life. I have v few mum friends locally, the nightmare pre school sn years put paid to that. All i can think of is putting him on waiting list for scouts. Any advice anyone? Tia

bullet234 Tue 11-Jan-11 16:36:07

Well you are always welcome to come down here for a visit. Or we can come and pester you. Realise it's not good for what your ds actually needs though, which is regular social contact.
Have you thought about beavers or Woodcraft folk for him, or do you think he wouldn't cope with them?

monkeyflippers Tue 11-Jan-11 17:04:49

Why don't you invite other kids to your house for playdates rather then hoping he will be invited by others. Also I would make more effort with the other parents. I know you say they are standoffish but perhaps that is how you appear to them as well.

TotalChaos Tue 11-Jan-11 17:35:38

I am quite shy and quiet, but a few others have said the same, its not just me being negative, honestly, i made one good friend there a few years ago but she moved to scotland. The one person i am prepared to approach has a newborn so dont want to bother her.

Thanks v much bullet will email you

Spinkle Tue 11-Jan-11 17:58:00

Sounds exactly like DS' school. I'm not a 'local' and they do not know my pedigree so I am highly suspect apparently. I am also a teacher in another local school, as is DH so they are even more wary.

I've given up worrying.

DS will do the social thing in his own time and I happen to think he's quite a nice kid despite his problems (ASD) so I'm not too bothered.

TotalChaos Tue 11-Jan-11 18:02:00

Spinkle, ds is v sociable and wants playdates, thats why i am feeling guilty. . .

TotalChaos Tue 11-Jan-11 18:02:06

Spinkle, ds is v sociable and wants playdates, thats why i am feeling guilty. . .

tabulahrasa Tue 11-Jan-11 18:35:55

I'd invite the child of the mother with the newborn round to play - taking an older child away to play at yours would be no hassle for her

zzzzz Tue 11-Jan-11 18:43:14

I thinkgetting into some clubs outside school can only be good long term and you will probably find that some of the kids from school go to so you get more exposure to their Mums as well. Think about swimming [my son loves this and does it in a normal class at the local leisure centre who are so inclusive it is like a hug]. Razzamataz whichis dance/drama runs on saturdays round the country and has a reputation for helping everyone join in. Afasic run some days/courses for sli kids which might give you some like minded Mums and him some down time with kids who are similar. Nas do days at the cinema where you can make as much noise/go in and out as you need in most big towns. Bowling and iceskating are difficult for us but we are planning to try it anyway [ds is unlikey to like it but he has surprised me before].
Trust me you are not the only Mum standing at the gates in a pool of silence, it is hard and it gives the wrong message to our little ones but what can we do? My son is 5 and has no dx but is probably sli, we see the pead again in a few months but every time I think it will come to a conclusion and every time it's wait and see.
He loves other children too, though luckily is unaware of playdates etc.
We are never invited anywhere. One playdate in 5 years.....

zzzzz Tue 11-Jan-11 18:44:12

Oh I would have loved to be invited out with a newborn!

TotalChaos Tue 11-Jan-11 19:02:42

Thanks ladies am full of a cold but once am less germy will invite sib of newborn

thanks v much for sharing zzzzzzz interesting to talk to @someone in same boat. Are u in nw at all, my ds loves younger kids

DayShiftDoris Tue 11-Jan-11 23:16:28

What the others re: sibling of newborn

Plus beavers is a good idea.

My son is having assessments etc at the mo but they are ?ASD / ADHD. We have similar problems socially.

I have a secret weapon... rugby. Seriously they are very inclusive - my son isn't very good but I take him every week and he is very much part of the team. He loves it and so do I wink.

Defo try rugby - it's non contact until they 9/10yrs

TotalChaos Wed 12-Jan-11 12:18:39

thanks dayshift. think you are right about finding a sports activity, DS loves PE etc at school. want to avoid football as it's likely to be v. competitive round here.

DayShiftDoris Wed 12-Jan-11 12:26:20

Football is very competitive and if they aren't very good they will never get a touch on the ball.

Rugby are very different, completely different atmosphere.
Scallypants has been going since May and it's just paying dividends now and there are times I have had to MAKE him go but it really has been worth it.

Apparently basketball is supposed to be good too.

TotalChaos Wed 12-Jan-11 15:38:16

A minor miracle. I approached sibling dad who invited ds to play at theirs today! Sibling parents are nice but dont wait at gate as got another pick up

doris, basketball sounds safer and warmer! Any views on martial arts!

zzzzz Wed 12-Jan-11 21:57:57

yay....judo is fun but not if you don't like contact....and it does smell like feet grin

Thecarrotcake Wed 12-Jan-11 23:25:09

A judo fan here too.

Ds doesn't like being grabbed.. But is fine in judo with it

Also Tiakwondo( sp).. Ds enjoys that too and doesn't mix the two up

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