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Would this work?? need advice of more experiened parents.

(24 Posts)
TheLadyEvenstar Sat 06-Nov-10 12:53:48

DS1 has ODD and we are waiting on full dx of aspergers.
I thought of cadets to deal with the ODD but would it work with ASD as well, I mean would he be able to cope??

I feel crap because I don't know enough to make a decision.

TheArsenicCupCake Sat 06-Nov-10 13:13:32

it may work, it may not.. Also a martial art might work as that is very discaplined, or sailing or climbing or horse riding.

all our dc's are different and what works for one may not work for another.. So why not ring a few different places up... See how they feel about him having a go and see if they have any experience of children with a few extra needs etc.

And why not let him have a bash at a few things and see what he chooses to do

Remember .. You the one who knows your son best

DeadlyNightShadeofViolet Sat 06-Nov-10 13:14:48

Do you mean like Sea Cadets?

DS1 (NT) goes to cubs, and they have two boys with ASD and another boy with AS in the pack. They seem to enjoy it but I would guess its a little bit more relaxed than cadets? However the Scout pack is run very strictly.

Could you ring up the person who runs cadets and see what they think? I know that Scouts have a SEN policy that they adhere to - they night have the same thing at Cadets. Or you could try it and see how it goes.

LIZS Sat 06-Nov-10 13:17:01

Does he want to do this ? ds won't entertain any organised group - Cubs, Scouts etc - yet is normally pretty compliant

TheArsenicCupCake Sat 06-Nov-10 13:20:12

Sea cadets is pretty relaxed.. Particularly for the younger ones ( he needs to be ten to join)... Ds1 (nt) personally loved it.. And having taken a break is planning on going back..ds2 fancies giving it a go.

Both boys do martial arts.. One climbs, one rides and they both surf.

I think just let him have a nosey about

TheLadyEvenstar Sat 06-Nov-10 13:35:18

The problem is he is always looking for something - if that makes sense!

He has done

Tae Kwando
Art Club
Drama Club
Dance Club
Bike Maintenance
Reading group

and none lasted more than 4 weeks before he stops going it is always the same.

I am trying so hard to find something which will help balance out the rigidity of routine -asd and the lack of respect for rules etc - odd.

Maybe I am trying to fix something which cannot be fixed. sad

TheLadyEvenstar Sat 06-Nov-10 13:36:09

oh dear just read my last post that sounds so awful!!

I don't mean he needs to be fixed, I mean the situation where he is always looking for "something"

TheArsenicCupCake Sat 06-Nov-10 13:47:16

Doesn't sound awful.. I know what you mean.

what about something like PHAB ?

You could ring then if you have one close by and expain your situation .. I'm just thinking he could go as an able child.. And may gain a sense of responsiblity in a youth club / activity type environment.

Don't know if this would work at all ?

TheArsenicCupCake Sat 06-Nov-10 13:48:46

And I wonder if he's just trying to find his niche.. there will be something

DeadlyNightShadeofViolet Sat 06-Nov-10 13:51:55

Have you thought about Boys Brigade - it was very strict (too strict for my DS). Its quite Christian orientated though (dont know if that is a problem for you?)

TheLadyEvenstar Sat 06-Nov-10 13:56:20

I have to say I am not sure what PHAB is!

also boys brigade wouldn't work as he is against religion - wants to have proof of things to believe they are real iyswim?

He told me he wants to do all these things "so I feel like everyone else" sad

DeadlyNightShadeofViolet Sat 06-Nov-10 14:00:33

St Johns Ambulance cadets was good for DS1 - he went until we moved then it was too far away. He really enjoyed learning about first aid and it gave him a sense of responsibility. I dont think it was religious IIRC.

Lougle Sat 06-Nov-10 14:45:29

I'm not sure TLES... I was in army cadets as a teenager. Very disciplined in some ways, but chaotic in the free time. Army cadet camps are quite a regular thing, and involve sharing billets. Lots of pranks and tricks, like camoflage cream while asleep, shaving eyebrows, etc. All harmless fun but you have to be able to take a joke, and to be honest, any unusual kids get the brunt of it.

Having said that, the leaders were very protective of us girls. They would say things like "that ball hurts her, and I'll hurt you" - wouldn't be able to say it quite like that these days but still.

There are lots of activities involved, brilliant skill opportunities - map reading, yomps, survival skills, rock climbing, target practice, etc.

TheLadyEvenstar Sat 06-Nov-10 15:24:21

Lougle, this is where my concern is.
He is an easy target in many ways. I am so unsure what to do. arghhhhhhhhhhh i feel so useless.

Goblinchild Sat 06-Nov-10 15:28:39

Mine is happy with Scouts, and being a member of various archaeology and history societies.
Why does he quit? I'd be trying to work out what the problems are, rather than adding another activity.
If you know what the problem is, you can tailor the choice to his interests and needs.

TheLadyEvenstar Sat 06-Nov-10 15:46:43

Goblin, with sporting activities he quits because he "doesn't get it" with dance well I have to say he has little rhythm - he is quite clumsy looking sad

Reading - there were too many people nd he was asked to read out.

art - he can't draw so hated it.

He loves english and wants to be a journalist - thats all he loves and reading.

Goblinchild Sat 06-Nov-10 15:58:30

Mine loves kayaking, and bowling.
He dislikes school sports, hates reading out loud to an audience and being the centre of attention.
Does his school have a newspaper, or an IT club?

TheLadyEvenstar Sat 06-Nov-10 16:04:33

oh he loves bowling but when we come away he is very "high" iyswim? almost hyperactive.

TheLadyEvenstar Sat 06-Nov-10 16:04:59

yes they have a paper but for yr9 plus.

Lougle Sat 06-Nov-10 16:55:50

To be honest, Cadets is a lot of pressure - cadets are expected to be mature, follow the rules (<shudders at the memory of a cadet having his earring ripped out of his ear when he refused to remove it>), follow health and safety to the letter (we are talking rifles, admittedly with blanks, but nevertheless), do whatever activity is scheduled, whether rain or shine.

I think perhaps once your DS has had some of his ODD issues resolved, and is able to work towards following orders. Until then, it will just be torturing him, IMO.

TheArsenicCupCake Sat 06-Nov-10 17:03:02


linky for you

my sister and I used to go many years ago.. Very understanding inclusive youth group

TheLadyEvenstar Mon 08-Nov-10 10:29:40

Thanks for the link. They are all too far away from me <sigh> back to the drawing board.

auntevil Mon 08-Nov-10 13:24:03

Like you TLE, We try different activities to see if DS can find his niche - or whether he wants a 'niche. TBH i think he would prefer gaming to be an activity, but i would like to do something that doesn't always involve computers!
Tried; Martial Arts - struggles with co-ordination and got too upset with himself for not being as good as peers.
Beavers - he got bored with the sameness.
I find he works well with doing taster sessions, often in school holidays. Ceramics studio was a real hit - they made wall plaques - lots of manual and tactile work.
We are lucky though to live in an area where there are lots of diverse activities.

Tiggles Mon 08-Nov-10 15:51:44

I was going to suggest fencing but see your DS already tried it.
DS1 (AS) does fencing, he would have a quit after a couple of weeks because he feels that any comment about how he is doing is critical even when it was meant to be helpful. He isn't as coordinated as everybody else etc etc. The coach however was happy to let me stand nearby with a clipboard (ie reason to be there) marking off what the beginners had done, I could then see exactly what DS was meant to be doing. We then practised really hard at home - he wasn't happy about that, but it really paid off. It wasn't just the moves but verbal stuff he had to be able to recite back too. He now wants to go to fencing and practises off his own back (sometimes).
Would there be something similar you could do to help him out?

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