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There is a tether, we are at the end of it

(99 Posts)
LeninGrad Thu 11-Nov-10 09:49:29

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streakybacon Thu 11-Nov-10 09:55:56

This why, despite all the crap and negligence and actual harm to ds, I couldn't face making a formal complaint.

There was just so much of it, layer upon layer of neglect and lies and manipulation, that I simply didn't know where to start sad.

Really feel for you, and I think I understand why you feel this way. Sometimes I just want to curl up under a duvet with a bottle of something strong but you just can't, can you? Somehow you find a way to keep going.

Wishing you well LG.

LeninGrad Thu 11-Nov-10 09:56:44

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Hassled Thu 11-Nov-10 09:59:08

What's up?

Whatever is up, there is tons and tons of help both MN and out there in the real world - you'll need to be persistent and pushy and then persistent some more, but the help does exist.

Ineed2 Thu 11-Nov-10 10:01:45

If at some point you feel strong enough, try to write some of it down on here, theres loads of people with loads of experience who might be able to offer some helpsmile. Lots of us have been at rock bottom and clawed our way back up again.

Look after

LeninGrad Thu 11-Nov-10 10:06:10

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LeninGrad Thu 11-Nov-10 10:06:34

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streakybacon Thu 11-Nov-10 10:11:20

How old is he LG (sorry, I don't always keep up with such things.

LeninGrad Thu 11-Nov-10 10:14:58

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Hassled Thu 11-Nov-10 10:15:45

Just reading that makes me wince - it sounds like a nightmare to live with. But there will be coping mechanisms, there will be something.

Accepting that there might be a real issue with a real name is so bloody hard - a huge adjustment for you and your DP to have to make. You don't need to get a grip just yet - it's shit, and of course you feel shit. And harder because it affects his behaviour, so as well as having to deal with the concept you're dealing with the harsh reality.

ShadeofViolet Thu 11-Nov-10 10:24:58

LG - it is okay to cry, we have all done it.

streakybacon Thu 11-Nov-10 10:25:35

Take your time, try to stay calm.

There will be strategies you can put in place now, without a name to whatever his problem is. People here can help you - there are loads of us who have been in the same place and felt what you're feeling.

Have a cuppa so you can think straight -smile

LeninGrad Thu 11-Nov-10 10:26:46

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YeahBut Thu 11-Nov-10 10:29:06

Lenin, if it's of any help, I'm exactly where you are too at the moment. I post on MN regularly but tend to only lurk on the SN board. Yesterday, I wrote a huge post that was scarily like yours. My laptop froze up just as I went to create the convo and I just couldn't face putting it all in again.
My ds is 4.9 and in the midst of all sorts of assessments. Sometimes, it just feels too much, like my brain is going to explode and I harbour dark thoughts about just getting in the car and driving far, far away. I don't do it of course.
I also worry that while I'm having my little crisis, I'm not being a particularly good mother.
If it helps at all, this is the 3rd time we've gone through this (DD1 and DD2 both have related issues) and things are so much better for us all now we're into the management of issues, rather than firefighting and wondering what the hell is going on. It's OK to have bad days, though.

LeninGrad Thu 11-Nov-10 10:34:03

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streakybacon Thu 11-Nov-10 10:38:31

We were the same in those early days (ds is 12 on Monday). I think it's largely the fear of the unknown, life is full of 'what if's and you've no idea the direction you're going with your child. I think you just go into panic overload, tbh.

But it does get easier to cope. you find ways that suit your child, you learn to accept how hard it is and you manage to get on with it. It sounds ominous but it's what we do.

You've got a supportive school by the sounds of things - that's a huge bonus. They can put supports in place for him now, without any formal acknowledgement of problems, if they can see he's not coping.

Do you have anyone in RL you can talk to about how you're feeling? It would help to just rant a bit, let it all out about how rotten it all is.

LeninGrad Thu 11-Nov-10 10:50:10

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vintage4 Thu 11-Nov-10 10:50:41

i feel for you i really do .Our Ds2 is 17 and with severe autism 6 feet tall and has the strenght of an elephant,He can very suddenly change his mood and lash out usually at me,His speciality is sinking his nails in until you bleed.But this can go away for months at a time so there is hope that your child can come through this really difficult stage.It is amazing the changes that come and go as they get older and ad I`1m sure you know you can never be complacent but things CAN get better Have a good cry I know it helps.Sometimes you just have to ask why fucking us??//

PolarEyes Thu 11-Nov-10 10:59:11

Sorry things are tough atm. I have read through the info on the PDA link and I nodded a long with most of it. Especially the claims of limbs not working; when preschool tried to teach him how to write his name he refused to so much as pick a pencil up for the following 5 months, he would claim his hand was broken and then collapse on the floor in a heap! (We had a great Specialist Teacher who got him past that)

My DS1 (5.1) has a dx of ASD. For disbelievers who I cba to argue with I've always just said "he has communication difficulties."

It is really good the school are supportive, I found my emotions all over the place on the dx process route and once we got the dx; it would come in waves of raw emotion.

LeninGrad Thu 11-Nov-10 11:03:36

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PolarEyes Thu 11-Nov-10 11:19:10

I am also finding where once DS1 would just stay quiet when someone spoke to him he is now responding with "no I won't say hello back!" and all manner of other cringe-worthy responses. (and I won't have suggested he does say hello, he just comes out with it). I am a shy and blushing person by nature so this is testing me somewhat!

He is spending entire afternoons pretending to be a teacher (complete with teacher voice) so I assume he is finding it v hard and we get the brunt of it at home.

wasuup3000 Thu 11-Nov-10 11:25:42

Our 4 year old can be like this and nothing works to calm him down. He is also very active and can't seem to concentrate from one thing to the next. At best we stay as calm as possible and try not to be drawn into a battle and boy he loves to battle given a chance. At worst when we are tired and grumpy it makes him worse and the normal rewards/sanctions you would use don't work with him and seem to give him more fuel to carry on with. Having already got two older children in the SEN system we are too worn out to commence into it again with him just yet.....((hugs))

LeninGrad Thu 11-Nov-10 11:40:22

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LeninGrad Thu 11-Nov-10 11:42:09

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wasuup3000 Thu 11-Nov-10 11:45:13

Yes it's exhausting...

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