twins-any suggestions ??

[mumNR]

Hi hope you dont mind me posting such a lengthy long first posting but we need help or ideas !!
I have 8 year old (identical) twin boys, ( born 8 weeks early) both developed a little slower for the major milestones (as expected by being this premature), but had no other health or obvious development problems until the last 6-8 months..
In september 2009 they went over to the junior school and since then, while one twin is developing and maturing well, the other twin has run a catalogue of behavior, concentration and challenging authority problems at school.
Both boys are bright, have a good full vocabulary, are interested in science, cars, pop music and computers & play-stations...riding bikes and have had first girlfriends. Are above their age in reading skills & vocabulary but below there age in handwriting skills.

But the one twin is having so many behavior,concentration and challenging behavior problems at school- and his recent activity involves walking away while being talked to or told off- we feel at our wits ends. And we feel he is about to get an exclusion>When he is not displaying this challenging behavior at school he is feeling sick at school and wants to come home from school, or has stomach aches and doesn't want to go to school. ( these have been checked out at doctors with no lasting symptoms)

Over the years school's have mentioned dyspraxia, but this was was never followed up. (Both boys have IEP's for handwriting and not getting on with their work and respect to adults).
BUT to sum it up, it appears he doesn't listen, or he appears to day dream, or not get on with his work and chat to his friends or fix a chair or open windows..anything but get on with his work.If the subject interest him he can come up with some fabulous and clever ideas & answers....
We have taken him to see his GP and he is finally being referred to a development clinic, i have searched the internet and feel he either has an undiagnosed hight IQ, or has attention deficit with out the hyperactivity, or does he have a form of Autism or asperges as mention by the GP... help we seem to be going around in circles any ideas ????

[ommmward]

Look at all of the things you describe as a problem: behavior at school, concentration at school, challenging behavior at school, feeling sick at school, wanting to come home from school, or has stomach aches and doesn't want to go to school, not listening at school, not working at school unless the subject interests him... do you see the common thread there?

Maybe it's not that there's any thing wrong with your son, that needs pathologising and diagnosis and labels. MAybe he just hates school and it isn't right for him at this point in time. [disclaimer: I home educate my children]

I can see it's complicated with a twin around - I think in your shoes, I'd offer Home Education to both, and allow happy twin to stay in school if he wants, or come out at the same time, or come out later... whichever.

The Authorities will be very interested in trying to show that your son has a problem, or that you are failing as a parent. Because they don't usually like to admit that school is a suboptimal environment for some children.

[mumNR]

Thank you ommmward for your message, home education is a route my husband has been thinking about. A friends of our has just removed her son from the same school as she felt they were failing her sons dyslexia needs and just concentration on discipline..

[2to3]

I have ID boys who are 5. I think being and ID twin can be really hard sometimes, especially when one is thriving. It's almost as if the other one feels he has to behave negatively just to avoid having to compete, or to differentiate themselves. I've heard of ID twins at the same school where one disappears completely in the more able/popular one's shadow - is this an issue at all? I think the point about home ed is a very good one, but in any case I'd give Tamba's twinline a call and also post there and on Twinsclub.co.uk - you might find more people with similar experiences there.

[GuntherMcKilocodie]

Is it possible he could be having some emotional problems at school? I'm thinking about bullying here. Seems unlikely that this would have suddenly manifested after he has been fine in the infants.

[mumNR]

Again thank you for the messages, its given me some things to think about and look up..

[kosice]

Hi, Our twins boys are now 8, & alot of what you described would have probably been us had we not pursued it at school. One twin is bright, where as the other as struggled through every milestone, though both unique in there own right !! When they were 5, we noticed that the younger was struggling, though we were told by school that he was "Lazy", we were not happy, & after being put on IEP's at school & all the other red tapes they put them through we said we wanted to pursue a statement. We were told we had "No chance " & had no real support from the school. We decided we would apply for it ourselves & after lots of assesments from different departments & child phsychologists we were very pleased that he was given a statement for special needs in all areas, this was given to him at the age of 6. I myself work at a local college & was told that this is very young for a statement to be given, I don't understand this answer at all,& at what age should they decide that your child needs a little extra support.So my advice is don't listen to everything they are saying, you know yourself if he needs a little extra help be it behavioural or not, the sheer frustration makes my younger one angry, but with the help he now receives there is a light at the end of the tunnell. FIGHT FOR IT !!