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hi, newbie in need of opinions, please..

(28 Posts)
deneasels Sun 28-Nov-10 19:50:41

Hi, My name is Denice and I have a son aged 6.5 with HFA.
I have recently began to have some questions about my daugther aged 4.5...She has always been very shy and struggled terribly in social settings when there is an expectation on her to be involved. She is fine running around with her brother and people she knows very well, but gets upset by lots of noise or when people she is unsure of, especially children her age talk to her.
Looking back, when a toddler, if another child came up to her she would cry and couldnt cope at all.
When her birthdays in the past at aged 2 and 3 she couldnt cope with a small family party as attention was on her and an expectation to perform crippled her and she would not come out of my lap or a close grandparent.
She also seems to really struggle with differentiate between tv and reality..i.e please can we go to peppa pigs castle mummy...she really doesnt get the 'fiction' bit.
She is very literal, doesnt understand teasing and gets very upset if you say things liks, you are a monkey etc...i am not, I am a girl etc.
she is very literal, articulate speech, extrodinary memory...and appears wells beyond her years in noticing details..
The more I write...
I was starting to question whether she has aspergers>?? I know this comes out differently in girls...she LOVES her dolls and her own imaginary play with them...

Any opinions greatly respected and welcome please....

Thanks in advanced!

USoRight Sun 28-Nov-10 20:00:55

If your son didn't have HFA would you be asking these questions about DD? It may be that your radar is set high and this has made you wonder and worry?

Your DD does not sound particularly different in her development, if maybe a bit shy, but in view of the possible genetic link with ASD I would ask for an assessment - but I gather the diagnosis of AS is not made this early, more like 7 y.o. Would the paed looking after your DS do this following a referral from the GP? Does DD attend nursery or a playgroup. Would someone there discuss whether they notice any differences between DD and her peers?

deneasels Sun 28-Nov-10 20:09:17

Good point..I think if ds didn't have a diagnosis, we might wonder whether she had an anxiety problem and extreme social shyness, but might think she is very young.
She attends a montessori and she is in thier words 'stressed' there...doesnt understand the girls play of one minute friends, the next not. Worries alot, doesnt want to sit and eat with anyone, and they are a bit confused over the things she worries about i.e not being able to turn a tap on, getting things wrong...
At home and with good friends, she is loud, expressionate, confident, controlling every element of play, bossy and a strong leader on her terms...distraut if it isnt 'her way'.
No challenging bahaviour, a gorgeous, highly empathetic girl and a beautiful person...In public, very quiet, soft voice and will avoid interation unless on her comfort zone.

I question my radar and am a bit 'jury out'..

Really appreciate your comments,

thanks smile x

IndigoBell Sun 28-Nov-10 20:46:30

If you are concerned enough to post on here, I think you should talk to your GP and get a referral to the paed.

She definately could have Aspergers.

But the only way to find out will be to talk to a professional about her.....

It's very hard and heartbreaking to have to go through all this again. But getting the wheels in motion is still the right thing to do....

Good luck.

ArthurPewty Sun 28-Nov-10 21:00:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArthurPewty Sun 28-Nov-10 21:02:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

deneasels Sun 28-Nov-10 21:06:01

Thanks for your comments x I am not sure whether I want to bury my head in the sand or go through that roller coaster journey of questions and over analysing...It has really helped my son and I know it would her if this is the case...arghhh, thought she was not going to have the stress of 'difference'...
Thanks, I really appreciate some objective comments and thoughts....good to hear from people that understand and not look at her or us strangely...


deneasels Sun 28-Nov-10 21:11:31

Thanks Leonie, she dresses dollies, and yes thinking about it, just mimicks her daily life. No tea parties or anything like that. Puts them to bed, feeds them, school, changes clothes etc.
She is so like her brother without his speech issues and i suppose for a while I have questioned learnt behaviour, but she is getting older and her social issues are of course becoming more apparent...
Family are beginning to question and not quite sure what they think. She is so different from my son, yet their minds work very simliar...thank you, lots of food for thought. Not sure whether to sit on for a while or to speak to paed...

ArthurPewty Sun 28-Nov-10 21:24:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

deneasels Sun 28-Nov-10 21:27:23

Thank you x x

mumslife Sun 28-Nov-10 21:39:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

deneasels Mon 29-Nov-10 06:39:50

Sounds just like her mumslife, thanks x

lisad123isgoingcrazy Mon 29-Nov-10 08:11:18

Usoright, i would be quite upset by our comment having heard it from proffessionals. Yes radars are set higher but for good reason most of the time.

deneasels, I have 2 DDs, DD1 has HFA and is very simular in situation that you describe your dd. She hates the unknown, will never make a decision because she always wants to get it right, has fears about being wrong, not knowing what people will do/say, is very quiet with people and places she doesnt know. She has very little imagination, and relates everything to what she sees in life.
She is a wonderful talker and very clever. She has other food and sensory issues too.

DD2 is currently being assessed and she is a different kettle of fish all together. She is hypo most days, can be volient but has major problems if someone tell her shes a girl. DH called her choo choo yesterday and it took ages to calm her down. She is clearly, imo more apsie than DD1 but again it was picked up early because of DD1 (who was dx at 6years old)

I would start a diary and speal to your sons pead about seeing her. DD1 pead was more than happy to see dd2 and we got seen quite quickly too.


deneasels Mon 29-Nov-10 09:15:16

Thank you Lisa! Hubbie not keen on going down the dx route with her(?) He feels she copes fine and doesnt see the benefit...It took ages to get him to see DS1 had ASD and it was very obvious....preferring to run up and down at parks and places staring at the walls and hedges...spinning the wheels on his puschair until his heart was content..light switches, extreme obsessions and communication issues. I guess because DD doesnt show these 'obvious' signs, although he believes she is on the spectrum or quite probable, he doesnt seen the benefit of dx. For me I question, but at least you get an answer and it stops the questions and analysing...and at least well meaning people will treat her shyness and anxieities with a little more understanding...Might drop the paed a email and see what she thinks.
Thank you so much, it is very hard isnt it to know which path to take.
d x

lisad123isgoingcrazy Mon 29-Nov-10 09:26:24

we have gone for dx route, mainly because you get no help in our area without one, but also because girls with ASD, their problems because more as gthey get older. DD1 was fine until she started school and then it all fell apart. DD2 goes to a special Autistim pre school which she loves.

Girls with ASD have a lot fo difficulties with depression and low self esteem as they grow and of course there is a the social thing too. DD1 knows she Autistic and its help herunderstand why she feel different to her friends and has calmed things down alot.

Let me know if i can help in anyway. Where abouts are u in UK?

ArthurPewty Mon 29-Nov-10 09:34:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

deneasels Mon 29-Nov-10 10:13:35

Good point, hard to hear but thank you, needed to hear this x x

We are in Kent.
Me and Hubby going to have to chat a bit more...maybe in new year...

Really appreciate your thoughts, my in laws feel i have a high radar BUT i agree, its there for a reason, and it has never failed me me before...

)) x

mumslife Mon 29-Nov-10 12:14:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

USoRight Mon 29-Nov-10 12:53:42

Hi. After reading about your DD in subsequent posts regarding her behaviour, particularly at nursery, it sounds as though there is more of a problem than the first post would suggest. She sounds as though she would benefit hugely from early intervention particularly when she starts school. With her excellent language skills and relatively good social skills in environments she is comfortable in, I feel sure she will do well if she is supported properly at school.

I know how your DH feels about labelling DD, men are often in denial for a bit longer than women, but they come round in the end! It is a difficult road getting a diagnosis as you know, but the fact that you have asked here for advice, I suppose, shows you are already thinking about it. Really hope your little new year chat goes well, your DD sounds a delightful sweet little girl.

ArthurPewty Mon 29-Nov-10 12:55:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

USoRight Mon 29-Nov-10 12:59:11

PS. I did read recently that lots of problems that occur, not only with children but with adults with dementia etc as well as everyday issues, end up in 'crisis management'. Instead if problems are anticipated and structures put into place before the crisis occurs, situations are managed and crises averted! This may be a bit of a persuasive argument with DH for the future! Men like practical!

youtalkingtome Mon 29-Nov-10 13:01:28

Sounds exactly like me as a child. I do now think I have mild AS but it was never diagnosed.

I've been ok but found many things - life in general especially social stuff - painfully difficult until I was at least late twenties.

If there are things that can help her, if we make the optimistic assumption that a dx would facilitate that, then why not?

My DS is en route to assessment, my guess is ASD. Obviously this has got me analysing my own characteristics a little.

youtalkingtome Mon 29-Nov-10 13:03:24

Oh yes and huge depression problems for me. I'd love to think of that being avoided or made a bit better for a similar little girl.

deneasels Mon 29-Nov-10 15:41:47

Thank you all so much!! I am just overwhelmed by so many people responding, all with such helpful comments.

I was talking to some mums at the home education group we go to (we home educated as you probably guess for group) and hearing about the siblings girls to ASD dx older brothers...hummm, fascinating.

I have emailed DS's paed and put a few lines suggesting possible issues so I think for our little gorgeous gilr, its not able the label, its about what she can access as she grows up to keep her self esteem high and possible depressions out....

I shall not tell hubby about email (he is wonderfully supportive and had HUGE denile with DS, bless him) until an apt come forward. These things can take months hey as we know.

Its the getting the questioning out of my head that I need. I remember this with my DS, they wanted to dx him at 3 years old and we resisted until 5 years...was best thing for him, not that he gets anything in particular, but people and family understand him more and are less harsh on his shyness and less anxious themselves. Answers are sometimes very calming once the dust settles.

Huge thanks, havent been able to talk to anyone about this one, so really appreciate this board!
D x

deneasels Mon 29-Nov-10 15:43:08

terrible spelling, should have checked that first! dx

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