DS2 has an overbearing friend. WWYD?

[5ElvesMooningSanta]

It has come to light that DS2 (5, autism) has a very overbearing friend at school (MS). Lets call her J (AFAIK she is NT).

When I picked DS2 up on Friday he said J had smacked him across the face. DS1 then said that he has seen J doing it a few times.

Now ds2 has a full time 1:1, and she had never mentioned it, so took it up with her yesterday as was concerned it was happening when she took her lunch break (even though she is meant to be covered). She said she new nothing of it, but would look into it.

When I collected him yesterday, she came over as she usually does with him and mentioned he had been scratched across his face by J. This happened when she took her lunch break. She said she looked into what I said, and it would appear J has been very controlling of DS2 when she isn't there, quite possesive of him when he wants to play with his normal friends and hits out at him if he leaves her.

Now I've seen DS2 and J together, normally going in or out of school and she always says hello to him, he gets quite excited seeing her and they walk holding hands. So I was quite shocked that she has been ike this with him.

I need to ask this 1:1 why he isn't being supervised when she isn't there, or who is looking after him. I will be voicing my concerns that she is being violent with him, so they must be being left to get like that.

I'm also unsure of this friendship. WWYD? Is this normal 5 year old girl behaviour? Should I just allow the teachers to handle this?

[purplepidjbauble]

I think you need to kick the teachers up the bum to make them handle it! No child should be "getting away" with hitting another, surely?

[5ElvesMooningSanta]

I don't think she is getting away with it, the 1:1 said she was given a red card, which is the schools way of dealing with it. I just don't like how it is only happening when she isn't there. She is meant to be being covered by another TA.

FFS I thought he was getting 1:1 to help him at school I certainly don;t want it to be to protect him from this as well :(

[purplepidjbauble]

That sucks, they seem to be failing in their duty of care by not providing adequate supervision.

While he needs to be supervised 1:1 by them, are there some strategies that will work for him that you can role play and practise at home?

For example; J comes up to him in the playground. DS says he wants to play with his other friends today. J says No, you're playing with me. DS goes to the teacher on duty. You could then agree a code word or phrase for him to use to indicate that this girl is getting on his tits and he'd quite like her to piss off now before she mauls him again.

PS, My exact words may not be entirely suitable for a 5y/o

[anonandlikeit]

It is possible that someone was watching him, maybe just not reacted quickly enough or a few feet away perhaps. 5yr olds are quick.
I agree it has to be stopped & the girl needs to have her smothering instincts (& her aggression) sorted but just wanted to say that even with f/t 1 to 1 things like this can happen.

[starfishmummy]

I think I would ask what they are doing to make sure that this other child is not getting the opportunity to hurt your DS; rather than being punished if she does it.

[5ElvesMooningSanta]

Thanks for the replies, spoke to the 1:1 and he is getting 1:1 when she isn't there. it's just that when they are playing it happens.

There are other issues with the girl that the 1:1 couldn't discuss with me (obviously) but she said that it is getting monitored.

[MadameSin]

I think the 1:1 has answered your questions really ... the fact that there are issues with the girl they are monitoring. The best thing they can do is keep her away from your ds.