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Just had a meeting with the school and they think there is something wrong with DS :-(

(49 Posts)
Overmydeadbody Tue 23-Sep-08 11:52:56

Was called in to see the SENCO and his teacher.

Aparantly they are very concerned but don't know what is wrong so are refering him for specialist assesment.

In the meantime he has been asigned a TA to work one to one with him at all times.

He's just my normal little 5 yr old. No problems at home, very intelligent and interested in the world.

He hasn't settled at all into the classroom aparantly. Hides under the table. Blanks people. Doesn't respond to questions or take part in discussions. Wants to be on his own. Worst of all, he can be unkind to the other children in the playground sad

I'm really worried now. Have I been blind to the signs? What could it be?

sadsad

ingles2 Tue 23-Sep-08 11:54:44

sad
no good advice OVMDB but please.. try not to worry too much, it really could be nothing..
fingers crossed

Buda Tue 23-Sep-08 11:56:36

sad for you OMDB.

What year is he in? Reception? A lot of children take time to settle. Does he seem happy to go to school?

Overmydeadbody Tue 23-Sep-08 11:57:12

But they wouldn't be worried if it was nothing would they?

I always dismissed his little eccentricities as just normal oddness that all children show. What if it's more serious?

Oh poo. I guess worrying won't help. Thank you ingles.

Overmydeadbody Tue 23-Sep-08 11:59:04

He's yr 1.

Yes he seems happy to go to school, is always happy when I pick him up. Doesn't like to miss a day. Kept asking over the summer when school was starting again.

But now today they tell me they think he definately isn't happy in the classroom setting as it is now sad and it has gone beyond what hey would normally expect. All the other children have settled in now, even the ones with difficulties. Apart from DS.

ingles2 Tue 23-Sep-08 12:03:55

ok,...so have they talked to you about problems in reception? It can be big change from reception to yr 1. Obviously they have to explore all avenues, so I think an assessment can only be a good thing

Idobelieveinfairies Tue 23-Sep-08 12:06:01

My ds is like this OMDB....not so much to teachers (though i wish he would so they know what i am on about with him)...but friends of mine, the other childrens friends...just totally blanks them as if they are not there. WHen quizzed he says if he dosen't like someone he will not talk to them.

He has days where he won't talk to us if he is in that kind of mood. He saw an educational phsycologist years back and she said he has a problem with emotions and totally blanks anything to do with them.

He is intelligent too, especially with maths always has been.

My sister thinks he has mild aspergers (she is qualified) (other contributing factors too)but teachers aren't too bothered by it as he gets on at school and dosen't cause them any trouble!

Does he have a new teacher-perhaps its her/him that he doesn't like?

ingles2 Tue 23-Sep-08 12:06:19

and be reassured, he's still your gorgeous, happy,inquisitive 'normal' little boy, so it can't be that terrible can it?

Buda Tue 23-Sep-08 12:09:30

So there were no issues in Reception? Poor thing - he is obv struggling hugely with Yr 1. Does he like the teacher?

VeniVidiVickiQV Tue 23-Sep-08 12:11:27

Oh sweet! Is this the very first time they've approached you about his behaviour?

I started a thread yesterday because DD has been struggling to settle down at school. We had a parents meeting at school and DD's difficulties werent being properly addressed and the meeting highlighted it.

It is normal for children to struggle to settle in for at least the first half of the term. So I'm told by wise MNers smile. And as someone said - he's happy, and, he's still the same little boy as he was yesterday.

MadamePlatypus Tue 23-Sep-08 12:11:36

The thing to remember is that things that would have been regarded as 'normal little eccentricities' in the past, that could perhaps be solved with the slipper (e.g. problems in the playground), are now recognised as things that can get in the way of learning. Perhaps your son does find it difficult at 5 to cope with a classroom situation, and perhaps there are ways that the school can make things easier for him. It doesn't mean that he is no longer your lovely little boy.

Overmydeadbody Tue 23-Sep-08 12:12:29

Idobelieve your DS sounds very similar to mine then!

DS has never enjoyed groups. He spent the first two terms at nursery selectively mute. Even now he doesn't say hello or goodbuy to people <sigh>

He does have a new teacher yes but has said he likes her.

My thought are that ther suspect he's got mind ASD, but I haven't seen the digns sad

singyswife Tue 23-Sep-08 12:15:45

You say he has little eccentricities, can you give examples, maybe it will strike a chord with someone??? I wouldnt worry though (I would actually if it was my child so I dont know why I said this) but it is likely to be 'just settling in'. Take care

MadamePlatypus Tue 23-Sep-08 12:16:41

"All the other children have settled in now, even the ones with difficulties. Apart from DS."and

A brief glance through mumsnet would indicate that statistically speaking its likely that the other children are still probably having their ups and downs. However, the school might feel that they are in a position to deal with these ups and downs, whereas they haven't taken the right steps yet to deal with your son's problems. The first step to forming a plan to help your son would be an assessment.

Notquitegrownup Tue 23-Sep-08 12:18:03

Ds1 had a child in his class who sounds very similar to the schools description of your ds, but it was only at the end of year that his mother was shocked to find out that her normal happy little boy had barely interacted all year at school. He had lots of 1-2-1 support the next year and is now a happy active child at school. It seems he just got off on the wrong foot in Y1 and couldn't find the right one. She feels that if it had been identified much earlier, he could have been spared a lot of frustration and had a much happier time, so perhaps it is better that your school are being cautious. You can assure the assessment team that he is fine at home, so that they can identify exactly what the problem is at school/with this particular class.

Pushpinia Tue 23-Sep-08 12:19:49

I was about to suggest Aspergers - my friend's son has it and has just been dx, he is gorgeous as I'm sure your child is too. The dx doesn't change the child, try to remember that - Aspergers children are fascinating and unique and I am almost envious of my friend, which might sound odd but he really is a very special little kid.

Idobelieveinfairies Tue 23-Sep-08 12:21:03

My ds was the same-he went to speech and language because he wouldn't talk at the age of 3 and a bit...i knew he could but chose not to, but the HV had to refer him anyway.

The teachers say he is shy and lovely-and he is lovely...but shy isn't the word i would use.

He is 9 now! and he has come on loads and loads, he has learnt how a classroom works and is more involved now. He literally stood back and learned how to do it-it just didn't come natural as it does to other children.

He seems happier now too. Just no sense of humour and we have to be careful with what we say-ya know raining cats and dogs type things.

He dosen't say hello or goodbye without promting from me either.

Try not to worry, it might be that the teacher needs to establish whether he needs a bit more help in the classroom, and she is doing everything right by keeping you informed every step of the way.

Overmydeadbody Tue 23-Sep-08 12:21:56

Thank you everyone for your wise words.

MAdamePlatypus you are right, perhaps this isn't so bad and will just men that he gets the education he needs and the school know how to help him.

They said one of their main concerns was finding out how to make school accesible and fun for him.

I am just worried I guess. I will list all his eccentricities in a minute, it may strike a chord wih someone else who's been through similar

Idobelieveinfairies Tue 23-Sep-08 12:23:32

Little things with DS were that if he made a mistake with his writing he couldn't just rub it out of cross it out he had to start the whole peice of writing again from scratch on a new peice of paper.
He had to learn that it iwas ok to make mistakes and that everybody does. Little things like that needed correcting and it worked. Listing numbers was a big hit with him too. Have you ever noticed anything like that OMDB

Overmydeadbody Tue 23-Sep-08 12:28:41

IdoBelieve thank you for sharing that. I'm glad your DS is getting more out of school and the classroom environment now.

I wouldn't use the word "shy" to describe DS either, or at least, not conventionally shy, it manifests in different ways. He obviously has confidence issues though, which is I think why he doesn't answer direct questions, he's afraid of giving the wrong answer (this is just my assumption obviously)

I just can't see him as being on the autistic spectrum, he doesn't display typical sperger symptoms (going on what I know only). I guess it's more complicated than that <sigh>

I guess, being his mother, I don't see it. Probably, if I was his teacher, I would be worried too.

kaz33 Tue 23-Sep-08 12:33:45

Sounds like my little boy in reception/year 1:

- hides under desks
- hates scratchy things
- finds social situations difficult
- mildy aggressive/inappropriate hugs

However towards the end of year 2 something changed, he made a couple of friends, he aced the SATS and his behaviour improved greatly.

Overmydeadbody Tue 23-Sep-08 12:43:11

His eccentricities (in no particular order):

he has always been obsessed with spinning things, although this is fading now, but he can still spend up to 20 minutes sitting in front of the washing machine spinning the drum, or spinning salad spinners or rotary whisks in the kitchen (I know I know, definately ASD behaviour)

He likes lining cars up.

He concentrates for ages when he is focussed on something of his choosing.

He likes spending time alone playing.

He has a very good memory. By 3 he could name almost any make of car just by looking at it, even if it drove past quickly he new if it as a ford or a toyota or whatever. I didn't teach him this.

He was selectively mute and still doesn't talk to people he doesn't know and doesn't answer direct questions, even from me sometimes.

He never cried as a baby. Never babbled. Was late to talk and when he did talked in complete sentances. Wouldn't say a word unless he could pronounce it fully.

He never had tantrums. He was, instead, always silently stubbord or defiant. He still is, for the most part.

Punishments do not work on him. He doesn't care. Being able to do something he wants is worth any punishment I hand out. His school's punishment system of name going on storm cloud has no impact whatsoever on him. As he said himself "I don't care if that happens, I wanted to do what I was doing".

He learns things very quickly and is almost obsessed with how things work and working it out. Always changes batteries in toys himself. Can operate the heating and hot water system in the house himslelf, can figure out how to use most electrical appliances after just looking at them for about 10-15 minutes. He spent half an hour on monday looking at the water cystern for the toilet (with the lid off). He only flushed it twice that whole time, spent the rest of the time just looking closely, pushing the float down and up, and feeling the parts.

He's very patient and determined.

He doesn't shout, unless alone in the house with me. He blanks people he knows if he sees them out of context, like bumping into a friend from school in town. Even if it's his best friend.

He likes doing housework and being given responsibility, and takes it seriously. Will hoover, can woprk the washing machine so is mostly in charge of putting loads on. Is very able, can peel vegetables and chop things with a sharp knife, as he does everything with such focussed concentration.

He fidgits, almost all the time, unless he's concentrating on something of his choosing.

He gets very distressed, almost inconcolable, at certain things (like a balloon popping or something breaking or getting lost).

He, for the most part, likes routine and once something has been planned finds it very hard if it doesn't happen.

Hmmm, actually, those aren't all eccentricities, but things I tought where normal for most 5 yr olds that I'm suddenly doubting now. Please tell me they are mostly normal?

Overmydeadbody Tue 23-Sep-08 12:44:11

kazz that is interesting, what changed? What do you think helped him? I really hope, for his sake, that DS can get through this!

ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe Tue 23-Sep-08 12:46:04

All I can think to say is thank goodness the school seem to want to try and help.

I hope all is well very soon. sad

My DD and DS2 knew cars by their badges at a young age and neither will talk to someone if they don't know them or just don't want too. I have no worries about that part of their behaviour tbh.

Overmydeadbody Tue 23-Sep-08 12:51:13

thasnk you ImnotMAmaG, I thought it was pretty normal for little boys. I guess none of those things are unusual on their own, just as part of the bigger picture.

Yes, thank goodness the school have picked up on something and the ball is rolling for helping him. The last thing I want is for him to have bad school experiences and not enjoy learning.

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