My ds1 is like this. When he was going through a very bad patch he was also much more aggressive with me. I remember mentioning it at an appointment with a psychiatrist and he seemed to think this was very common. I try not to let it bother me. ds is just generally much more keen on men than women. dp is also perhaps a bit more fun than I am though I hate to admit it!
Phew, I'm getting so many 'knowing' looks from everyone when they cotton on to the fact that DS freaks out around me more and calms when I disappear. It's created a nagging doubt in my mind. Even to the extent that I haven't mentioned the breastfeeding to the psych. I've had some bad experiences with doctors telling me I should have stopped by now and last thing I want to risk is the specialist telling me that's the root of our problems!!
I've heard that a lot of children with ADHD will save up their worst behaviour for when they feel most comfortable - ie, angelic at school then tasmanian devil as soon as they get home. It could be that your DS feels he can "let it all out" in front of you and he's secure that you'll still love him?
Even if it's not true, it smacks the smugbitches nay-sayers neatly in the chops
I don't think it's anything to do with his ADHD or ASD
both my kids (one with ASD one without) kept their niceness for their dad, lol, every parent I know moans about it, you have the day from hell with them and your OH comes in and gets an excited to see them happy child and has no idea what you're moaning about
toddlers definitely seem to keep all their worst behaviours for mum - as purplepidjin says, they feel most comfortable and know that they can react to things how they want and it won't matter...it's a sign of security more than anything, IMO
I think purple hit the nail on the head, DS2 is well behaved at school and much better with his dad than me. I've come to accept it really cos I've seen from other posts etc that it is quite common, but it annoys me when people think he's naughty with me because I can't discipline him (ie: it's all my fault!)