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Please help, ds sent home from school for aggressive behaviour, he's just 4

(6 Posts)
punchandjudy Thu 01-Oct-09 15:22:58

He had a good few weeks settling in, so I did begin to relax...but this week he has hurt someone everyday. And today he has hit his teacher, cut someones hair and goodness knows what else. It sounds as if he has kicked off big style. The children had to be moved out of the classroom while he was removed from it.

Briefly spoke to the head...who just wanted me to leave with and go, so I haven't had a chance really to speak to the school. I have no problems with school or the way they dealt with him.

I just don't know what else to home he is generally ok, although we do still have a few tantrums usually triggered by something completely random...wrong cup/getting dressed/things not being right where he is really aggressive..hitting me/dh etc

ds can be such a lovely boy, but has now made such a bad name for himself.

I feel so embarressed and I'm dreading school in the morning and having to face the other mums..the head said she is expecting a string of complaints.

So what can I do? The ed psych is already involved from when ds was in nursery. And we have another appt for november..but what about in the meantime?

I am a teacher my self, and we do all the things I advise my parents to do, we are consistent, loving and fair with ds, we don't smack or shout. I just don't understand why he is like this.

I know they must think we are terrible parents for ds to behave like this..but honestly we aren't..I'm so scared school will involve ss because ds is so aggressive.

I feel absolutley sick to my stomach and am in tears. I just don't know what to do anymore

EccentricaGallumbits Thu 01-Oct-09 22:35:09

Does he have an IEP at school?
Can you get some sort of meeting with ed psych and school? Does he have extra support from a specific, named TA in the class?
Do you have a special educational needs policy? The school will have one, get hold of a copy and also speak to whichever teacher is SEN coordinator.

FWIW my DDs went to a primary school with a big special ed needs unit within it. The children all spent time in mainstream classes and within their other classes. A lot of them are very very disruptive. It has to be said the children just very soon learn to get on with normal school and strategies develop where the child was removed from the class or the class removed from the child. I honestly don't think it had any impact on their education at all.
Yes it did piss me off a bit when strategies didn't work well and my child came home having been hurt but the benefits of being integrated and having to get on with things by far outweighed any disruption caused, and it is the school's responsibility to develop strategies for helping your DS integrate into normal class life.

Sorry that turned out a bit long.

yesitsme Fri 02-Oct-09 10:40:54

I would be getting an appointment with your doctor and maybe ask for thier advice, when our DS was angry and violent at school we were referred by our doctor to CAMHs who were very good.

Can school maybe get your Ds seen quicker by the Ed Psych as it's really quite urgent now?

It's better to get help sooner rather than later as it usually takes that long for appointments etc.

I know you feel terribly worried right now but looking back on our own DS things can get better as they mature.

PeachyTentativelyPosting Fri 02-Oct-09 11:02:04

Hiya please don'tfeel bad, this can happen to the best parents

Furst check the school has given you a letter to explain exclusion- you might need that as evidence when seeking help.

My experience of CAMHS is also very spotive, though I know criteria varies around the UK. If you do feel there is some kind of SEN or Sn going on though, I personally would take child to the GP and ask for a referral (our SENCO always advises that, and its what we did in the past- speeds things up).

Have you had a meeting with SENCO?

take it easy on yourself- it'simportant you don't blame yourself. Wine and cake tonight?

punchandjudy Fri 02-Oct-09 11:57:17

Peachy..yes wine and cake last night!

Thank you all. Yes he had an IPP (play plan) in nursery rather than an IEP. The senco is off sick at the moment hmm but she is fantastic when she is in. We will speak to her hopefully next week re. CAMHs and getting the Ed psych back in sooner rather than later.

Having coffee with a friend later who is Senco for another school to get the info off her as what she would do regarding getting 1:1 support for ds sooner than later.

bigTillyMint Fri 02-Oct-09 12:03:23

Big Hugs - I know how you feel about being a teacher and then it's your child doing the wrong thing....

Deffo get some outside help / assessments to identify what the root cause is - it sounds like it's been a bit of a problem for a while, so with that history you should be better placed to insist that he is seen by the Ed Pshyc ASAP.

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