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For jimjams - re M and T groups

(48 Posts)
eidsvold Mon 21-Jul-03 08:01:37

very competitive... when at 8 months dd could not sit unsupported - they were horrified... oh she is how old and she is not sitting by herself. Needless to say I just said no not yet - no reason. Another mother was moaning about the fact that her daughter prefers to bum shuffle around the room and shows no sign of wanting to walk ( 2-3 mths older than dd) We are just glad for our little worm who wriggles around the place - very fast may I add. Now that dd is sitting very nicely and playing with toys etc they are all oooohhhhh isn't she sitting so well - I can't believe it, in very patronising tones.

Then we have statements like - I would rather die/starve etc than put my child in a nursery. Or I had a little part time job when my first daughter was born....

As you know with summer things close down and as I am going back to work dd will not be going back to M and B group. A couple of mums decided to hold some sessions in the holidays as they could not last 6 weeks without m and t. We were blatantly not invited to be part of it. The woman took out the form where one wrote their name on the ones they wanted to attend and offered to hold one at their house. I was the last in the row of chairs. The form went the opposite direction to me and when it came back to the woman who was sitting right next to me - she moaned about the fact that everyone wanted to attend a group but very few wanted to host it and then folded up the form and put it in her bag. I figured - oh well I was quite happy to host a session but not now. Felt very funny about it at first and then realised we had so much on over the summer that it did not matter anyway.

We live in quite a 'posh' area - hate to use that term and most mothers are in their designer wear and drive the latest BMW/Merc 4x4, lots of children in their little designer clothes. That doesn't bothre me but the snobbery and patronising attitudes that come with it do - not just to me but to a couple of other mothers as well. And no I do not have the desinger clothes/nor does dd and I do not have the latest 4x4.

The same group of mothers attend a group on another day that we can't always attend as dd has clinic and when we turned up the other day - one mother said - Oh you are coming to this group now are you??!?! Sorry can't capture the tone but very unwelcoming to say the least.

I am looking forward to going back to work where I can deal with people who live in the 'real' world.

fio2 Mon 21-Jul-03 08:06:39

eidsvold I have replied on the proud2 thread!! So if you do get it removed there will be lots of little messages off me and people will think Im mad!!!(not far from the truth)

Jimjams Mon 21-Jul-03 08:08:49

Oh god what absolutely vile people!!!! I've been to m+t's (especially when we lived in London) which were very competitive and no-one would speak to you. I think once you have a SN child you realise how ridiculous and revolting all that competitive business is. I just have absolutely no time for it at all now.

I was quite lucky when we moved down here as the local m and t is very friendly. It's small, my friend comes with her home edded 6 year old with learning difficuties as well and no-one bats an eyelid. We even have some mum's who work (!! ) And I think most of our children attend nursery for a number of sessions as week. Not a 4 x 4 or designer item in sight either.

Ooh you've just reminded me of my early days at M and T's in London! Yuck!

fio2 Mon 21-Jul-03 08:12:23

glad to hear your M&T group is nice jimjams

lou33 Mon 21-Jul-03 12:32:27

God I hate mums and tots groups! I tend to be too "busy" so dh takes ds! I have never been to one where I have been made to feel welcome, and I'm on my 4th round of them now. With the latest group it doesn't seem too bad when I am there, but I can still see them peeping at ds, thinking why isn't he walking yet. Thing is if they asked I'd tell them, but they don't. After about 20 mins we leave them and go to the soft play area that the nursery opens up especially for ds because otherwise my ears start bleeding from it all! Dh always seems to enjoy being surrounded by women though .

ThomCat Mon 21-Jul-03 12:40:31

I went to a music class once and didn't go back, same with swimming. Would rather do those things on my own with her or with mates and their kids. Thought if I went back to the swimming group I'd end up punching one woman who just irritated me SO much.

fio2 Mon 21-Jul-03 12:44:09

Thomcat you made me laugh I am going to a group this afternoon at the SN nursery for Jo'got a diagnosis?'Jingles. Wonder if it will be different with SN mums or not? I'll let you know later.

lou33 Mon 21-Jul-03 12:44:12

If we all lived closer we could have our own exclusive group. I'd be fighting you for one of those cuddles from Lottie. I used to live not too far from you until last year.

fio2 Mon 21-Jul-03 12:45:04

are we all scattered all over place? Ive never really thought about where everyone lives

lou33 Mon 21-Jul-03 12:53:02

Well I am in Surrey, TC is in Herts, I think Jimjams is in Devon, Eidsvold is in Essex if I remember correctly........where is everyone else?

fio2 Mon 21-Jul-03 12:55:00

Im in Staffs but we are moving to Kent (god knows whereabouts)

lou33 Mon 21-Jul-03 12:57:21

So pretty scattered then! Are you lurking about clicking "refresh" every 30 secs by any chance?

chatee Mon 21-Jul-03 13:08:55

I'm in north cumbria-so just slightly further afield than most

2under2 Mon 21-Jul-03 13:17:49

North Yorkshire here - haven't braved any m&t groups since having dd2 so you're all ahead of me there! There is one for families with children with SN, but haven't been (it's on my afternoon off when both girls are at nursery). Don't fancy it much though - it's in a rough area etc. (ok excuse me for being so shamelessly middle-class )

ThomCat Mon 21-Jul-03 13:30:33

And i'm in Middlesex (not far from harrow on the hill) thought you may have heard of that (big boys school where Sir Winston Churchill went!)

PS I don't usually want to punch other mums - just really wanted to with thgis particular one. to have seen the shocked look on her face afterwards would have kept me laughing for months. She was the sort of Mum who only wanted to talk to the 2 other mums who were from her particular faith and just talked incesantly to her poor son - 'Joshie leave your willy alone, oh joshie don't, no you mustn't, ohh joshie, shall we go to mimi's house, will you be nice to her...no...oh joshie...joshie leave your willy alone PLEAse'. I so wanted to say just let him play with it and shut up for a minute PLEASE, I don't want to hear your voice for at least the next 2 minutes!

lou - where did you live before. Oh and what did you think of 8mile/ I thought the last scene, the 'battle' made up for the slightly weak storyline. i really enjoyed it for the last 10 minutes of the film.

Fio - let us know how you get on. I think a SN group may be easier cos at lease you all really have something in common other than you have a child and people may be a bit more friendly because of that, i don't know, i just hope you enjoy it more than I enjoyed swimming!

MABS Mon 21-Jul-03 13:50:53

I'm in Brighton, but I used to be in Kenton near Harrow, so not far from you previously TC

ThomCat Mon 21-Jul-03 13:54:17

How funny Mabs we could have been neighbours! good move though - kenton to Brighton. I've always fancied living in Brighton, so we could still end up neighbours!! I'm actually in Pinner at the mo, harrow on the hill previously.

lou33 Mon 21-Jul-03 15:16:29

Sorry Thomcat I thought you were in Herts for some reason!

I quite enjoyed it, but there wasn't really much of a storyline I agree. Thought the battling scenes were funny. I wonder if the private school dig was aimed at Puff Daddy/P Diddy, whatever he's called nowadays? Also quite enjoyed catching a glimpse of his bum.

MABS Mon 21-Jul-03 15:28:54

TC I used to go to a little school called Roxeth Mead, opposite Harrow School on the hill. My God mum lives in Hatch End so I know that area fairly well. Small world eh?

ThomCat Mon 21-Jul-03 15:36:19

God I thought you were going to say Rooks Heath - that's where I went, rubbish school! My childminder /best mate is in Hatch End. V small world indeed.

fio2 Mon 21-Jul-03 16:32:31

oh god the group was a blumin nightmare ds played merry hell the whole time and dd was as good as gold but got hardly any attention off me because I was having to deal with him all the time. The group was intended for her-poor thing. All the teachers kept saying oooo you've got your hands full and I just felt like the worst mother there. So consequently I hardly spoke to any of the other mums but they all seemed ok-no clicky group like you usually get.

Oh yes and then in the taxi on the way home I got told by the blumin driver that I had the broadest black country accent he'd ever heard-I doubt it. I mean I have got an accent but its not that broad. rant over

ThomCat Mon 21-Jul-03 16:40:18

He heee, how funny, I did have to giggle that it ended with you being all annoyed at the stupid cabbie and all offended by him - ha ha!!! Sorry!

Sorry it wasn't a good meeting. Can't anyone have son for you so Penny has the one on one time with you next time, or won't there be a next time?

eidsvold Mon 21-Jul-03 18:15:48

OH fio - my lovely in laws live in Kent - dh is a kent boy!! Yes I am in Essex.

I must admit there is one or two lovely ladies there but most of these women are on baby two or three and have known each other for years as well - all their older children go to primary school and I just have nothing in common with them. Ohhhh TC I know where you are coming from with one woman you felt like punching. There is one in particular in both groups that I go to ... she is so rude. A woman was speaking me and mid sentence this woman came over and started speaking over me and just blatantly ignoring the fact I was speaking. I did not know who to be more offended by the friend who stopped and paid attention to her and ignored me or the buttinsky who started it in the first place. Figured better off without that rubbish!!

Oh fio sorry things were not as you had hoped. I can empathise with accent offence. I do not have a broad aussie accent although depending on circumstance and company I can slip into one. But to be called a New Zealander or even a South African ( no offence intended - just very patriotic aussie here). The funniest one was when someone thought my husband was the aussie and I was the english person!?! I don't sound like I have an english accent but rather a 'posh' aussie accent.

fio2 Mon 21-Jul-03 19:05:06

Thomcat glad it made you laugh. I was going to try to get someone to look after him next week(maybe a friend, my relatives dont live close and my mum works anyway)

eidsvold where do your in laws live in kent? would love some advice on nice areas and what areas to avoid. dh is working near dartford so need to be within an hour of there really. If you know any areas that is.

funny isnt it about accents, I dont really take offence but why do people always have to comment? I will have to try to put a posh voice on in fuuture instead of sounding like lenny henry

Caroline5 Mon 21-Jul-03 20:42:30

We are in Glos (near Cirencester). But grew up in Ruislip, not far from Hatch End (and had friends in Harrow, Kenton and Pinner!) so a very small world!

I've abandoned our local M&T group too. No one said anything directly, it was more the staring and avoiding us that was difficult (and dd1 had to come too and was bored!)

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