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Things coming apart at the seams at school..

(17 Posts)
TheArsenicCupCake Fri 19-Nov-10 10:26:44

School ( secondary) really are trying..EP is being brilliant, SENCO is doing what he can.. We are all talking to sort things out. But ds is just sort of falling apart bit by bit.

Hesjust not coping.. Anxiety is high, self esteem is low.. He is desperately trying, but ended up in tears last night and is down this morning.

He gets 1-1 for a bit.. He has a shared TA.. The support really is there.

We try to keep him up beat finding even the finest bit ofgood in everything..

he wants the help he gets.. But knows it makes him look different even more.. He said he never knows what to do.. Class moves to fast and he hasn't got time, homework (very little is supported here and at school).. But he's still struggling with organisation.. Even though we have time tables and in and out trays.
Socially he is a mess ( even though he has a small soicial/ communications skills class).. Andhes not communicating is worries at school.
He's not coping with working out what is bullying and what is normal silly banter. ( again school are keeping a really close eye on him and others).

He does want to do anything social in the evenings or weekends because hes too tired and in his words " but I always get it wrong and people don't like me).

I don't expect any words of wisdom I just need to vent.
I will find a way through this for him and with him.

fightingthezombies Fri 19-Nov-10 10:30:04

So sorry to hear this Arsenic. I can't offer any advice really but my ds goes to secondary next year and these are all my worries. Hope things get better somehow.

TheArsenicCupCake Fri 19-Nov-10 10:30:48

* is supported with homework
* doesn't want to be social

typos sorry

embracingtangents Fri 19-Nov-10 10:57:25

I am sorry to hear this too Arsenic.

As you know I am new here and still on a learning curve myself, but I really relate to what you are saying as DD (AS) is struggling terribly with transition to a very large secondary school (started September).

Things DD could do/manage last year are now impossible and her anxiety is very worrying to me. DD "knows" that no-one likes her and no-one wants to partner her/work with her. She interprets everything very sensitively e.g. a look from another pupil=they are being horrible to me. DD cannot organise anything and even packing her bag for the next day has become too much.

I have read some fantastic posts that you have written Arsenic and I know you have the means to get through this as you show such expert knowledge on here.

How old is DS? What is your opinion of time off school when it all gets too much? Would your school support this and help him to do some work at home to give him a break?

My DD is completely freaked out by non-uniform day today.... She is wearing the "wrong" clothes in the school environment. We will pay for this all weekend. I am bracing myself.

IndigoBell Fri 19-Nov-10 13:30:10

Would flexi schooling be an option?

Or could he just sit out a few classes a week?

I'm terrified of DS starting secondary school.... And the only thing that consoles me is I have decided to HE or flexi school him if he can't cope.....

You will get through it.

TheArsenicCupCake Fri 19-Nov-10 14:24:21

Sorry I disappeared. Had a call from school as ds broke down.
Upshot is looks like a new school.. ( asd friendly one..) .. School will back us up about new school.. Which we will really need because they are full and we'll have to appeal to get him in there.
In the mean time I'll ask about flexible schooling until we can get him in.. Failing that I'll get him signed off .. We are seeing the lead in a couple of weeks anyway.

I can't fault the school he's at they really are trying every option they have.

Well he's been in a quiet room today so he can work and relax at the same time.. So hoping he will recoup a bit before next week when I can chase various this up again.( if I have had my call backs by then).

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 19-Nov-10 14:25:20


Am sorry to read of what's happening to your DS re secondary school.

Does your DS have a Statement in place?.

TheArsenicCupCake Fri 19-Nov-10 14:26:00

He's 12 btw
( always forget something when I post).

TheArsenicCupCake Fri 19-Nov-10 14:28:50

Not yet Attila .. We are mid working on it.

wendihouse22 Fri 19-Nov-10 17:12:58

Arsenic. I'm really sorry to hear what's happening to you and your son. I'm going to follow this link carefully and hope to learn something! Sorry, I have no advice for you.

My son is 10. He goes to secondary school in 2012 and will be one of the oldest in his class. We had thought he'd go to the local mainstream secondary but am told by SENCO at his mainstream primary that no, he will NEVER survive (as he is now). He's autistic and also has recent diagnosis of OCD for which he's being treated pharmaceutically, as it were cause, he cannot access Cognitive Behavioural Therapy yet. He's very communicative.......reads well.........draws well. But socially, it's hopeless. This is SUCH a common problem. How are all these children expected to function in mainstream settings when it's the day to day stuff that neuro-typicals just "know". Yet, asd schools are few and far between. The private ones are all down south seemingly and those "in-betweenies", those quite bright ASD kids are getting left out. They don't fit into mainstream and they don't fit in special schools.

We're letting these kids down.

wendihouse22 Fri 19-Nov-10 17:29:43

Sorry, seemed to miss a sentence out!!

What I mean to say is........ASD kids find the everyday stuff which ordinary NT kids don't have to even consider, SO VERY HARD, that their learning is affected, they get behind and they lose confidence. They then don't "fit in with peers" and get left behind.

Anyone else have experience of this? I surely cannot be the only one!!

My son has a Statement which I fought long and hard for. Arsenic.......GET THAT STATEMENT!! You and your son are going to need it. Good luck to you.

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 19-Nov-10 17:35:36


To my mind no statement = no support of any real value. I have increasingly noticed its value the higher up my DS has gone through the school system. He is now in secondary.

Your DS needs that statement asap, having one will get his additional support needs legally documented. Its a great shame that its ever got to such a stage; these issues have often been rumbling along for years with parents getting short shrift and without school doing much if anything.

Have the LEA in question agreed to assess your DS?. How far are you along this process?.

TheArsenicCupCake Fri 19-Nov-10 17:49:09

We are waiting to hear if they will agree to assessment.

Previously 3 years ago we were turned down ..
Asked in between.. Was told not meeting critiria and achieving academically, needs no more provision than school can already provide etc etc rubbish..

That was in primary.. We hope well get it now as school are not meeting his social, emotional communication needs at SA+ , and it having a big effect on his learning no matter what the school put in.

Am watching date on my calander for reply as we type.

HelensMelons Fri 19-Nov-10 17:55:12

I really feel for you and your ds Arsenic; it's such a big transition. He does sound stressed out but I hope having the quiet room today has helped to lower his anxiety levels. How often can he utilise this quiet room?

TheArsenicCupCake Fri 19-Nov-10 20:26:48

Thanks folks,

Helen he has access to the quiet room as much as he needs.. But then he misses out on practical lessons.

he tried going to one of his better lessons for a bit but removed himself for the rest of the day..

Ineed2 Fri 19-Nov-10 21:01:41

Have just come on and read this thread, TACC, Sorry your Ds is having such a bad time,.
No advice I am afraid but I hope you can get him the support that he needs.

Good luck with the ASD friendly school smile.

TheArsenicCupCake Sat 20-Nov-10 21:17:22

Thanks indeed..

It will all be okay..( wibble on the quiet).. Everyone cross fingers that we get asd friendly school and the statement needed!

Or that we end up HEing

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