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judgement day tomorrow!!

(24 Posts)
devientenigma Mon 10-Jan-11 22:45:38

Meeting with the head of education and the social workers to try and come up with strategies etc on how to get my ds back into school..............the school that is the only sld special school in the borough..........the school that doesn't really want him there and verbals don't match the written etc!!!

StartingAfresh Mon 10-Jan-11 22:50:30

Bang on about how they are going to motivate him to go there. How they are going to motivate him to stay there.

Not about force, punish etc etc.

lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs Mon 10-Jan-11 23:06:45

Good luck and give them hell

superfantastic Mon 10-Jan-11 23:16:16

Good luck!

devientenigma Mon 10-Jan-11 23:37:27

thanks and will do!! mind before I was ready to give up, esp when I have phoned around for help, private ed psycs etc to no avail.
Funnily enough SA we have just been on about motivation and how he has none!! I agree we don't want him forced. I also think they should take his issues seriously and he won't keep doing this if they help combat some of his issues.
You have just made me realise I must keep up the fight for him x

TheArsenicCupCake Mon 10-Jan-11 23:40:28

Good luck dev xx

StartingAfresh Mon 10-Jan-11 23:43:05

Be wary of them trying to give YOU strategies to get him there.

(it isn't a bad thing in itself but it is puting all the responsibility and blame onto you)

You want to know what strategies they are going to have in place to ensure it is a place he wants to go, and wants to be.

If they can do that, you won't have any problems will you? Just the odd day or two when he fancies a change like any other child.

So, be positive. Let them know right from the start that you will support them with any sound strategies that they will put in place at school for your ds NOT the other way round (unless you feel it is appropriate).

devientenigma Mon 10-Jan-11 23:56:49

Thankyou SA, I love the ensuring it is a place he wants to go and wants to be, this is so cruical to him as we have done all sorts this end and he still uses a load of avoidance, stalling and meltdowns saying he's scared all the time.
Cheers TACC x

tryingtokeepintune Tue 11-Jan-11 01:02:57

Good luck.

Watching this thread with interest as ds too refuses to go into schoool on some days. School's strategies have been to include one thing that he likes doing everyday to entice him in. Eg. sewing (which was actually to help find motor skills) or painting. They will select whatever he wants to sew, lay it all out for the next day etc. Also, allowing him to join in activities that other classes are doing etc. Works some days but not others though. He refused to go in today. Still lots of anxieties.

Start - good post.

brandy77 Tue 11-Jan-11 12:31:20

il be watching this also! my son is too scared to go in and at the moment after no attendance since 2 weeks before xmas i have taken him in for half hour for the last 2 mornings and sat in the library working with him. hes too scared to go in the classroom at the moment. the class teacher is being pushy about this but im sticking to my guns and told her today that if we rush him then its back to square 1 again, him attacking me in the mornings and not even being able to get him dressed. im sure the school think hes playing me up, he certainly isnt! good luck with your meeting.xx

andperseand Tue 11-Jan-11 12:53:27

Devient - been thinking of you, hope it has gone ok. My DS not been since September so watching with interest too.

Star - you have got it right, what are THEY going to do ... will remember that for my meeting with LEA next week grin

Brandy - glad you managed half an hour again today - do you have to stay with him (ie is that because that is what works best for him, or is it because they won't provide anyone else to be there with him)? They need to provide someone to sit with him and just spend time helping him be comfortable in that environment, never mind anything else for now. If they cannot do even that maybe get them to put that in writng for your appeal?

bigcar Tue 11-Jan-11 13:03:00

hope today went well smile

5inthebed Tue 11-Jan-11 13:10:59

Good luck! Hope it goes well for you.

justaboutmaintainingorder Tue 11-Jan-11 13:55:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brandy77 Tue 11-Jan-11 14:00:37

hi andperseand, no there isnt the staff to sit with him. the only way of getting my son to even attempt going in at the moment is for me to stay with him. he wouldnt stay there without me at the moment, took me loads of convincing to get him in and he clock watches for the half hour to be up sad i think im going to have problems tomorow as ive just made him do 4 very very easy adding up sums and hes now totally blanking me and very wobbly and told me he hates me. He has no confidence in his abiity whatsoever,ive probaby now made it worse for the morning, oh well!

I did ask the teacher/senco to write a short couple of paragraphs to include with the appeal and she said she will think on ithmm wether that meant yes she will or no she wont im not quite sure!

andperseand Tue 11-Jan-11 21:22:36

Devient, how did it go, are you ok?

devientenigma Wed 12-Jan-11 08:11:17

Thanks amper, feeling rather deflated at the minute. We have made a very small step, our head of ed is quite nice and he had already looked into home ed. So plan is get the consultant to write a note saying he's too anxious for school, then a home tutor will be provided. This is only short term with a view of getting him back into school. Yes the same school, can't find anything suitable, ie 2/3 kids per class, low stimulous, calm etc. However what I have said is if his fears are not rectified in school, all would be in vain. Head of ed has spoken to the school who states he has no problems when he's there!! Hence nothing to rectify.
Though like I said it's a small step. I have also added that although he's going back to a school whom we have proven to lie and be overly positive, I don't want to be part of it. aically when he's there out of sight out of mind, I don't want no home school book, telephone convo's, no parent's evening etc.What I have said is ds atitude, behavour, anxieties etc will diminish or change if the balance is right and he is enjoying school more, then and only then will I get involved with school, until then his behaviour etc is enough to deal with wihout the conflict and contradiction of different staff in school.
The OT decided to gatecrash the meeting to say he has achieved all his goals set for last term so he doesn't need their service any more!!

auntevil Wed 12-Jan-11 11:18:35

On the positive - a small step is at least a move in the right direction. Sorry it wasn't more positive from the schools point of view.
I'm assuming that your DS doesn't have issues of refusal about leaving the house to go to other environments. If so, why do the school refuse to accept any responsibility for ensuring that their environment is made to be as encouraging as possible?It drives me mad when the onus is always passed back to you to resolve.
I totally understand your frustrations with OT. My DS' s OT said the same. She said that his skills in the area she was working on were improving - which in fairness they were - but i asked about all the other areas that they needed to cover. Apparently not her remit. Had to go back through the referral again.
Its all like some horrible board game. Head of Ed agrees to look into home ed - move forward one space. School refuses to acknowledge that they are part of the problem - move back 6 spaces. Take a community support card - OT decided that goals are achieved - go back to start. It's a farce - sorry sad

devientenigma Wed 12-Jan-11 11:22:08

lol aunt, your board game made me laugh. Must just add he refuses to leave home to go to playscheme and the respite centre. Don't know if this has a change in opinion for you.

justaboutmaintainingorder Wed 12-Jan-11 12:07:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StartingAfresh Wed 12-Jan-11 13:08:47

Oh I love your board game analogy, perhaps you can start a cathartic thread at the weekend asking people to help you design one - or I will wink

auntevil Wed 12-Jan-11 16:53:20

What i was wondering Devient, was whether he was agoraphobic (couldn't think of the word at the time, and not sure of the spelling now!). I think we all at times have to explain why we're going out, where to , why, how we're getting there, how long it will take etc, etc, but we do get them out. I was just thinking that if your DS went out of the house for some events, then it was not the outside world that was the scary/difficult aspect, but rather the place that he was going to. Is there a common thread between playscheme, respite and school? They are all institutions? Very non home. Similar staff? Similar activities? Similar buildings? I was just thinking that if you can get your DS to go to the park/swimming/shops/eating out - add your own list - that as a parent, getting your DS out of the house for activity is not the problem - getting him to THEIR school is, therefore the problem has to be shared with them.
Starting - a board game thread would be good. Please please all i really want to know is how to win it! grin

StartingAfresh Wed 12-Jan-11 16:56:53

Hmmm, well perhaps we could set up the Statutory Assessment Championships and analyse the moves of the winners!?

auntevil Wed 12-Jan-11 17:16:07

Ooh, don't get me started - we could have a SN olympics - lets face it, there would be some serious contenders for the hurdles we all have to go through.

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