Im spared the problems of one American mother I read about whose fully-grown autistic son insists on dressing as a green fairy, complete with taffeta wings.
That made me laugh my head off! - that's going to be ds2, I just know it is!
but on a serious note - it does make you think. I know as my 2 are approaching the teenage years I am thinking of their adult life, levels of independence they are likely to have - whether they'll ever find love...
My DH has put aside money each month as a 'leaving home please' fund. My DS1 has told us that he is never leaving home. He might get a job, but he will always live with us. I think it might be true - even my DH is coming round to that idea. Doesn't stop him saving though - just in case!
I thought this article was really well written, its so hard to find anything on older children. auntevil - ds2 has said he wants to live in our house forever. when he is a man, we will be the ones who have to move out apparently
DS is 16 and has never socialised with friends he doesn't have any all the kids here hate him We don't know what will happen when we cant manage anymore but to be honest DS has come on so much in the last year that he doesn't need much looking after he has his moments when he can get really violent, can't wash his hair himself, and has to be told to get a shower, has to lifted out of bed because he'll not get up. But once he's awake as long as he's got his meals he's fine just needs someone in the house to supervise him so he doesn't do anything silly. DD1 has said she'll always be there for him but I can't expect that of her. He has said if he leaves home hes taking his wall with him because DD1 painted a Star Wars mural on it 5 years ago.
my 11 yo dtr has cried before when asking who was going to look after her brother when I am dead. My response was honest, 'I don't know' and she told me that she would always look after him. I wish the bastards who fail to make provision or provide services to give our children half a chance at getting by were a fraction as compassionate. Sorry, in an angry mood as listening to the debate on uni fees...
I think i'm kind of hoping that i can instil enough genuine love for each other that they will all support each other as they are older. Life is very fickle. My NT brother couldn't --poke his nose in-- care for mum often enough when he was single and living in this country. Now she has dementia i'd be surprised if he makes contact more than once a year - mainly to talk money, or how bad he feels about not being able to do more. This country as a society doesn't know the half of how little care is given. I don't think it's always that they don't care, just they don't know the emotional impact of no support, not knowing what support will be on going, who will help when you can't, etc. It's quite often those that have been through similar situations, or whose parents did, that understand and offer help.