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I feel like de-registering the kids ...what would you do?

(21 Posts)
linksandsmileys Sun 09-Jan-11 17:41:15

I have 2 DC - a 5 and 7 year old. DS1 has Aspergers.

It has been aa constant battle to get any kindd of prrovision for DS and even with a statement on the way and numerous reports before the school, he still gets virtuallly no support. They don't know what to do and don't demonstrate the will to do anything by learning about DS or his condition.

We have decided to move out of the area. The schools are awful - driven by the 11+ and very traditional - and house prices are bonkers.

If we moved somewhere else we could afford a much bigger house, with a bigger garden and woould avoid the 11+ stupidity. People end up busing their kids out of area to avoid the seccondaries.

DS is already flexi-schooling and every day there seems to be another stupid little battlle which demonstrates school's lack of committment to DS and his needs.

I'm tired and pissed off with it all so I''m seriously thinkingof taking the kids out and getting my life back until we can make a move. I work at home so it would be difficult but I wouldn't be beholden to a bunch of full of themselves twats who don't give a toss about my son.

Am I mad? How wouldit afffect statementing?

Am I being irresponsible and self-indulgent or would I be taking control back?

The boys would be happy to ddo it.

DameEdnaBeverage Sun 09-Jan-11 17:47:43

No I don't think you're mad but not sure how it would affect the statementing. I feel so like you - every day's a battle. Hoping that there's no problem and that ds will come out of school smiling - he rarely does. I have to work though so home ed is out of the question. Sounds like a lot more pro's than con's though. Know what you mean about taking control back too - what's the point of all the fighting if at the end of it you're really no further forward,just worn out by it all.
Anyway I would say go for it. Do you have a dh and is he happy to move?

StartingAfresh Sun 09-Jan-11 17:49:30

No, you're not mad. It is a legitimate option in a failing system.

I think it is a brave thing to do, but then so is handing your child's education to people who aren't willing to meet his needs.

TBH it sounds like you are taking control of it all. It is a temporary move/solution so the best of all worlds really and you will be able to truly weigh up the advantanges and disadvantages.

If the kids are up for it, and you are up for it then I'd go for it. Bet you'll all have a whale of a time! smile

StartingAfresh Sun 09-Jan-11 17:50:37

I don't think the statement will be removed, just that the LA will no longer be accountable for it.

HOWEVER, I think you might be able to get the 'additional' stuff still, like SLT or OT if it is on there.

moondog Sun 09-Jan-11 17:55:34

I (speaking as part of 'the system') feel that a lot of what is purportedly on offer to kids with SN is a waste of time and energy. However before considering withdrawing a child from school p/t or f/t it's important for parents to realsie that mixing with other people-even those you don't necessarily agree with or share the smae values with-is part of life and living.

Once you start 'opting out' it becomes frighteningly easy to find fault with more and more and end up living a completely parallel life to everyone else.

linksandsmileys Sun 09-Jan-11 18:06:41

Thanks guys. Sorry about typos above. It's the crazy laptop I was using!

I would try and do this just as a temporary measure until we can agree proper provision for DS and a decent school.

I'm sure this will take several more months of wrangling and I frankly can't face the death march to school every bleeding day!

What would be the position if you moved counties before statement while challenging the statement?

My plan is:

1. Identify where to move to - either my dream place if DH can work from home and can take job with him, or backup place over county border if he can't

2. Identify school

3. Move

This is the plan we intend to pursue - I need to decide whether I should leave kids where they are while I put it into action and this largely depends on statementing process I suppose (although, as you know Star, I haven't named a school as yet anyway)

linksandsmileys Sun 09-Jan-11 18:14:34

Moondog, I agree with you and I am a very sociable type myself so I like to see people and be involved with school life. But, last week, after struggling in the corridor, alone, to get DS into class on his first day, I found out he got kept in during break for not writing enough.

Yes, my son with Asperger's and Ehlers-Danlos, who finds it hard to grasp a pen and is being schooled part-time, wasn't writing fast enough for them. Was he misbehaving? I asked the teacher. No, he and a few others were 'too slow paced and need to learn to speed up'.

This is a child who is going to have to be trained to use a lap top according to his statement.

He then gets threatened with a red card for not recording in is reading record book that he had read some of reading book for homework.

Then, the SALT who assessed him for the SA (who I have fought to keep involved) tells me that she sent her IEP targets to school in Oct and asks how he is getting on. There is no social skill/communication provision. It was there during the SA but disappeared soon after. I've not had an IEP meeting or seen the targets.

Thankfully, she's agreed to come in next week to chase. But that is another three months where nothing as been done.

So, Moondog, I don't want to end up living a parallel life, but I kind of think I am already! Or is just no life!

moondog Sun 09-Jan-11 18:50:45

I know what you mean.
What a bummer. sad

Agnesdipesto Sun 09-Jan-11 19:37:00

Read this info on home ed and sen. You can ask for support at home to make home ed suitable eg SALT and OT.

linksandsmileys Sun 09-Jan-11 19:54:15

Thanks Agnes.

Agnesdipesto Sun 09-Jan-11 20:00:17

You are welcome.
I have to say since we have had ABA and have not had to deal with any professionals other than ABA for 2 months life has been bliss.My stress levels are way down.

linksandsmileys Sun 09-Jan-11 20:24:15

It takes away all sense of control doesn't it? We had a great time at xmas and it makes you realise that it's school that causes the stress in your life - DS I can handle! Even the LA I can handle! But the constant sense of being ground down with the petty crap of telling people basic stuff to do with your child or requesting them to do something any deccent teacher would do without asking, is just corrosive.

mariamagdalena Sun 09-Jan-11 22:13:07

Blimey Agnes. Great link.

linksandsmileys, I would be considering keeping the dc registered but having enough unauthorised absences to worry the school. And make absolutely sure he's in on the days they do the sats wink. Also perhaps consider strategically removing some of the scaffolding which you provide to enable your ds1 to cope despite the terrible school. Imagine if the school were paying for the 1-1 support that you're giving him by flexi-schooling. And the hours of after-school psychological support, and fighting against the negative impact of this school on all his non-academic skills.

He'd probably manage so much better with home ed that there's a real risk of the education problems becoming invisible. Since medical issues don't count unless they impair education, there would be a major risk of statement provision being harmed. And a revised statement of 'no-real-needs' isn't one you'd want to carry to the next county.

I guess the other alternative is to get independent evidence of how awful things are with 27h of his current school, and compare in a few months to get evidence of how great things are with home ed plus as much football/beavers/drama etc that you can get him into (cos 5 days/week of afterschool stuff would be fine for dc not in school!)

StartingAfresh Sun 09-Jan-11 22:28:00

Actually, I agree with M. Is your private EP due yet? Get him to go in and slate the school, then use this as the reason for removing him iyswim.

StartingAfresh Sun 09-Jan-11 22:30:01

Sorry, that was TERRIBLY worded.

I mean, remove him if the EP suggests (As he/she well might) that they are having difficulty meeting his needs.

No-one can really argue with that then.

linksandsmileys Sun 09-Jan-11 22:32:35

Thanks Maria. He has SpLD too which I suppose 'helps' as they won't disappear with home education! I completely take your point on this though because all the anxiety issues would be reduced. He does have real problems with managing communication and physical difficulties like hypermobility too which he will always clearly need support for.

It is so hard as I want to do the right thing for him but it is so clear that this is the wrong place for him that he goes each morning against my better judgment. This means that, although it would make the point, there is no way I can reduce the level of support he is getting from me as he'll end up school refusing and I can't manage this and a 5 year old every morning.

I frankly couldn't stand the thought of the EWO being sent to patronise and blame me no matter how difficult that makes things for the school.

linksandsmileys Sun 09-Jan-11 22:40:14

Star that wouldn't work. Our EP has seen DS and said he clearly wasn't thriving and suggested he needed a special school. She didn't see him in school but at her offices. I think it would take alot for a private EP too suggest a child is removed from a school.

And, anyway, school lies. Every time. They have done this to everyone who has ever gone in. They get all shiney and lovely and start lying about all the stuff they say they do but they don't. It's a pile of crap.

I have made it clear that I am flexi-schooling BECAUSE of school's lack of provision. That was put in writing two months ago. I have told the LA this. That would of course be the reason for removing him if I chose to do this for a temporary period. My community paed, hypermobility team and GP also know why this has been done.

StartingAfresh Sun 09-Jan-11 22:54:06

Oh no, an EP wouldn't suggest removal from school, but you could decide to remove from school out of shock at what an EP said iyswim.

StartingAfresh Sun 09-Jan-11 22:55:58

I removed ds after the EP visit to preschool (I know it was only preschool) because quite frankly what he said really DID shock me.

I knew it wasn't great there, but I had no idea how neglectful they were being (totally unintended however, they were lovely people just clueless).

linksandsmileys Sun 09-Jan-11 23:18:50

Yes, I see what you mean. I turned to flexischooling as a result of our visit to the EP as her comments made me quite shocked. She felt he was clearly being 'damaged'.

I have just handed in the EP report to school, but they will ignore that as they do every other thing I hand in. They are just waiting to see what they're told they have to do in a statement but we made it clear to the LA that we are looking elsewhere as his needs are not being met. We even spent some time with the LA talking about schooling options.

So, suppose if I removed him pending making that choice, and having him placed elsewhere, there would not be a great deal of argument if it were only a few months.

tryingtokeepintune Mon 10-Jan-11 00:19:43

Gosh linksandsmileys the lying part etc. sounds like ds's school. However, I have to be fair because his present CT is lovely - although clueless. I am thinking of homeschooling or flexischooling too. Like you, just observing ds this weekend, after 3 days of school - he has urinated on the floor 3 times today, threw something in the loo etc. We had one incident over Christmas and that was at the start of the hols. Today, absolutely refused to read his words or do his numicom and spent a lot of time by himself. Over the hols, he hung out in the kitchen. School charmed our EP until I pointed out to her that everything they put in has been in the past 3 months and ds has been in the school for 4 years.

I think I'd do what Maria suggested about enough absences. That way, he can go to school for the social bit and I can educate him at home.

Agnes - thanks for the link.

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