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Cubs and Bullying

(16 Posts)
IndigoBell Tue 23-Nov-10 21:05:59

DS (age 10) has come home (again) from Cubs really upset.

He says he's being bullied by X, a child who he's had a long history with.

Can't decide whether to tell him to quit or what. I've already spoken to the Leader about it, but really I don't there is much anyone can do about X.

I think Cubs is brilliant for DS, and he enjoys most of it. But is it worth it to get this upset every week??????

He says he wants to quit. But then when I said he could quit, he wasn't so sure....

I don't want him to make the decision, because that is just going to put even more stress on him, so I want to make the decision for him.

What would you guys do?

USoRight Tue 23-Nov-10 22:58:40

Is it worth trying to talk to the parents? From personal experience it was usually useless but you might actually get a reasonable set of parents!

IndigoBell Wed 24-Nov-10 08:35:12

I don't know the parents, or where he lives. Otherwise I would go round and talk to them.

I think we might have a break for a few weeks, and then try again.....

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 24-Nov-10 09:06:08

Did your son say anything during this evening to the Scout master about X bullying him again?.

Would not bother speaking to the parents even if you knew them as it would be a wasted effort. (I could just imagine the response from his doting mum and dad who both never says no to their child; my boy is not a bully, he is an angel and would not hurt a fly!).

Presumably x is at school with your boy as well?.

I'd be speaking to the Scout leader again and demand tough action against the child concerned. Its not right that your child is coming out upset. The other child should be booted out if he cannot behave. If no joy with the Scout master complain to the county commissioner or whoever is in charge of the scout movement in your area.

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 24-Nov-10 09:08:48

www.scouts.org.uk/bullying

You may want to show the above to the Scout master as well.

IndigoBell Wed 24-Nov-10 09:33:14

Thanks Attila!

That link is brilliant.

I now feel strong enough to say to the leader that Scouts have a strong anti-bullying policy, and I expect him to deal with X. (And I now know that there is someone 'higher' I can escalate it to if necessary...)

They don't go to the same school anymore as we moved DS. But when they were at the same school X was regularly excluded from going to after school activities that DS did.

You are right about his Mum thinking that X is a little angel....

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 24-Nov-10 09:42:40

You're very welcome.

Hope you get this sorted out.

Rememer those that can do, those that can't bully.

maryz Wed 24-Nov-10 09:43:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IndigoBell Wed 24-Nov-10 10:09:39

Thanks Mary,

I'm going to get this sorted! For DS's sake. So that he knows that if he talks to me things improve

I have always been very open with Cubs about Alex's ASD. I don't know if X has (undiagnosed?) SN or not - but he's always 'been a handful'.

I guess my expectations aren't high enough - there is no way I would know how to deal with this bully, so I feel like nothing can be done. But you are right. It is the leaders (volunteer) job to look after the kids, and they have to do that.

The bullying is mostly verbal, although at summer camp it got physical. Luckily DS is very tough physically and with that high pain threshold stands up well in a fight grin

But the teasing is very upsetting to him. And it's really quite nasty stuff. Put it this way the stuff he was saying was so nasty that even his old useless school was forced to act on it.....

Maybe it's just got worse 'cause they are now the eldest kids at Cubs. In a few months when they go up to Scouts and are the youngest I'm not sure if X will still have the confidence to pick on DS.

maryz Wed 24-Nov-10 10:23:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IndigoBell Wed 24-Nov-10 11:01:17

I think it will be easier to sort out in Scouts. I don't think any of the elder scouts will put up with the littlest one acting like a prat...... (Surely, they'll reserve that privilege for themselves?)

And I'm sure the scout leader could arrange for an older kid to keep an eye on DS.

Pretty much all the kids a year older than him pick on him - whereas the kids his year know him and are used to him.

They are already separated as much as possible. The kid knows he's upsetting DS, and that is why he does it.

The leaders said they were going to talk to the kids Mum, but I think they are going to now have to take more direct action with the kid, rather than involving the Mum.

wendihouse22 Wed 24-Nov-10 11:02:18

I'd speak to school (if this child is at the same school as your son) and I'd speak to the cubs leader.

Bullying is NOT acceptable.

These kids (my son has ASD and OCD aged 9yrs) and there's one child who goes out of his way at school to expose ds to "germs" and takes the micky out of him when he sees the effect this has on my son.

I would speak to the adults in charge and let them know IT WILL NOT BE TOLERATED. If it's something your son enjoys he has a right to be treated with the same respect as other kids and the leader should reinforce that message over and over until it goes in!

wendihouse22 Wed 24-Nov-10 11:03:21

Sorry..........meant to say (above posting) "these kids have a touch enough time as it is" !!

imahappycamper Wed 24-Nov-10 14:45:26

It does need to be sorted out now and the Cub leader should do something about it.
I wouldn't set too much store by Scouts sorting it out when he moves up. My DS' Scout troop was very "blokish" and he just couldn't handle the way people spoke to him. They would have said it wasn't bullying, just boys being boys. I suppose it is all down to the leaders of the individual group.

packofcards Wed 24-Nov-10 17:04:38

I am a Cub Leader and would talk to the Cubs mum.

In our group we have a "yellow card system." 1st warning is delt with by the Leader in Charge and we say that behaviour is unacceptable. 2nd warning we call in the parents and the Group Scput leader. If it happens again then the cub will be asked to miss a meeting then they come back if the cub gets another warning within 6 months then they are asked to leave the group. Fortunatly we have not asked any one to leave. they hate the thought of missing a meeting. Hth.

IndigoBell Wed 24-Nov-10 19:08:53

Thanks everyone. You've given me lots of ideas.

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