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SN children

Can I do an AIBU in here where I won't get flamed?

14 replies

FrostyTheCrunchyFrog · 14/12/2010 17:52

Kind of a tricky situation today.

DS1 was in his school play.

He was poked, prodded, licked, grabbed around the neck, hugged and generally bothered by the small boy next to him. He smiled and laughed initially, but it quickly became not funny. I warned the teacher that he was likely to hit or possibly head butt the other child, she said she would do something.

The next performance (I went to both due to being quite worried after the first one) he came in worried, was seated in the same place, and was quite worried and upset, as the same behaviours were meted out to him. Luckily, he didn't hit or kick - admirable restraint IMO, not sure even most NT kids would put up with that for 30 mins. Nobody did anything, I couldn't catch anyone's eye, and at the very end the two boys were BOTH removed from the stage in disgrace.

DS1 is really quite upset, was already in a constant state of minor meltdown due to Xmas, snow etc. Tonight he is totally hair trigger, kicking off over absolutely nothing.

Tricky bit. Tne other child also has SN. He has an assistant. I don't know details, I shouldn't know that much. IMO, that's irrelevant, if he has known issues then the staff should be managing his behaviour - my concern is my son, who has HFA, and who was pushed to his limits today. DS1 does not have a statement, although I am starting the process, and have been particularly galvanised by today. Clearly, the teacher is just expecting him to cope. .

AIBU to write in and request a meeting to complain? It was "only" a play, the other child has SN, he wasn't physically hurt. But I feel that it's very symptomatic- I don't know if they think I am lying or deluded, but my son is completely unsupported in school. (That's at the equivalent of SA+.)

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FrostyTheCrunchyFrog · 14/12/2010 18:56

Scratch that, just done bath time, poor little sod covered in scratches on both arms.

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LunarRose · 14/12/2010 19:13

:( didn't want you to go unanswered, think you would be totally right in speaking to the school, for what it's worth if I was the mum of the other child I'd have wanted something done as well. Good luck.

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QueenGigantaurofMnet · 14/12/2010 19:17

I would be going tribal over the fact that your son was being harrassed and then removed from teh stage.

I would be telling them just what a negative effect it has had on him and that is this really the idea the want children picking up? that if you are the victim of a bully you too will be punished?

the other childs Sn is irrelevant. if he was on a stage doing these things then his TA will have seen and should have acted.

YANBU

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StarlightWonderStarlightBright · 14/12/2010 19:38

Can you get good pictures of his arms?

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FrostyTheCrunchyFrog · 14/12/2010 19:54

I have done.

He also has a bruise mark on his neck.

I think my only option is to take him out until they can assure me that he is safe.

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FrostyTheCrunchyFrog · 14/12/2010 19:57

If he had been NT, he would have screamed, or cried, or moved, or SOMETHING, he just sat there and took it because he was being "good."

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Spinkle · 14/12/2010 20:03

Oh. My. Goodness.

What teacher in their right mind would put 2 SN kids together without an assistant or teacher nearby? or even between?

AND - having seen the behaviour first time round would they then let it be repeated?

Yes, you must go into the school and discuss this.

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ohmeohmy · 14/12/2010 20:14

Definitely speak to the school. They have a duty of care to your son. My ds was being regularly attacked by another boy (both have SN) initially I was quite blase, these things happen kind of attitude. Then he got punched in the face. DH went ballistic at the school and they have put measures into place to keep them apart and ds safe. And they are a lovely caring school, I know this boy moves fast and can't always be stopped but it was too often too hard.

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ouryve · 14/12/2010 20:23

I would speak to the school. Are the boys often put together because of their SN? (I know someone who works with one of my boys recently had an idea to put him in an activity with another boy with similar difficulties, thinking they had a lot in common and I'm glad she ran the idea past me first because DS can't stand to be anywhere near this other boy and becomes very upset in his presence.)

And it's totally unfair to punish your son when he's the one being bullied :(

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bullet234 · 14/12/2010 20:39

The school have behaved appallingly. And as a parent whose Ds1 has a tendency to behave like the other lad, with the exception of the poking and the licking I would have wanted the school to intervene with him before the performance, or at least as soon as it became clear he was not able to settle or understand the boundaries.

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purplepidjbauble · 14/12/2010 21:34

That's outrageous, the other child should have been removed immediately. It may have been only a play that you saw, but you have no way of telling whether this happens in class, at playtime etc. Where was the other child's 1:1? They should have been watching the childclosely, not letting the entire audience watch him misbehave like that.

Your DS and the other child have not learned anything useful from this experience. Your DS has been shown that he can be as "good" as he can be (far beyond the tolerance of anyone else) and yet still get into trouble. The other child, more dangerously, has learned that this behaviour is ok.

Kick up a stink, you are well within your rights.

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mariagoretti · 16/12/2010 16:36

Was anyone videoing the play?

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starfishmummy · 16/12/2010 17:14

Oonly just sewn this. Agree with others that the other child's behaviour was not acceptable. It is bullying and should be treated as such: that the other boy has sn is irrelevant. It is still bullying. Show the tea her your pictures of the injuries and agree Maria - can you remember if any parents were taking videos.?

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FrostyTheCrunchyFrog · 17/12/2010 07:42

Thanks for replies. I know people were videoing but not quite sure who, will ask around. I kept him off school yesterday and day before, and emailed asking for a meeting. But school is closed now due to snow, so they are off the hook until January!

I rang his OT, she is going in to school in the new term, and also spoke to his ASD SALT, who is going to re-word her report that was coming anyway, to further emphasise DS1's difficulties, as they are clearly so hidden at school he is unsupported. They were both wonderful on the phone too, nice to have good people on side!